Finally all too much, and now seeking help

[Memphis]

Hello, I am new here and new to admitting that finally it is all too much for me. This may or may not read easily, but considering my state of mind and how emotionally exhausted I am, I will just start typing and see what comes out.

I have been struggling for the last few months with being me, I feel incomplete and lost which is strange because I have two amazing kids and a beautiful wife, a good job and some great friends. But for some reason I can't concentrate, so I have 3-4 tasks on the go at once,  none of which get completed, even simple tasks have become to much for me to start and then finish. I get so anxious about everything that often I start to feel sick to my stomach which is starting to becomes life affecting. It has also started to lead to me thinking things like, my wife is going to cheat on me so I become angry at her for no real reason, except a silly thought that I don't have the emotional to fight and as a result I give her the silent treatment. Finally my wife sat me down the other night and made me talk to her about what was going on, and besides laying on the bed crying all I could I say to her was I am and had been for a while a bad husband and terrible father. Obviously she asked for more details or for me to express more about why I felt like that or what I exactly meant by my comments, but my mind is such a mess that I can't verbally explain how I feel to her. Even today, after another silent treatment because those negative thoughts about her entered my head, I cant find the word to verbally explain what/how I feel about me, or what is going on in head.

I guess by writing this I hope for two things, advice on how to describe to my wife what/how I feel and that by writing this post it is further confirmation that I am passed just self help or self healing and I need for my and my families sake, help, so I will go see my doctor asap to seek some professional guidance but any advice is appreciated.

Thanks..

[Lukita]

Hi Memphis,

I don't know how to help you feel better, but by replying this post, Hope you feel that there is someone care about how you feel

 How if you show this post to your wife, if it's hard for you to explain. I think she would understand you then. then from there, she might able to find a way to be with you and hopefully can get things sorted

[Dragon]

You have done 2 important steps 1. posting this asking for help and 2) making the move seeking assistance of a GP. With negative thoughts you need to learn to change them  into positive "I think my wife is cheating on me - to I love my wife and she loves me to. Reduce your task list by doing 1 at a time and spending more quality time with your wife and talking to her about what you are feeling. Instead of saying you're a terrible father do something with the children and then tell yourself "I'm a good dad because I spent time playing with my loved ones".

Rick

[downwardspiral]

Everything you have said is exactly the way I'm feeling. I have also seeked help. 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Memphis,

Multi tasking killed the family.

The above responses by Lukita, Dragon and Downwardspiral are all on the money.   We all feel like terrible fathers at one stage and it's not always about mental health.  We forget what Aunt Doris was wearing at our 1991 Wedding, we forget the milk, we forget that "we always watch Masterchef on this night", we forget to organise date nights, we forget to put the loo seat down, we forget he initial passion and total madness of being in love in the first place.

Parenting offers us that rare phenonemon of thinking we're dong the right thing when actually we're doing the opposite.  And, as a man that doesn't wear a bra, I had no idea that a tumble dryer can wreck this fine undergarment when left on a hot run for 90 mins with the rest of the laundry.   That  was 16 years ago and I'm still reminded of that one.    I made this observation about 18 months ago and a female responder noted, with humour, "that you can't beat a good bra strap for holding things together".

Maybe fathers need an imaginary mind strap to keep it all together.   Although, from memory, George from Seinfield has a whole episode marketing the "man bra".  I am a bit off topic !  But sometimes we just need a little support.

Adios, David.

PS  In my opinion, the "silent treatment" is the biggest cop out.  The sooner you establish some diaglogue the better.  Save the "silent treatment" for the mother in law or the door to door salesman selling Timeshare in Wagga Wagga.

[Memphis]

Firstly thanks to those that have either read or commented on my post, I appreciate it. Secondly since posting the original post I have shown it to my wife and this has allowed the lines of communication to be opened up which has made me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am not fixed but god it felt good to be able to attempt to talk to her about how I felt over recent times and to my wifes credit, she has been amazing about it all. Never pushing for details but always willing to listen to what I had to say, and often it was not really coherant or would be in bits and pieces over the last few days. Having such a supportive person in my life is certainly going to help me deal with this and things into the future with less of a feeling like I am doing it alone.

The negative comments running through my head have not dissappeared, but I am trying to overcome them by trying to change them into a positive or less negative, its kinda working(sometimes) or trying to make my mind busy with another task. I see my doctor in the next few days, so will be interesting to see what she suggests for how I am feeling and how I continue to deal with my issues.

I would say that by writing the post and finally admitting to myself and my wife that I am struggling, things have changed for the better for me and my family, i feel less angry, less agitated, less over whelmed by almost everything, less like my body was a tight ball of stress just waiting to explode at my wife or kids or crying because I still haven't fixed the stupid backdoor that broke weeks ago.

I hope that someone may read this post and other peoples posts and take that step that can scare us so much, and have faith that someone in their life, either a partner, a family member or friend, will take the time to listen and help in what ever way they can;