Hi,
I'm 17 and I'm pretty sure I have really bad depression. My HSC exams start in a little over 2 weeks, and I'm struggling to get in the mood to study, as some mornings, and during the day, I just feel sad. It's sort of like an emptiness? I'll just sit on the floor of my room feeling like throwing or punching something, if I get annoyed, and then cry. It was like that today. My mum came into my room and just pointed at my study timetable that's hanging on my wall, and didn't leave until I moved to get up off my bed.
As soon as she left, I had the sudden urge to peg something at a wall or hit something, and when I got to my desk and turned on my laptop to start studying, I burst into tears. The weird thing is, that it'll just stop, and then start later on.
I feel hopeless, it's as though I can never get out of this never-ending circle of sleep, eat, study, sleep, eat, study, and I'm sick of it. I've talked to my doctor a little about it, and she wants to wait until I finish the HSC, to see if it'll continue, or if it's just a phase because of the huge amount of stress. It's really hard to concentrate right now because I feel like I'm about to burst into tears at any given moment.
My mum knows about my depression-like behaviour and says that I should do more things that I enjoy, but I feel as though I don't have the time anymore, and never did or will. I really enjoy listening to music, colouring in and writing my own stories, but if I listen to music I'll get easily distracted, and the other 2 just take up time that I feel I need for study. It's the same with my friends, as I haven't really been able to talk to them much throughout the year, as I've moved schools, and I just feel really lonely and secluded.
I don't know what to do.
