Hopeless

[Effected912]

I've never posted before even though I've had some severe low points in my life but tonight something inside of me snapped and I figured it was worth a shot. I feel completely hopeless and trapped in a life I can't change without seriously hurting someone and I don't think I can live with that. I still live at home with my family even though I'm old enough that I should be well on the way to a life and family of my own, however I know that will never happen for me. When I was a young teenager my parents took on my aunt's baby due to her mental health and inability to care for her, shortly after the birth one parent got very sick and the other spent a lot of time at hospital to help with care so I had the baby most of the time which led me to develop a chronic illness that I still struggle with. That child is now a delinquent teenager who is too much for my mother to handle alone as the stress could quite literally kill her. In addition to that situation my sister got pregnant young and had a child with multiple issues, he is now 9 and requires full-time attention by both me and my sister and is very intense and can be out of control at times. My sister is simply not capable of minding him on her own so I spend all my time helping her with her son and doing everything I can for my mother and I'm stuck. I have no degree, no career prospects, no partner, no friends, no money and nothing to call my own and I can't see a way to make my life any better no matter how many times I'm told 'if you don't like your life do something about it' so I figured maybe if I type this it might help me in some small way even if nothing comes of it. I truely have no idea how I'm supposed to live a happy life knowing I'm stuck with very little I can do about it and will probably never have a future where I'm not that pathetic woman with nothing to show for herself even though my life's 'not that bad' as I'm told repeatedly. If anyone has any advice they can like free please share, I'm so lost.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

firstly, you said you have had several low point in your life and you today you decided to write here and share a little of your story. I am glad (if that is possible) you were able to write here, perhaps as a way of putting your thoughts of paper, getting them out of your head and I hope was able to get a little relief. Though now wondering what sort of replies you might get.

I also want to acknowledge the help you give your family. You said that you spend all your time helping your sister and her son. I guess that also means you do not allow yourself to have any time to yourself? Even when you support someone else, there also needs to be time for you to be able to recharge. Web pages on the beyond blue web site talk this

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone

And when there are some many things to "fix" it can be hard to know where to start also, so can be difficult to - "do something about it". Perhaps if you were able to imagine (and write here?) the future you would hope for when all the issues were no longer problems, there can be possibilities in how to get from point A to point B. What would that look like?

Jumping into a space of uncertainty is hard. It might also open up possibilities. A new path or journey waiting.

Listening to you,

Tim