First time poster and new to the forum

[Neeka]

 

I’m new here and first time posting, typing this out with my eyes filled with tears.

my story is a long one but not as bad as some of the things I have seen from other people.

im 46 and married but im struggling with my head and my life.

i have been on medication for a few years now but feeling so low.

most of my day is spent in bed as i have no get up and go anymore.

everything i used to be and like is gone.

i know its bad now when I haven’t showered for a week or washed my hair for almost 2 weeks.

i gave up working as my social anxiety has become overwhelming and o get chest pain just leaving the house.

the thoughts i have in my head scare me to think like that but they just wont go away.

I am no longer the happy person I once was. 
the last few years have been extremely stressful from one thing and another.

i spent a month in the mental health unit for my own safety as i was pretty much having a breakdown.

i did ok for a little while after that but no im at rock bottom.

my GP doesn’t want to listen and tells me i will snap out of it.

im scared at what i might do to myself

[Sophie_M]

Hello Neeka, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing so openly and vulnerably with our community. Our hearts are very much with you right now, please know that you are not alone in this - many of us have been there too. 

What you are going through sounds incredibly distressing and it must be so much to grapple with on your own. It's disappointing to hear that your GP hasn't been supporting you... you definitely deserve to be heard right now. I know you mentioned that you are scared about what you might do to yourself and that you are finding things like self-care challenging - do you have a current safety plan? I'd love to suggest calling our support line directly to create one if you haven't or to talk you through one if you have: Talk to a counsellor - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue

It seems like you know how to reach out when things aren't okay, which is amazing. What do you feel you really need right now to feel most supported? 

I am also wondering, when do you last remember things feeling lighter for you? What was different about your world? Let's gently, and with curiosity, start there. ⁠

Warm regards, 
Sophie M.