Hmmm, this IS difficult.....

[crankypants]

Hi all.

Didn't realise how hard it is to start off the first post! Obviously I am a newcomer to the site but thought I needed to try something. Why am I here???? Glad you asked. I am so over feeling upset and annoyed by things that apparently, should not really bother me that much. I do not enjoy feeling this way so often, and I just wish I could be the happy me more of the time. I am sure my wife feels the same about this too. I do tend to get upset/angry when things go wrong, especially if I am unable to steer events where I either think, or know they should go. I have little to zero tolerance for frustration. Unfortunately my reactions are apparently not commensurate with the situation. I accept this is true. I do not get physically violent, but fail miserably to control my "verbal anger" when my frustration reaches a certain level. Unfortunately, my poor wife is the only other occupant of our house so she is the only other person that deals with this. She says that once a bad or annoying situation has been rectified, I simply go looking for another one. And she is right. Negativity is my constant companion. Has been for as long as I can remember. I make no real attempt at making close friends as I feel as though people see me as silly, annoying, loud (I am partially deaf so I do tend to talk too loud like you do when wearing headphones), not as successful as them and generally not "friend-worthy". Other than my years as a muso, I have no hobbies or outside interests as I feel everyone will be looking at me, for all the wrong reasons........even though there might be many other people there too....I am the one that stands out because I feel awkward, ungainly, inept or just plain stupid. And yet, put me on a stage in front of thousands and I am Mr. Confident. And I loved it for nearly 30 years. Go figure! Lately I have become, I am sure, almost too much to tolerate and my fear is my wife will soon say she's had enough. I just do not understand me. No confidence. Always seeing the negative. The glass is not only half empty, but it should be a bigger glass too. I have relatively good health, a wife that I love and trust to the moon and back, and she loves me dearly also.  We are both employed and about to purchase another home together. We are certainly not rich but not struggling either. I find that my negativity to so much, frustrates me and cripples me and causes me to feel annoyed, therefore negative. Just one massive circle!! Am I unique??

[white knight]

Hi crankypants, welcome to beyond blue forums

No, you are not unique at all. You do have issues though that I think can be largely rectified. I'm no doctor, just a sufferer like yourself.

I am on mood stabilisers and they help me enormously. Also I've spent a lot of time over many years turning my negative attitude into a a positive one. Not easy but once you are there you'd squirm inside when you converse with a negative thinker. They are annoying and depressing to talk to. And they drag you down. Your view of the world can change to be fun and more relaxed.

I can recommend several threads for you to browse over. They will help get things in perspective.

I also recommend you talk to your wife about her accompanying you to any future therapy sessions. Start with a trip to your doctor first. I commend you in seeking help here as the first step. That takes courage. It could well save your marriage in the long run.

Use search or google to find these threads

Your attitude is not a mental illness

Depression-are there any positives?

Being positive- what's the secret?

Feeding your brain

and one for your wife if you so desire to share it-

Talking to men- some tips

It is important that you and your wife view this condition as unfortunate and as an illness, that it isnt a case of fault with you personally. It can be your childhood, your genes or your environment. Whatever it is it is important to tackle it in that vien. Your wife could learn various techniques on how to approach you etc.

Good luck  Tony WK

[Neil_1]

Hi there CP

Just like White Knight has already done, I’d like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for providing your post.  Yes, the first time can be difficult – not only coming onto the site and posting, but also determining what you want to put out there – but can I say that you’ve done a great job and have provided some really excellent view-points.

I believe that White Knight has really nailed an excellent reply to you and has pretty much covered most aspects that I would have suggested.  I think the one about if you’re able to seek out professional help, by first seeing a doctor is great, but with the added option of possibly including your wife as well.  And I don’t know if this is something that may crop up at the appointment (ie:  your verbal anger) but that I feel would be best spoken about and not actually shown – and that’s just fully friendly and hopefully helpful advice.

Also just reading through your post again, you exhibit signs of someone who comes with a good sense of humour, which is something that I think a lot of us enjoy – I certainly do.  Just little things like:   “why am I hear?” and followed up immediately with, “Glad you asked”.  I enjoyed that.   AND I’ve always heard of the glass half empty theory, but never heard it followed on with, “but it should be a bigger glass too”.  That’s very good stuff.

Lastly, I’m trying to piece together what you actually did for nearly 30 years?   I’m taking a stab here and as you said you were a muso, and up on stage in front of thousands, you become Mr Confident.   I know this is an anonymous site, but could it be that you are Angry Anderson??   You know with what I’ve just put forward and with your username being crankypants.   I know that’s a long shot, but hey, I’m always in for a gamble.  Ok, a little tongue in cheek stuff there, BUT being serious now, were you a part of a band that toured around and played in front of thousands of fans??

I hope that Tony’s post has hit the spot for you and I really look forward to hearing back from you.

Cheers

Neil

[crankypants]

Hi WK

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It was interesting to read your comments and the childhood/genes/environment angle is interesting. Will be discussing avenues with my wife, and in the meantime searching for those threads you suggested. Once again, thanks for your interest and time.

CP

[crankypants]

Hi Neil

Thanks for responding.

Just trying to type while laughing hysterically (or maniacally) thinking about the Angry Anderson question. Alas, no I am not him, as perusal of my bank account would confirm. Funny you should ask though as a couple of months ago, my wife and I were having a meal at a pub in Gympie and he was there enjoying his beer and a bit of anonymity. Also did play on the same stage as him at the annual Broadford Hells Angels concert in Victoria millions of years ago, with my old band. He was with Rose Tattoo at the time. For reasons of MY anonymity, I cannot mention any of my old bands but up until 8 or so years ago, I had enjoyed my time as a semi pro muso for again, millions of years. Now that I am no longer an "active" muso, I actually wonder if that is contributing to my periods of Crankypants-itis............Have recently purchased a drum kit, yes that's right, I am a drummer or "drumber" but have yet to be able to play due to living in a small house (picture a furnished matchbox) if that is what you'd call it. However, plans are afoot. As WK suggested, I will be checking out the threads he suggested.......last time I checked out suggested threads, it was my mum suggesting I wear a bodyshirt and slacks!! Sorry.......But anyway, thanks to yourself also for taking the time to reply and I'm glad I got you chuckle from my sad pommy humour. You'd be the first!!

CP

[Neil_1]

Hey CP

Awesome to hear back from you and you've got this little black duck smiling and giggling again.  I wonder how many people have heard of the term "this little black duck?"   My eldest bro used to refer to it all the time when we were growing up back in the day;  and he was referring to himself.  Probably now with all the political correctness it would be something like:  "this little duck with a very dark complexion".

Of course - you couldn't mention the bands name, otherwise, yes, the anonymity of it all would be gawn.   And you've done it again, with the thread comment and mum suggesting bodyshirt and slacks.  And dude, I'm so pleased that you linked the word 'slacks' with your mum saying that.  I don't think blokes have the word slacks in their dictionary.  🙂

My son (16yo) is a very very keen drummer;   he started learning, oh must have been when he was 13yo.  He's played in a couple of bands with mates;  nothing big at all;  just more muckaround and getting together to work their instruments and try to create new songs etc.  All good stuff.

We have him set up pretty much in the middle of the house;   and have it mattressed up and blanketed up as much as we can;  and the neighbours are cool with it.  He also doesn't practise anytime before 10am and not after 5pm.  But he LOVES it;  the trouble is, his favourite genre of music is METAL.  And from that there are so many varieties of metal and he's pretty much into all of them.  The rest of the fam aren't, so we can't really bop along to anything that he gets into, but still, it's all good.

Sorry got a bit carried away there;   I am really keen to know how you are going at the moment?  It's been like a week and a half since you first posted, so just wondering if you've been able to make even the slightest bit of head-way?  Would be great to know and to hear back from you (on all of the above points).

Cheers

Neil

[White_Rose]

Hello CP

Welcome and thank you for your story. The thank you is especially heartfelt as I also have a shocking temper when things go amiss and I often wonder if I also go looking for things to be angry about.

Yes I know the little black duck and bodyshirts. Never could get my husband to wear one though (shirt not duck). He was never the world's most fachionable dresser. Being an old pommie I had a chuckle at your style of writing. However I had best not compare it Aussie works for fear of being un-PC.

My son plays the guitar and at one time played in pubs in Melbourne.

A quick comment about negativity and lack of self-esteem. I don't know if you are clinically depressed, not being a doctor or any shade of psych, but you sound a bit down. Negative thoughts about yourself are par for the course so please try to accept that this can change.

Tony and Neil have given you heaps of advice and encouragement and it's all good stuff so I have little to add. It can be therapeutic to write in here and get support so please continue if it helps.

I feel I have used a few cliches. Must be because of a book I have called "Cliches - Avoid Them Like the Plague".

Mary

[crankypants]

Hi all.

Thanks for the replies and suggestions. 

Sorry for the lapse in posting, but I have been pretty busy with work, house buying, and most exciting of all....going out and keeping occupied with my dear wife. Have realised that slowly cutting down on regular fun activities has been very damaging to my overall moods. Went for a simple picnic last weekend with my much loved minister of finance, and oh my god......so enjoyable and relaxing. She is one very smart cookie as it was her that thought idle time was my biggest enemy. We are now determined to get out and about each week and just do something enjoyable. Who'd have thought 2 reclining camp chairs, trees, birds and an esky of cold meat and salad, cake and bloody soda water could be such an effective "medication"? Even so, I'm orf to the gp today to "spill my guts", as it were. Funny innit.......just typing a few words to people I've never met has proven to be effective in "unloading" some of my frustrations etc!! Thanks all, and Mary.....just wondering that you said you could never get your husband to wear a bodyshirt, but you stopped short of clarifying that there was also no wearing of ducks?? I personally find duck wearing a messy affair, especially black ducks. People look at you all funny if you wear one as a dinner jacket......some people eh!!

[White_Rose]

No, my husband did not wear ducks of any description but it is a family joke that he once found a small lizard in his hair.  Using a brush and comb are beyond him (being male) as well as haircuts. So a lizard found a good home. I wonder if that's why I left him.

So happy to read about your picnic. It is amazing how these small things give us such fantastic pleasure.

Yes, I agree about unloading your frustration. Beyond Blue is a safe site to tell it like it is because of the anonymity.  Keep on posting as often as you want. You realise of course that we want to "know all" about your GP visit. I do hope it was beneficial. Hope to hear from you soon.

Mary

[white knight]

Hi CP,

I've been on medication, gone to therapy, had psychiatrist visits and regular GP checks.

I dont want to lower the value of these things but the greatest impact to my recovery came from my positive determination, my hobby being my 3 wheeled motorcycle and camping (camper trailer towed behind motorcycle).

Altogether of course they all contribute but focussing on other more enjoyable things other than ones illnesses is proactive. Getting distracted to any manner of travelling is tops.

Keeping myself occupied has helped. I read many threads here and often there is a common theme, that of dwelling on themselves, dissecting all little bits and pieces of their own behaviour etc. It is like an internal snowball.

Hope that helps mate.

Tony WK