Feeling unstable

[Vman90]

Hello fellow beyondblue members,

having a psychologist appointment today for ptsd problems we touched on the more personal side of my life and this has triggered a deep low which I'm having trouble coping with. There was the mention that even after being medicated for 18months I still quite frequently have active suicidal thoughts and tonight these have triggered again . I feel like I'm just about to lose it completely. If anyone is there that can chat that would be good as I'm in need of some emotional support . 

Id like to touch on a little bit of history. I was diagnosed back in 2005 with a "minor" depressive disorder and was untreated for 8 years. Was only last year that depression worsened and was diagnosed as a major depressive disorder. Have been medicated since being hospitalised for trying to end the pain in May last year all was "well" apart from the "highs" that I was getting but didn't say anything as it felt good when I was in a euphoric mood. Was only about a month ago when I spoke up and have recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. I believe I have told most of the story. Any input on how to break free from this monster that is eating at my mind would be great. Thanks for reading

vman

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Vman

Firstly, when you're feeling as you were last night and things are so horrible for you - at the top of each page on Beyond Blue there is a hotline number to call.  Please do so - this is so important.  Also, not only this line, but also the Lifeline (131114) organisation are also brilliant and are there for these critical purposes in times of ultra stress and crisis.  Please keep those numbers handy Vman.

Secondly, I'd also like to extend a warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and posting.

I guess though with the posting here, it's not as an automatic situation as you'd sometimes like it to be - it IS brilliant, but it's not like a chat line - as you can imagine with so many people posting about all kinds of issues, there is a need for moderation before some posts can be put out for public consumption.  Just a safety net.

As you've probably been told, it's all a large production to get things in place to help battle our illness.  Seeking help (either family, friends, or even on this site or others), seeking professional help (GP's, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc), obtaining medications to assist;  then there's the general welfare of the human body;  eating properly, drinking water to keep us hydrated (very important aspect), exercise, getting ample sleep and the list goes on.

One thing I'd like to check - with the medication that you've been on for this length of time and yet you're still having suicidal thoughts - my suggestion there would be to get back to your prescribing professional and let them know this.  My thoughts are that they should take you off this particular kind of medication and to try you on another.  There's literally hundreds of meds out there;  and perhaps this one is not a good fit for you.

Please stay with us Vman and write as often as you wish too.  There's a lot of wonderful people here and they'll come to see your post and respond as well.

Take care and please remember those numbers and please write back soon.

Neil

[Vman90]

Hi neil1,

i did end up calling the beyond blue hotline last night in regards to my thoughts at the time . They did put me through to my local country mental health line. was told to see my gp this morning which has been done and I've been put on another medication for the extreme cycling that is happening at the moment. I was getting weaned off the antidepressant I've been on for so long to change meds when I discussed the highs that I was experiencing. Am still feeling pretty flat as I was expecting.. Turns out it made the cycles more frequent. Higher highs and lower lows cycling daily from what I've recognised. Thanks for your response.

vman

[Neil_1]

Hi vman

Thanx so much for your kind response back and well done to you for getting in touch with the beyond blue hotline number;  I'm really pleased that you were able to do that.  And it sounds like they were able to provide you with some good advice, which you followed through as well.  🙂

Ahhhh, getting weaned of anti-depressants, yes, that can be fraught with risks and danger;  and really needs to be closely monitored.

It's good that you're now on another kind and that things have been recognised, both by yourself and now a treating GP.

If you're able to, it'd be great to hear back from you in a couple of days, just to see how you're travelling?

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Vman, I've just picked up your post and pleased that Neil has replied back to you.

When there is a misdiagnosis, well only to a certain extent, because BP still falls under the category of depression then we are taking the incorrect medication, in other words it doesn't do it's proper job.

There is also another problem that we have to be weaned off the previous antidepressant and what this does is create an anxious few weeks which then makes it very difficult for us.

There are so many times when we just want to reach through our screen and give the person a hug, because other people feel exactly the same as what you do now, but we obviously can't, but in theory we do when we reply, so I hope that still continue to post. Geoff.

[Vman90]

Hi all

thanks once again for the responses. Just thought I'd drop in for a quick update. Am definitely feeling a little more level headed at the moment with the exception of feeling like a complete zombie. The dr has suggested that I  stay on my current medication for a little longer even though I've been trying to get switched for quite some time. This has been frustrating on its own but such is life. As of Saturday it has gone to a total of four different meds treating 2 illnesses as now the bipolar diagnoses is part of the depressive side of things. Ptsd from the bushfires In jan I am on the final stretch to be cleared from that (yay). Unfortunately being a volly firefighter I responded to a nasty incident yesterday and have had a little trouble coping but hoping that should pass soon. It would be a miracle if there was one pill for all mental health issues because it's honestly no fun having the intake of meds. That in itself is a challenge for the mind to grasp. 

once again thank you for your kind replies and a virtual hug for all of you. 

regards

 vman

[Neil_1]

Hi there vman

Mate, thanx heaps for your latest update.  It’s good that the treating Dr is helping you out with this (as they should, but let me tell you, that not ALL doctors are alike – which is not good).

So you’re on your existing meds, but also, have had some others introduce as well – your Doc may or may not have said that when you commence a new batch of meds, they do take some time before they fully kick in.

Oh man, being a volunteer firefighter – mega kudos to you.  Such a brilliant thing to take on;  but as you’d be only too aware, it is extremely dangerous.  With these types of situations, does your local fire brigade have available any kinds of counselling options available??  Situations like this can be very traumatic so I just wonder if the fire brigade doesn’t have their own counselling available?

Look forward to hearing back from you.

Neil

[Vman90]

Hi Neil

i totally agree that not all doctors are equal. Had an appointment with a different doctor yesterday and she seemed a lot more compassionate towards mental health conditions. Not so much push push here's a script. More talk about what's happening plus side effects for the new med. only effect was feeling like I'd been drugged into inner peace. Still getting the rapid cycles to date but the highs are getting a lot shallower (hooray). The lows are still just as low though. Have got another appointment Tuesday for referral to a private psychiatrist. If that fails to work I don't know what's left to do but be institutionalised. As for the firefighting I do have a very good support group within the brigade itself plus the stress prevention and management team which is on call 24/7. Have hopefully nearly finished with the ptsd counselling.