Hi, my life's a mess and I don't know how to be happy

[Fisharony]

Hello,
I'm 16 and I feel like my life has come crashing down around me. I am posting here because my friends don't like when I complain about my life, they say "fish you don't know what its like to struggle and your life is perfect". But my life is far from perfect. I just left my old school because of all the bullying, I'm in year 10 but since year 5 I've been part of a really toxic friendship group. At first they just left me out of things but over time it escalated. They started making me sit outside the circle, they made other people stop talking to me and they wouldn't invit me to anything. And if someone did invite to to something they would say "uninvite her or we aren't going and you'll have to sit outside the circle". I stayed because I had one really good friend in that group, we'll call her Maggie. Maggie stuck with me until year 8 when she started dating the leader of the group. A bunch of drama happened with them but they stayed together for 3 months, I felt like I lost my best friend, I was so alone. When they broke up the leader pushed Maggie out of the group, so that's when I left, I supported her and helped her. I tried to stay strong as I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years. It was hard to help her when she said she wanted to kill herself and I didn't know what to do. At the beginning of year 9, I felt like the year was going to be better but then in the second term Maggie committed suicide. She was gone, my only friend. I didn't tell anyone that she wanted to die because she said she'd hate me if I did. I've struggled since then and I feel like it's my fault.
Thanks for reading

[Sophie_M]

Hey Fisharony,

Firstly we just wanted to acknowledge how brave you've been in sharing your journey with us here on the forums. We can only imagine how painful it must be to lose such a good friend, but please know that this is not your fault. Our friendly community are here to talk through these feelings with you, and offer as much conversation and support as you need. You've come to a safe and non-judgemental space to express these emotions, and please know that you never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. 

We understand that this must be such an incredibly overwhelming time for you- can we ask if there are any friends or family that you'd feel comfortable opening up to about these feelings? We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our kind and supportive friends at Kids Helpline, who offer confidential and anonymous telephone and online counselling specifically for young people aged 25 and under. Please do feel free to reach out to them anytime, day or night, 24/7, on 1800 55 1800 or if you'd feel more comfortable chatting online, you can also reach out anytime through their webchat: https://kidshelpline.com.au We’d also welcome you to reach out to the lovely counsellors at Lifeline on 13 11 14 (or through online chat 7pm-midnight) whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Hopefully a few of our wonderful community members will pop by soon with kind words of support and advice. We hope that you keep checking back in to let us know how you are going whenever you feel ready. We're all here for you. 

[mocha delight]

Hi fisharony first I’d like to say it wasn’t your fault ok and I’m sure your friend who stuck by you would not want you to blame yourself ever 🤗. I’m 33 in December but I to was bullied in primary school, I changed schools for year 6 & was hoping it would be different for me but it wasn’t. And if you ever need to chat I’m here for you ok.

[randomspace]

Hey, it’s not your fault, none of this is. Your not “complaining” about your life, everyone has a right to be able to talk to others and about there problems. I can’t fully understand as this is your life, not mine, but I had a similar situation to you, my best friend and it is hard. Try seeing someone about it, if you are not already. I just want you to know that there are people who care, places you can turn to for support.