In some ways, I am grateful for my depression.
It has taught me empathy.
It has taught me resilience.
It has taught me gratitude for the good times.
It has taught me that no matter how bad something may seem, there is always a solution and things will improve if you keep pushing forward.
It has taught me not to always trust my emotions.
It has taught me to look out for those who may be experiencing something similar and that things aren’t always as they seem.
I am also grateful for my depression in that I always know that it will end and that eventually I can be happy again.
In 2018 I was diagnosed with bipolar two, meaning that as well as my depression, I was also experiencing hyper-manic episodes. These usually occur almost directly after a depressive episode and last for 2-3 days.
With only 1 or 2 exceptions, my depression typically lasts 2-5 days. As bad as it can get, I always know that it will eventually get better.
When my depression crept into my life 8yrs ago, I did not know what had hit me. It was scary and completely foreign. But the scariest part about my first experiences with depression was the fact that I had no idea when or if it was going to end.
Slowly, over time, I would begin to see the pattern of my depression. It would last for 2-5 days, I’d feel shaky but relieved for a day or 2, feel fantastic for 2-3 and then eventually the depression would come knocking again.
It took me many years to be able to see this pattern and take comfort in the fact that my depression only lasts 2-5 days.
I am extremely lucky that this is the case, and know that my kind of depression, perhaps because of the bipolar, is quite rare.
I know that there are a multitude of people out there suffering with depression or another form of mental illness where they don’t have the comfort of knowing that ‘it will all be over in 2-5 days’.
I know that there are people out there who are in that state for months, even years and don’t have my ‘2-5 days’ to rely on.
It has taken me all the courage I possess to battle this demon, but to those people I have just described, to me, you define the word courage.
To continue to push on and fight, not knowing when or if the pain will end, is the epitome of courage and resilience.
Keep fighting. You are not alone.
