Feeling overwhelmed & lost within my current worklace

[Smiley1982]

I’ve been working with current family owned business for 17 years. I am valued and appreciated by management, with pay increases, listening to my thoughts and ideas, even allowing me to have a work laptop to work from home.

But other work colleagues in my office, who some have been there longer than me, all class me as a fave and give me the impression they don’t like me (I struggle with people not liking me). One colleague who worked in a different area and was friends with me before has now unfriended me on Facebook and certainly makes it known she does not like me. Everyone else in the office, in which I am Facebook friends would extract info out about her from me and told me not to worry, as she is a horrible person. But I’ve found out this past month that they are all friends outside of work and have told her what I said. But they are denying they have and are still telling me what a horrible person she is, trying to keep the peace with me

It’s also been said by office colleagues that our office is toxic and I’m the root cause of it all.

My work colleagues are pretty stressed out and frustrated and take their frustrations out on bagging people out. But they are nice to their faces. I call this being 2 faced. I can’t do two faced. I can’t deal with being the one that is toxic, as maybe I am. I can’t bag people out, it’s not my nature.

I know right now I’m not coping. My brain feels like it’s in a brain fog at all times. I’m worried about finding another job, as no. 1 it could end up being the same environment somewhere else. Plus if I really am the bully and am the toxic one, it’s only going to be the same at the next place.

I have lost all trust in my work colleagues and want to unfriend the ones I have still, but feel this could go against me and become nasty. But I now hate Facebook, which I want to keep for parkrun and a couple of people I keep in touch with. I have gone to the extent of hiding everything on my wall, profile pic is Facebook blank user and backdrop grey. I have changed my name to unknown.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Sophie_M]

Dear Smiley1982,
 
Firstly, welcome back to the forums we hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members to help you with your current situation.
 
We can hear from your post that this is a very stressful situation, and it appears to have been going on for an extended period. Have you had the opportunity to discuss the situation and how it makes you feel with your boss or HR department? Some workplaces even offer external counselling services that are linked in with the company to discuss and help resolve workplace issues. Does your workplace have this option?
 
We understand the anxiety about having to look for a new job if there is no improvement and the concern that a new workplace may have similar issues. Due to this worry, we encourage you to attempt every avenue to resolve the issue at work if you can, before deciding to seek out new employment for these reasons.  
 
Please remember if you need more immediate contact or just want to have a chat, you can use our Beyond Blue support service 24/7, either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
We hope that you find the support and direction that you are seeking on the forums.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have a few comments on your situation.

I'm retired but when I worked I had around 80 jobs and 15 professions in all sorts of workplaces, office, in business, security and armed forces etc. After 41 years working I ended up with 2 friends and they are interstate now and on Facebook but not very active.

My point is that while having workmates on Facebook and being a family business might sound ideal, I can see how it can easily go "off the rails" and become toxic. After that happens it rarely fixes itself.

I went off Facebook 6 years ago for a 5 month period. A time to reflect the bullying in a motorcycle forum and reassess. I found that my Facebook friends wouldnt ring or text me about anything as if the friendships ended. Initially I felt that the friendships were shallow but I was wrong, its that friendships rely on the Facebook media as a way how things work nowadays.

The problem isnt Facebook, its the person using it. So when I returned to facebook I researched how to use it better.

• block bullies
• unfriend those that dont comment or are manipulators
• take a break or stop notifications from those that you arent close to.
• If someone you defriend asks you why you did so, tell them "thats how I run my Facebook". After all it's YOUR Facebook
• Create a life of friends outside your workplace.
• Remain cordial but limit social chat in the workplace
• Accept that the chat behind your back is common and will always happen

I wrote an article about some of these issues.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival-part-3-(workplace)

Part 1 and 2 is also interesting.

I would not discount changing companies. Try not to be self critical, every workplace is different.

TonyWK