Feeling Low, Unsure where to from here

[Belly]

Hi, I'm new to beyond blue forums. I have suffered with depression and anxiety on and off most of my life. Currently things have gotten a lot worse as we are in the worst financial position and I don't know how to go on. My husband and I own our own business and it is sinking fast. We have so much debt owing on the business, numerous unpaid bills and owe all of our family members money including a couple of our kids. I guess I'm just venting I don't think there is an answer but as I sit here in bed crying unable to sleep yet again as I can't stop thinking of where the money to survive another day is going to come from. Then in a few hours I have to get up to go to work and start the day all over again. Tonight I did some more research and have found a place that may be able to help with the debt possibly. But I feel so bad at my failure I never thought I would be in such a bad situation and feel so low all of the time. I'm on the strongest possible anti depressant and anxiety tablets but I don't feel they help anymore. But I'm to scared to stop them cause goodness knows what that would look like. I have spoken to my GP and he has put me on a health plan to see a psychologist. However one I need money for that and we can't afford for me to go and two I have tried counselling before and it has never helped me.  So instead here I am hoping talking to others who know what I am going through may help. 

[indigo22]

Hi Belly,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

Financial pressure is the pits, it seems never ending and I am sorry to hear you are going through such a challenging time with it. I think many are in the same leaky boat in the current climate, expenses keep rising but the income doesn't keep up with it, so many are sinking.

I can offer a few suggestions but you may have already looked into them:

Contacting a Financial Counsellor (which is a free service).

Perhaps one person running the business and the other working in an external role to bring in finance.

Filing for Bankruptcy (only as a last resort, but is an option).

Taking stock of assets and selling what is not essential for survival.

I am still paying off a debt and have been for the past 12+ years, for me it was credit card debt that I was no longer able to manage because I had become a carer for my mother. My income dropped to around one quarter or less than what I was earning when working. Sometimes life throws a spanner in the works that we hadn't expected.

From a spiritual perspective (not talking about religion here), the more you focus on lack and what you don't want, the more of it you will attract. Conversely, the more you focus on gratitude and abundance in all areas of your life, as if it is already here, the more of it you will attract. You may or may not believe in this way of thinking, but what you are currently doing is not working for you, what have you got to lose by trying a something different?

Please feel free to continue this conversation, you don't need to feel alone, we will be here to support you.

Take good care of yourself in the meantime,

indigo

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

I’m so sorry you’re going through such a painful and overwhelming time. Financial stress can feel absolutely crushing, especially when it affects your family and your sense of self-worth. It might feel like you’re at the bottom, but I also want you to know that reaching out is a really powerful first step and it shows that you haven’t given up.

You mentioned doing some research tonight — that’s a brave and important step. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to contact the National Debt Helpline (1800 007 007). They offer free, confidential financial counselling and may be able to help you find a way forward.

Please keep talking... here or wherever feels safe. You deserve support, and your pain matters.

Listening ...

[Belly]

Thank you for your responses. Unfortunately after speaking to someone today he has recommended bankruptcy to be the only real option. The issue with that is I then can't pay back our family as once they liquidate what we have that money will go to the loans etc and they will all miss out. My husband has got another job which will help a little once he starts. Which is great but then puts the whole shop issue in my hands not having help and having to do more hours etc. I don't know I just feel like I'm drowning and on my own. Sometimes I just feel it's so hard and wonder why me. I just wish for once something would go my way and work out as a positive. But I shall keep going and see what I can come up with. Hoping something happens to change our situation. Thanks again for listening I don't have anyone I can talk to so this helps. 

[indigo22]

Hang in there Belly,

You sound like a very resourceful person so there may be another option that you haven't discovered yet. I know it feels like you have the world on your shoulders at the moment and it's weighing you down to the extreme, but you will get through this whichever way it goes and you will be a stronger person at the end of it.

I know they just sound like words to you right now, but these words come with experience of being at rock bottom and finding a way out of the black hole.

We are here for you so talk to us whenever you wish,

indigo

[Belly]

It's just getting to much for me. I have been in tears all day and still am. I just keep praying there is break coming for me because I don't know how much more I can take. I feel I have ruined my kids and parents lives because I owe them so much money and they can't go forward until I pay them back but I don't know how I am going to pay them back. My account is once again overdrawn so it may be out of my hands soon which is even scarier because my family won't get any of the money back. I have solicitor letters from people I owe money to and then I have to pay their solicitor for sending me the letter. I can't answer my phone because everyone wants money from me. I just wish we could go back in time and never have bought the shop. We lost our house and pretty much everything over the past 9 years. I will keep on trying until the end but I don't know how long it will be before I just give up. Thanks for listening.

[indigo22]

Hi Belly,

You will just make yourself sick with all the worrying, at this point you don't know how things will turn out.

I know you feel badly that you are unable to pay your family at the moment, but I also think that they would have taken the risks into consideration when they loaned the money in the first place. Even if there is not enough to pay them back anything for a while, can I suggest that you think about going out to work when this is all settled and putting a percentage of your income into an interest bearing account each week. Let it build up and earn some interest so that you can begin to pay them back after a few months. It may take a while, but I am sure they are not insensitive to what you are going through right now and will understand that you will do your best.

I am sorry you have lost so much over the years, but those are material things, you still have yourselves and can turn things around so please don't let yourself linger in the regret of trying. If you had never tried, you would be wondering if that was a mistake now. Try to focus on ways to use your experience to propel you forward, many times a door closes because there is something better on the horizon and we never know what out future holds.

I hope you are getting some sleep, it is much more difficult to think clearly without sleep so please be kind to yourself. Keep us updated on how things are going Belly,

indigo 🌹