Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

[geelt]

Lots of things are happening at once and I just need an outlet to vent my emotions.

My head is full of useless unnecessary thoughts and worries that I keep making up for myself.

I can start a new activity or hobby only for me to hyper-fixate and get myself burnt out and wasting a lot of time and money that I really shouldn't be spending. I overthink things and that affects my enjoyment of the activities I do. Thinking and worrying about buying things to do or thinking about doing things but when I get to doing things I start loathing it. I have no impulse control and stress over money when its just a dollar wasting so much brain power over nothing. No discipline.

Currently on Job Seeker applying for work with low qualification/ no education needed. I decided that I'm not going to try going back to University because it doesn't feel worthwhile, but also realized how limiting employment opportunities are. Having to rely on public transport with transit taking 1-2 hours at worst to the closest available work. I've recently begun volunteering at a 2nd hand shop as well just to get out the house and interact with people. I worry about having no time to do things I enjoy if I start doing paid work which is contrasted by not enjoying the things I do for enjoyment or overthinking and stressing over small details.

I haven't driven in a year and only have my Ls. Stressing and loathing about it wont help and it feels exhausting trying to ask help from my parents. Paranoid about crashing the car and I've been overthinking when going for walks near/crossing the road when the cars are nowhere near me but the hesitation makes worry and is affecting my alertness. I've even begun worrying when going up escalators even though the fear is unreasonable. A lot of hesitation and a lack of confidence with everything I do.

The support groups I've been going to so I can take my mind off things have had their funding cut so they've been changed to fortnightly and the counselor I've been going to won't be able to see me for a couple months.

I don't know what I want to do long term so I'm trying to change my mindset. Its fine to not make a lot of money, its fine to keep living at home with my parents, its fine not to accomplish anything grand and have a simple life. I have lots of ideas and thoughts of things to do but never follow through and just wallow in self pity and feeling restricted and limited in what I can do having to compromise I dont know

[Croix]

Dear Geelt~

Have you considered you have been influenced by your parents into being too demanding on yourself. They obviosly are thinking big plans, and they are not for everyone - or at least in the form they think about.

When you reflect that they are not for you then you see yourself as failing, a frame of mind that feeds on itself and spreads. I should know becuse that is how I felt.

Maybe there are two things you might like to consider. The first is you finished your medication some time ago now and its lingering effects will probably be minimal leaving you unprotected. Do you think you could talk with your doctor to see if a resumption would help?

The second thing might be to get away from big thoughts and accomplishments - they simply set you up for failure and all the dissatisfaction and self-blame it leads to

Can you set yourself some realistic matters you can accomplish, and gain the benefits of success. I started by slowly reading, sped up and went on to other things. would you consider casting round for something at the same doable level?

Croix.

[geelt]

Hi Croix,

I guess I'm being influenced by everything around me when it comes to figuring out what to do. Its hard not to feel like I'm failing when I'm rejecting all the options I am given. I understand that

I know I need to take a step back. Overthinking things too far ahead and coming up with the worst scenarios.

Pressure from job provider to find a job quickly.

I dont want to take medication then I will have to either lie to my dad unconvincingly or have to listen to him talk about how bad medication is. I dont want to talk with my parents because they cant properly communicate in english and i cant speak theri native language and if i try saying a basic sentence they praise me like a baby and it drives me crazy. I cant stop them from treating me like a baby they dont care. its my fault for not being able to speak 50 languages and make a billion million dollars. I stopped asking my dad to drive with me because he always brings up how he would be a millionaire if it wasn't for my mother. I would politely tell him to shut up but then he will have a meltdown and everyone at home will be miserable for however long it takes for him to calm down.

I don't know where to start.

Trying to make my bedroom a sleeping place, a work place, a storage place, a productivity place, a relaxation place an anything place isn't working for me.

I want to write a proper response but I'm too frustrated to think properly. I'm never going to find a job I want because I don't want to work a job just for money and me miserable and its my fault I feel miserable doing things I dont like because Im not smart enough to find something I want to do living at home slowing being driven crazy by family. never going to move out of home and get away from parents because im stupid and cant think properly cant ask for help because im going to ask for help for every little thing and not be given the answer that helps.

Keep being told i should be proud of volunteering but im not and its not getting me anywhere. just falling into the same old habits not talking to anyone fumbling conversations being a social wreck overthinking how everyone feels about me. Its frustrating. Theres no order or structure to sorting things and the manager is as clueless as i am as to where to put things. I dont have any idea how to structure things i dont want to keep tripping over bags and boxes. i hate . I dont want to deal with people i want to just vanish and not have to deal with awkwardness and. Two months of nothing because im not being proactive im a bad communicator im an idiot waste of time space reasources i dont know what im doing

How am I supposed to find long term employment when I'm getting flustered and struggling to do nothing. how am i going to acomplish even the simplest tasks if i cant focus on anything.

[Croix]

Dear Geelt~

You sound much as I have in the past. Depression and anxiety made everything into a problem, and while there were problems they were actually simpler than my illness made me think. They all piled up, I could not cope and things spiraled down.

Can I suggest you start getting towards a place where you can cope by gong back to you doctor and seeing what medication (and maybe therapy) can do for you?

Trying to deal with all the things you have mentioed all at the same time is not realistic, you need to be in a better frame of mind, something that came to me after treatment, and allowed me to deal wiht each thing in turn.

OK you will have problem with your dad and his prejudice about medications. Hopefully the benefits of proper treatment will gradually appear and that problem - however you handle it - will seem worth while.

It may be that seeing your doctor may have an additional benefit, and judge you temporarily unfit to chase jobs -you never know.

As for being proud of voluntary work, OK no need to feel proud, simply regard it as a stepping stone to benefit you when other opportunities come along

I would like to know how you get on

Croix

[geelt]

Hi Croix,

Sorry for the late reply.

I am struggling to cope with things lately. I have been feeling a deep sense of sickness and dread in my stomach from worrying a lot.

I went to see my GP but talking to them hasn't felt too helpful. I am difficult to work with because I don't know what I want. I need to find a different GP because my current one is the university GP and I no longer am enrolled in the University.

I dont know how to get into a better frame of mind a better mindset to do things. If i get a job im just going to keep feeling mentally spiralling
Discipline routine timetable discipline reaching goals schedules habits
Time to do things time to make time time i waste time taking time to do things to time
i dont like leaving things unfinished but theres not enough time to do things while also doing other things and stopping and starting makes no progroess
i dont want to spend 20 hours a day in my room but theres nowhere else i can go to do things comfortably i dont like all the clutter but im going to spend so much time looking for things if i just dump everything away. its so frustrating when theres only a meter do do all the sorting in and going back and forth and back and forth
i dont know where i belong.

i dont see myself making enough to move out of home i dont know what about money wasting money on things do i need to see the dentist twice a year do i need insurance i dont know if it keeps up how it is im going to be nothing and the job agency will get mad because im not finding enough jobs when i tell them i cannot find any jobs within reasonable range and my dad wants me to go overseas with him to start a buisness in a place where i dont know the language and where he hasnt set foot in for 50 years

I'm stressed about finding work and thinking about work. I can't find any local work. I don't work well under pressure or in fast paced environments, so fast food work doesn't seem like a good match for me but I don't have many options. Do I just suck it up and stop being a baby and grow up. I don't think I will do well but its not like I really have any options.

I would be okay with working late shifts if my parents wouldn't worry about anyone staying out late.
I can't communicate with my parents or I don't want to talk to them. Listening to them stresses me out.

I keep thinking about doing a 'creative' career but I dont know if I want to. I dont know. Im not going to be happy with anything I choose.

Been very irritable and on edge lately and my mood has been rock bottom. Just unhappy with how things are for me. I am grateful for my parents putting up with me and I know I'm lucky to have a roof over my head and food and water to drink. I feel like I don't have any control over what I can do.

I don't want to be the middleman for my parents to talk to my siblings because my parents are scared of getting yelled at by them. I don't want to argue and stand up for myself because it just creates more problems for everyone.

Thinking to much about hobbies then getting fatigued i dont want to do anything

[Croix]

Dear Geelt~

It's good to hear from you again.

Having to change doctors may not be such a bad thing if the previous one did not seem to be helping a lot.

I would not agree you don't know what you want. You have listed the things that are wrong and that is a good starting point. For instance you do not want a feeling a deep sense of sickness and dread in your stomach from worrying a lot.

You do not want to have your parents place unrealistic demands upon you and I suspect you do want to get out of your room to a job you enjoy.

While they may not all come right strait away the start - at least for me - was to be able to cope better and not have quite the extreme effects of anxiety. I'm not diagnosing you, just saying some things sound similar. and what worked for me might help you.

I could not improve myself,  so matters kept getting worse, and it was only after I found medical assistance  with therapy and medication I improved.

I had thought my life was full of matters that could not be fixed, or at least had no idea how to fix them however over time as I became better at coping they did sort out.

If you find trying to explain everything to a new doctor is all too hard I'd suggest doing what I've done at times and take a couple of days to write down in point form how you are feeling and what is wrong in your life, then just had the paper over in an extended consultation. That way you won't leave anything important out, and just have to answer questions on what you wrote - an easier road than  trying to explain face to face cold.

Do you think you could give this a try?

Croix

[geelt]

It's been a couple months since I last posted on the forums. Im not doing well mentally i havent changed.

My Dad took all his savings and went to his home country at the new year and is crying on facebook everyday and its annoying everybody. He doesnt like it there and wants to come home.

I've started a traineeship for retail work and have been going for almost a month. I can tolerate it. 40 minute walk to get there. My shoulders are sore from carrying my backpack. The good thing is its a paid traineeship but the pay isnt the best. The work is mundane, feels pointless at times and often times theres nothing to do. I had a brief problem with a difficult coworker but theyre no longer part of the program and I feel relieved. I'm wishing the best for them, they had a lot of issues and I hope they find peace. Dealing with the coworker was frustrating and its my fault for trying to correct their misunderstandings or humoring them when they werent making sense, instead of ignoring them. 

I don't like dealing with people. I dont like communicating with people. Its hard to be clear and precise without being blunt and sounding cold or bossy. 

Its fine im making mistakes here and there but im getting corrected and told the right way to do things, even if im getting told the right way several weeks after doing it wrong and I need to explain my misunderstanding over and over again to coworkers that thougut it was the right way because I was doing it all the time.

I wouldn't want to work in retail long term. 

Im trying my best to help out when I can trying to explain things to my coworker that cant speak english very well but its exhausting. I cant stand then standing still looking lost because theres nothing to do and they dont know what to do and i cant explain things well enough for them to understand. It isnt my job or responsibility to help them out and i feel that im doing more harm tham good by doing a poor job of explaining things. I keep thinking how my parents probably had the same issues adjusting to their new life when they moved to Australia and I should at least try to help when I can. I dont want to deal with people. Im not reliable im not good at explaining or dealing with people.

I dont want to work retail long term I dont want to deal with people. I dont wwnt to talk to people i want to crawl into a hole and disappear. 

I dont want to live at home I dont want to deal with my mum. I cant deal with people with no common sense. I canr deal with people who dont mind there buisness. I cant communicate with my mum. The coworker i didnt like was just like my mum.

I want to do everything on my own. Its so much worse having other people involved with things you do. You have to explain things so many times and they dont get it it makes it impossible to plan and do things for yourself because you have to help with other peoples things too. I want to prepare my own meals but its impossible because i have to deal with other people. Things are more unbearable at home now that im working i cant deal with everyones garbage i hate this household but nothings going to change. I dont have the energy to do anything. 

I dont know what im doing with my life im never going to be happy. So much garbage in life nothing enjoyable.

[geelt]

Today we did some career planning as part of the certificate and I kept breaking down and crying during so. I hated how flowery and positive it was at times. I dont know what i want long term i.

[geelt]

I feel so bad and stupid. I dont want to work in retail lomg term. I dont want to work but i dont want to do nothing like a parasite. This is like the 5th time ive done career planning stuff and it doesnt help me personally.

[Croix]

Dear Geelt~

You are certainly having  a hard time. Career planning is all very well, but apart from painting an overly optimistic picture does tend to simply get it wrong. I was advised to be a mechanic  -it never happened. As far as I can see career comes about partly by what you want, but also due ot luck and opportunity. I ended up teaching but would never have thought of doing that, it was just an opportunity came up while I was stuck.

Your dad sounds like so many who have a rosy picture of their origin, and when they go back find it is all changed and not a pleasure at all.

It's a pity you are not close ot your mum, could you say what it is about her you find hard?

Really speaking any traineeship is good. It may not be in your choice of subject, but allows you to apply for jobs in other areas with a proven ability to stick though things.

I'm glad that troublesome person left.

Croix

[geelt]

Hello Croix,

Opportunity and I feel that I'm letting them pass by or just not jumping onto them because of fear or other factors. I dont trust myself to make good choices. 

I feel that my Dad was going through a mid-life crisis or something similar. There is a lot for him to be unhappy about or wanting more for in life. He did his best coming from a refugee background, but now he is feeling that he needs to do more and that gets overbearing for the family. He has been out of stable employment for the pst decade or so and his kids (me and my siblings) dont like talking to him and always have cold reactions to him. They call him crazy because he wants to be loved but doesnt know how to do so and ends up babying them. I tried my best to be kind but that just makes me the one he complains about everything to. Our whole family is distant, there isnt much for us to talk about and we dont really want to/feel comfortable or feel that its worth talking to eachother about things. My Dad went to his home country in an effort to make money, but he doesnt like it and feels like his father has caged and confined him. In his words he said "I don't even know what the currency looks like". He took the families life savings in order to help my rich grandfather buy property and I hope nothing bad happens. 

What I find difficult about my Mum is the language barrier and she doesnt realy have common sense and shes always worrying. Its difficult to communicate with her sometimes and tiring and gives me a headache. Shes always worrying about everyone and has to know about everything thats happening or she will constantly ask, but if she knows something it makes it hard to do anything. I havent told her about the traineeship because I only just started so I dont want to tell her in case something happens and I stop going or feel that it isnt for me and drop out. She doesnt say sorry because she is sorry and will stop but because saying sorry grants her immunity to any frustration and annoyance. Thats led to lots of problems in the house. I cant cook my own dinner because shes always in the kitchen. Even if I wait or want to eat later and will cook for myself she will be there waiting and its very anxiety inducing. I dont like her staring at me whenever I do something. If I say i will cook my own dinner she will stay and say she will do the dishes, if I say I will do the dishes too she will just start doing the dishes while im trying to cook. Its not her fault that she has nothing to do in life, she has her own mental barriers and problems built up over the years. Shes tried her best as a mother but now that everyones become more independant, she doesnt know what to do so she doubles down on what she can do and that just leads to complications. She doesnt have anything to do outside of household chores and spends the rest of her day on facebook and that isnt good for her.