I don’t want to speak anymore

[Nimuae71]

Every time I speak, be it to family and friends or complete strangers, I either embarrass myself by saying stupid things or no one seems to be interested in what I have to say. They talk over the top of me as if I’m invisible or if they do hear me, I’m laughed at or told I don’t know what I’m saying or I don’t make sense.

I just don’t want to be able to speak anymore and be mute. It would save me so much embarrassment and heartache. I just don’t have the energy anymore. It’s an honest effort  both physically and mentally to think of the right words in the right tone. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Your desire to be mute is very understandable to me. Low self esteem, lack of life experience are just two of many possibilities that come to mind. 

I think you know that going mute wont advance your cause or do you favours. But in the meantime it could allow you to reset yourself with learning how to research some ways to overcome... like you are asking here, what you can do.

Here is my suggestions-

• Reconsider your friendships. Choose friendships wisely.
• Promote one on one friends, meet one on one at cafe, home etc. The more friends around you the less attention you get from them
• Ask questions. Friends love to share their lives. They like friends that show interest. After a while particularly one on one, they will ask you questions
• Choose the company of younger people. This will see you are older and wiser, the recipe of good friendships.
• Seek a course for public speaking- hard word but it will help overcome shyness
• Learn to value yourself. Keep telling yourself you are a good person, you will achieve, your are worthy of a partner etc
• Never give up

I hope that helped

TonyWK

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am very sorry you have been experiencing this, I know how it feels. But would you believe it? Everyone feels this way sometimes, trust me. The difference is confidence and the ability to shake it off and move on. I KNOW this is hard, I had a difficult time learning this. But - there is no point worrying about what you have said in the past, that is a waste of time in the present! If you feel like this again, try to brush it off and put it behind you - I know it still hurts, but never give up on trying to connect with others. Maybe you need to find some friends that have interests aligned with you - TonyWK had some awesome ideas too. You deserve to be heard, and you are - but if you keep trying it will get easier.

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[AnotherRandomUser]

I have felt this way before, and it truly is a difficult situation.

But one thing to know is that you don't have to be interesting, funny, positive or smart to be someone worth listening to. Seriously, if you meet the right kind of people, they'd be happy to listen to you complain about washing socks for 3 hours!

Now Im not saying you dont have great qualities that make you great to talk to, only that if you ever have that self doubt that says "no one wants to talk to me because Im terrible at talking," its not true! Because no matter how good or bad you are at talking, there is someone out there who would love to hear you speak.

So if your feeling like no one enjoys listening to you, it might be that you need to find someone new to talk to who does. Which I know is harder said than done, but I promise there are people out who would love listening to you, and would be easy for you to talk to too.

But in the meantime try to remind yourself that your allowed to mess up. People literally screw their words up all the time, its just we may not notice when they do it, only ourselves. I often say out loud jokingly "oh man, I am messing all my words up today!" and others often laugh and say "oh me too, Ive been messing up all week!" It happens to everyone. Messing up orders, jumbling words, misremembering... its fine. It happens. A lot.

Also good to know that just because we dont like traits about ourselves doesnt mean others wont like it. I hate the way I laugh, but others have said they like hearing me laugh. So thats good to know too!