How do I help?

[Kakariki]

I am on the outside looking in so to speak. My partner suffers depression & I don't know what to do to help him. When he isn't under the cloud he is the most wonderful person.... good natured, affectionate, self confident, but when that cloud comes down... 😞 it is breaking my heart! I want to help, tell him I want to help but he either denies anything is wrong or tells me I can't.I am always the first ( & usually the only) person he shuts out. He talks to& cuddles the dogs & my teenage kids ( he is not biological father but he is dad to them) & pretty much ignores me which also cuts deep. But still I stand with him & if any of you have any idea what I can do to help him through these dreadful black days I would be eternally grateful. I do understand it is hard for those who suffer depression but it is also hard for those who love them

[amamas]

Hey Kakariki

I feel for both of you.  

I highly recommend contacting the support here at BB.  They'll be able to recommend the best help for both of you.

Big hugs!  Amamas

[Imagine]

Hi Kakariki,

I am in the same situation and it is breaking my heart too.

All I can offer you is the knowledge that you are being shut out BECAUSE you are so close to him, because he loves you. It is the closeness that makes the depression force the shutters down. I've read this several times and my partner was told the same thing by his counsellor as well. So I am trying to hold onto the hope that the closeness will be the thing that holds us together in the end.

I feel for you and I wish you all the best.

Imagine x

[geoff]

dear Kakariki, the comments made by Imagine are exactly right, as she too is devastated by her situation, which is similar to yours.

The reason they do this is because they believe that their spouse or partner will try and convince them that nothing is wrong, and they don't want to hear any of this, because there is something very much wrong, they have depression, and there's no way you can tell anybody that they don't have depression and that it will be all OK in a day or so.

People are actually in mourning when they have this illness, and it's very common for those of us who are in denial, because depression is a bad word to be labelled with, as it's still labelled as taboo.

It's impossible to try and tell your loved ones that they need to see a psych, because they believe that there is nothing wrong, so you have to wait until they make the decision that they are not well, and this period can be very stressful for everybody, but if you can get him to go to his doctor on the premise that he needs a check up or get him to go with you if you make an appointment. L Geoff. x

[guest75]

Hi this is my first post on here

I am kind of in the same situation as your husband, in that I have been suffering from depression for a long time and my partner has tried time and again to tell me i need help , but i refused to admit it, maybe i was too proud? I dont know

Either way, it got progressively worse and i was taking it out on her and the kids (i always yelling at them, and it got stupid towards the end where i was calling her names, i was calling the kids names) all because i didnt listen to her and get help

She has now left me (she has taken out an Intervention Order where i cant contact her at all), and i am not seeing my kids at all

I dont know your husband, but if hes anything like me, it could be the reason why he is shutting you out, and wont listen to you that he needs help.  I regret not listening to my partner, it has caused me to lose my family, which is the only thing that means anything to me.

Dont give up on him, keep trying to get him to seek help, hopefully he sees the light before he ends up like me