Heart broken

[Cherry84]

When your 3 year old daughter asks in the most caring way…. Are you ever going to be happy? And then asked my husband ‘what’s wrong with mum’

today felt like a normal day, nothing bad happened…

But what she said straight away broke my heart that I’m having this effect on her and to know I’m not good enough for her… she deserves better than me

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

I had to think about the question you were asked and how I might respond. My answer would be I hope so. I still have moments when like you I am not good enough. This is also a reflection of our experiences in life and the effect these had on us. At the same time, I am sure you have a lot of good qualities and skills and talents. Yet the thought of being not good enough smothers and positives about ourselves. At least that is how I feel or think. Someone also said to me that for each negative comment it takes between 5 and 10 positives to reverse the negative thoughts.

And that your daughter loves you it means you are doing right by her as a mother, friend etc.

Can I ask if you are speaking to anyone about how you feel?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm so sorry to read this. I do understand. After my marriage break up I collected my daughters 7 and 4yo from their mothers and 5km later my youngest, sitting in the back seat sucking her thumb said "dad, we want to keep you".

So, you have depression and this is the result of that depression, it isn't the result of your actions.

Children are resilient, more so than us. They are so honest as you realise. As well they - grow. Part of growth for them is to learn empathy, general care, sadness, happiness and many other things. In fact as the get older they will learn also about mental health, yours and theirs and how to communicate effectively to those that need a hand on the shoulder.

In every situation in your life you can pluck out a positive factor. I've just showed you how there is a positive in your child's questions.

So, what do you do now? You can suffer depression as well as being motivated. There's a couple of tricks in doing so but it's well worth your while to learn this.

One thread I wrote on this is (use google)-

Beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

You only need to read the first post of these recommended threads.

You can attend motivation lectures and read books on positivity.

Another challenge for you is- learning to de-escalate catastrophising situations. We types tend to feel the emotions of an event rather than being calculated and adapting to that event. A job for a therapist.

It might be time to pat yourself on the back. At the lowest point of my life I developed a routine daily action that grew my confidence.

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Overthinking can hinder your harmony of mind. This can result in worry.

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

By writing here tonight you have proved what a wonderful mother you are. Cradle your accomplishments.

Here is a thread that has some links in it that are priceless. I hope you benefit from them.

Beyondblue topic meditation, he helped me for 25 years- Maharaji

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Cherry, we feel your intense concern but because you are worried so much, means that you are worried and this feeling doesn't always happen with someone suffering from any type of depression, usually it's blocked out by them and has no real impact on them.

You are human and we go through times when we just don't feel OK, sometimes this affects some people more than others and times when you haven't been happy for quite a while and the reasons may be unknown and no matter how much we try and find out why we only go around in circles.

We do exactly the same to our youngster's who may tell us the reason or only half of why they feel like this because not only do they love us, there is care that's involved and that's how you feel about your 3 year old daughter by asking this question.

Just try and explain to her that no one can be perfect and there are times when it all becomes too much and people feel sad for a little longer than usual, but I'm still your mummy and I love you so much and that you're going to see a doctor (psych) who will make you feel better.

Tell her there are times when you don't feel like eating an ice cream and one of these times is now because you don't feel well enough.

My very best.

Geoff. x

[Cherry84]

Thanks for the response. I was speaking with someone but I don’t think she was right for me and As a result I lied my way through it so she said I was fine and stopped the sessions. I hated being told, just be kind to myself , that only made it worse and I blocked her out.

Just feel like I’m going to ruin my girls 2,3 and I feel Ive already done that with my boys who are 17,13.
the constant thought that pops into my head is they’re better off without me because I’m going to ruin them. I don’t want them to be like me.

[Cherry84]

Thanks for responding.
I may be misreading the first paragraph but when I read it, does that mean what I’m suffering is not depression?? I question it all the time? Am I depressed or what is it, what’s wrong with me?? I don’t feel numb when it comes to my children , everything else I have no real emotion towards but when it comes to them I feel everything deep .. whether it’s happy , sad. They are why I am here they are why I am trying. But I’m failing and they can see it… my 3 year old can see it and it sux.
I can’t even answer my husband when he asks what’s wrong or what’s triggered it.. I don’t know? I don’t have any answers. I just don’t know.

[Cherry84]

Thank you I will look into these