Feeling sad and worthless

[Angelic_raiin]

Hey all!

First time posting and a little nervous. Lately life has been tough mentally for me. I just know that I can't do anything right all the time. I'm definitely very lucky and feel like I shouldn't feel like this but I probably cry every time I'm alone because I hate being seen as weak and having people talk to me about feelings. I feel like a burden and unlikeable.

I just look at people who are happy and wish I could be happy like them but deep down I really can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I have hobbies that make me happy but then I have to come back to the real world and face my life. 

Thanks to anyone that read this, its probably not as important as other people here but I needed somewhere to get my feelings without feeling scared of judgement.

[strugglzreal]

Hi Angelic_raiin, I hope you are doing ok. I'm new to the forums too and here for not dissimilar reasons.  It was actually the constant crying that ultimately got me to seek mental health support last years - I'd cried about 5 times in the previous 10 years and suddenly it was every day.  I could pull myself together 'in public' but the second I was alone - 😭.

Talking about it with a complete stranger can be really helpful so I think its awesome you decided to come on the forums to have a chat.  I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

What is it about your hobbies that make you happy? Is it that they 'shut your brain off' for a while and distract you? or perhaps a sense of achievement?  Maybe you can capture some of that to help combat the sadness at other times.  I have cats that make me happy - do they count as a hobby?

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Angelic_raiin,

First of all I want to say I love your user name. I read it as “angelic rain” and it made me think of how peaceful it is when soft rain is falling. It also made me think of how there can be beauty in sadness, kind of like the tenderness and gentleness of tears.

It sounds like you are feeling very vulnerable right now and so it is wonderful you are reaching out here. I think many of us at one time or another have felt unlikeable and a burden. But you are definitely not a burden and your sensitivity in your post already shows you are likeable in your honesty and sensitivity. Some of us in the world are especially sensitive and I think we’re the ones who can often doubt ourselves and be hard on ourselves.

It’s really great you have your hobbies. I’ve read about how being absorbed in an activity such as a hobby can calm the part of the brain that tends to ruminate. When you come back to the real world as you say, it might be that your mind is going back into rumination or worry of some kind. I wonder if there is a way for you to extend the feeling you get from your hobbies into the rest of your life? And to also view your hobbies as being just as much a part of the real world as everything else?

Sometimes we have been encouraged to think of the mundane, responsibility-driven real world on the one hand, and the more indulgent “less real” world of our hobbies and interests on the other. But I think sometimes you can bring the magic from your creative world into the rest of your life.

Sometimes we might feel sad for a particular reason we can identify. Other times our feelings can be amorphous, like we are sad or depressed over an extended period without being able to identify where it might be coming from. It sounds like you have been struggling for a while. It can sometimes help to talk with someone, especially when you are feeling so alone. If it feels uncomfortable talking to people you know you can always try the Beyond Blue helpline 1300 224 636 (also web chat option) or consider counselling.

 I would say you are not weak at all but strong for reaching out here when vulnerable. It takes courage to do that. Also your feelings are absolutely as valid as anyone else’s both here and anywhere else. It is ok to be feeling what you’re feeling. Feel free to post further if it helps. Sending you a big virtual hug (if you want one).

[Angelic_raiin]

Hello!

So after last time I put something in I felt better and reading the responses made me feel like there's someone out there who actually cares to listen to me. So I'm gonna give it another go.

Im currently travelling with a friend and im just feeling really depressed and sad all the time. My friend is like perfect at everything all the time and next to her I look like the disorganised loser. Everything goes right for her and everything goes wrong for me. Everyone's nice to her and everyone treats me like garbage.

We've been friends for such a long time but I know she just doesn't get how I feel, I could feel her looking down on me when I had a bad day. I thought my crying in the bathroom days were over but they're clearly not. I just want to feel happy and have things go my way for once. I want people to look at me and treat me like im worth being here.

If you read this far thanks and bye.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Angelic-raiin,

Sometimes it can feel like we are less than another in various ways, that things don't go right for us and we are perceived negatively by others compared with someone else's experience which seems more positive. But one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is not compare ourselves with others but just focus in on our own happiness and wellbeing and what we can do for ourselves. Often once we own our own happiness, so to speak, things start to change for us in the outer world too.

If you feel someone is looking down on you, I think you can get to the point where you can let go of that and know whatever they may be thinking is their issue, separate from you. I know this is not easy, especially if you are a sensitive person. I am very sensitive and feel everything, including other people's emotions and judgements. But I am learning to value myself for me and not by what someone else may think. I think a lot of this can also be connected with our inner critic that can give us a hard time. If we think someone is judging us we then start being harsh on ourselves - a double whammy.

So I think moving away from comparisons is a good idea if you can find a way to shift in that direction. Once you start to nurture and value yourself, often people in the external world treat you better too. No one deserves to be not treated well, but what we can do as individuals is learn to nurture and care for ourselves rather than relying on external sources of validation. We can also orient to people with kind, healthy-functioning dispositions who we can learn from and often act as valuable guides in life. I'm learning to actively choose to be around warm, kind, non-judgemental people and it really makes a difference.

Sometimes some friendships need some revisions and boundary changes too. I know I have had to learn to set boundaries with friends who would expect me to do a lot for them and then give me a hard time if they weren't getting what they wanted from me. Friendships are not meant to be that way. Ideally they should not be co-dependent or conditional. I had to learn how to set boundaries including how I was treated. I'm finally learning to say no to people not treating me well if that is happening. Some friendships I've let go of and others have modified to work better. But what I have learned through everything is the only thing I can ever change is myself and so that is what I need to take responsibility for. It actually makes life so much easier.

I hope that helps a bit and you can find a way to feel better soon. We are here for you and hearing you so you are not alone.

Take care,

Eagle Ray

[Angelic_raiin]

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply! I actually didn't expect anyone to haha. I guess I'm just one of those people that others don't think about how they say things and their tone. 

[Angelic_raiin]

Cats definitely count! Animals are so much better than people!

[Katso]

Omg that is like I wrote it- I know exactly how you feel and I’m so tired from it xx