He took he's proposal back 😭

[Daisy245]

Please don't judge

I've gotten into contact with an ex for closure. it's been 14 years since I've seen him and 8 since I don't live in the same country. Living different lives I've got kids ,he does not. he's single, I'm not. My marriage has been failing for years were basically in it for the kids but not having any family here is probably the only reason why we're still married besides the kids of cause.

last year I got in contact with ex,he was and probably still is the love of my life. I needed closure,all these years I've been hurting ,I've missed him ,I've hated him.i just needed to know what happened. Honestly things were going great. We cleared some things ,asked and gave forgiveness.

fast forward 8 months , we're still speaking it's was so nice having him as my friend. And things got serious, telling me he can't be without me,he loves me,wants me have a child together. I was shocked Ive wanted all these things my whole life and here he's telling me that it can happen. I asked if he's sure this is what he wants,yes. Do you want children,yes definitely. I have children ,you can't have me without them you have to be okay with that, yes I know Im 200% sure of this.

so of cause my heart is racing ,I get to be with the man Ive always loved and he's okay with my children. My mind was racing, I'm over the moon, I get to be happy again with someone I never stopped loving.

Sometime goes by and he's acting weird and he tells me this is not going to work. I'm shocked ,what do you mean.what changed ?? He had time to think and felt that he couldn't "wait" for me to come home (mind you I go home in 3 months). Says it's not the kids ,that this isn't good for us. And that was he's last words.he blocked me. Just like that. Blocked me. Left me . Didn't have any decency to have a proper conversation with me. Just like that,this isn't good for us.

I'm beyond heartbroken. I believed him and once again he's hurt me. I've only ever felt this pain once before and it was by him and I've been through a lot , but this pain is so bad that my depression has gotten so much worse. It took me years to be okay from that first heartbreak, I was a complete mess, i did things that I should be ashame of but I won't because it got me through the tough times and I had to go through that all in my own.

But now I'm older,I should be wiser,I have children that needs me, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through this. I have not stopped crying. I just want the pain to go away💔

[jsm1974]

Hi Daisy245

I'm so sorry for only seeing this now! You are clearly struggling with this, and I can definitely relate as I am in the process of losing the love of my life as well. Like me, you are probably dealing with constant panic attacks, intense sadness, feelings of self-doubt, etc. You and I both need to understand that the fact that this person does not want to be in our life is not any indication at all of our value as individuals. You deserve so much better than the treatment he gave you. Please know this.

As I said, I am struggling with very similar feelings, so I'm not going to act like I know how to get through it, but there are some things that have helped me a bit. One thing I do is visualize myself feeling good at some point in the future. I don't think about why I feel good or what my situation is, only that I feel good. I usually imagine that I'm walking down my street thinking about how happy I am that I made it through and how much better the experience has made me as a person. It can be hard to do at first, but once it clicks you'll be addicted. I'm also working on mindfulness, which is a slow, difficult, and unrewarding process at first, but as I've kept practicing I've found that it helps a little bit more each day.

You sound like someone who loves deeply, which is an amazing quality to have, so you deserve someone who loves the same way. I hope this at least helps you feel a bit less alone, but keep posting when you need to. Being heard helps a lot, I think.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Daisy245

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. Your story is heartbreaking and it shouldn’t happen to anyone and you have gone through this twice! I am glad you have reached out and please be assured: nobody is ever going to judge you here. You are in a safe place and even if people don’t experience the same as yourself, you are always going to hear words of encouragement and expression of empathy.
My words of advice: please don’t be too harsh on yourself. Yes, you have gone through this before, yes, you are older, etc but this is heart and deepest feelings of love we are talking about. Nobody is ever going to rationalise them. He happen to appear in your life when you were deeply unhappy and hurting (in your relationship). Happened to tell you things you had dreamt of hearing. Your soul and heart were thirsty for those words, moments, dreaming about beautiful future. You are a beautiful person who have decided to give the love of your life another chance. How can anybody judge such beautiful act of wanting to be loved and happy?

What can be judged is this guy’s behaviour and abusing your trust, willingness to forgive the past, hurting you to the core.

As I said before, please be kind to yourself as you have done nothing wrong here. You just happened to be unfortunate enough to be tricked by the same guy twice.

Thinking of you and here to chat more.