Hi all.
Didn't realise how hard it is to start off the first post! Obviously I am a newcomer to the site but thought I needed to try something. Why am I here???? Glad you asked. I am so over feeling upset and annoyed by things that apparently, should not really bother me that much. I do not enjoy feeling this way so often, and I just wish I could be the happy me more of the time. I am sure my wife feels the same about this too. I do tend to get upset/angry when things go wrong, especially if I am unable to steer events where I either think, or know they should go. I have little to zero tolerance for frustration. Unfortunately my reactions are apparently not commensurate with the situation. I accept this is true. I do not get physically violent, but fail miserably to control my "verbal anger" when my frustration reaches a certain level. Unfortunately, my poor wife is the only other occupant of our house so she is the only other person that deals with this. She says that once a bad or annoying situation has been rectified, I simply go looking for another one. And she is right. Negativity is my constant companion. Has been for as long as I can remember. I make no real attempt at making close friends as I feel as though people see me as silly, annoying, loud (I am partially deaf so I do tend to talk too loud like you do when wearing headphones), not as successful as them and generally not "friend-worthy". Other than my years as a muso, I have no hobbies or outside interests as I feel everyone will be looking at me, for all the wrong reasons........even though there might be many other people there too....I am the one that stands out because I feel awkward, ungainly, inept or just plain stupid. And yet, put me on a stage in front of thousands and I am Mr. Confident. And I loved it for nearly 30 years. Go figure! Lately I have become, I am sure, almost too much to tolerate and my fear is my wife will soon say she's had enough. I just do not understand me. No confidence. Always seeing the negative. The glass is not only half empty, but it should be a bigger glass too. I have relatively good health, a wife that I love and trust to the moon and back, and she loves me dearly also. We are both employed and about to purchase another home together. We are certainly not rich but not struggling either. I find that my negativity to so much, frustrates me and cripples me and causes me to feel annoyed, therefore negative. Just one massive circle!! Am I unique??
