How to break a low?

[Needing_peace]

I've had severe depression for 14 years and constantly have cycles of really dark lows.

I have no motivation and feel so numb that I can't break the cycle.

Can anyone give suggestions as to what helps them get back on track?

I have no coping mechanisms when it comes to dealing with stress and I immediately crumble.

I'm so drained and tired of fighting this disease.

I'm feeling so scared, it's like my mind and body is giving up.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[therising]

Hi Needing_peace

My heart goes out to you as you face the kind of endurance it takes to manage the soul destroying and exhausting nature of long term depression. Having faced long term depression (from late teens through to 35) and periodic episodes since then 'til now at 53, episodes can be somewhat easier to manage based on having the time in between to be able to make better sense of things. Long term is definitely brutal in so many ways.

Over the years I've learned to ask myself 'Is this a mental, physical or natural/soulful kind of issue or all 3 combined?'. Wasn't always a mind/body/soul kind of gal but after connecting the dots in a lot of cases, I reached the conclusion that all 3 factors can typically play off each other. The quest to know the cause/s behind a depression can entail a heck of a lot of questions...

Mentally, I'll analyse the hell out of why I'm depressed. If I can't figure it out, I'll pick someone else's brain. I may also ask 'Which aspect of my nature is in play?'. Is it the stresser in me or a part of me that's simply conscious of everything that's depressing? Sometimes the challenge is about working on a part of myself that really needs to come to life more. Easier said than done at times. Each facet of self has a different kind of dialogue and feel. Our inner sage will feel and sound very different from our inner critic, for example. While the sage may peacefully suggest 'You have got to start making changes', the critic in us may chime in with a depressing 'You'll never change'. Depressing belief systems/mental programs can be another factor. With that processor up there in our head, some programs have just gotta go.

Physically/chemically, is there enough energy going on in my body for me to feel? Do I need blood tests for investigating a possible depressing chemical deficiency? Can tell you a depressing level of B12 deficiency is seriously depressing. How's my sleep, a restorative form of energy? Enough hydro power for every cell in my body (water), kinetic energy (exercising or working up energy), solar power (vitamin D) etc? Do I need to develop skills in managing the kind of stressful energy that exhausts my nervous system? How do I get more dopamine hits? Loads more questions.

In a soulful sense, if I can't channel the seer in me (the part of me that can clearly see the problem and the way forward), I find someone I know who's good at seeing. About a month ago, this was my brother who helped shed a lot of light on things for me. Being sensitive can be another factor. If we're sensitive enough to be able to feel our way through life, can be easy to feel a soul destroying lack of something while not knowing exactly what that lack is about.

One thing I stopped saying is 'I have depression'. I'm now inclined to say 'I'm in a depression and I need to know why'. While people speak of 'the light at the end of the tunnel', I flip that tunnel sideways, so it's more like a well (depression in the ground, if you can imagine) with a light at the top of the tunnel and rock bottom at the base. Although we may not feel our self teetering on the brink of going in, with some potentially depressing challenge in play, can definitely feel our self in there at some point, absolutely desperate to raise our self out and come back to life. The question, 'How do I raise myself?'.

[Needing_peace]

Thank you for the advice. I often question if I can deal with this disease for life.

It destroys all your coping mechanisms which makes it harder to get out of the lows and constant cycles.

You have given me a lot to think about.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond.