feeling lost

[queenbella]

hey guys

first time poster, basically ive been dealing with pretty bad depression the past few months, over the years ive dealt with depressive episodes but they have only lasted a few weeks at most, initially i thought this was the same and thought it would pass, however im so out of my depth

ive spoke to my psychologist who is trying to help, he sent a letter to my GP and a referral to the mental health team at my local hosipital, i was basically told by both that my life isnt that bad so they werent going to do anything with my medication, and try not to talk to my boyfriend about this because it makes me a burden.

ive been trying absolute everything to try to help, nothing seems to work more than 10 mins or so, ive tried going to the emergency room in the past, however absolutely nothing was done because my suicide attempt wasnt "severe enough" to cause concern.

i feel completely alone and no body seems to give a damn, im in the country which makes it harder.

[Waffle-]

Hi Queenbella,

It sounds like you've been seriously mistreated... "Life isnt that bad" is a shocking thing to say to someone struggling with their mental health. Same with telling you to keep it to yourself so you're not a "burden".

I'm not a medical professional, but I think you were given really bad advice. If you're struggling with depression, you deserve the opportunity to get professional help. If you see someone who is dismissive of your concerns, please take care of yourself and find someone better. 

It might be harder in the country, but I'd encourage you to explore your options and keep trying until you get the help that you need. Try not to be discouraged by the unpleasant experiences you've been through... No one deserves to go through that and I'm sorry that it happened to you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi queenbella,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here tonight. 

Connecting with others who understand how it feels to go through similar struggles is definitely important and we hope that you'll find some of that here.

It sounds as though you've really been having a tough time of it and not feeling as though your emotional wellbeing and/or your mental state is being taken seriously enough. It really doesn't sound like you've been getting the validation, support, understanding and/or treatment that you're searching for and need.

queenbella, please don't hesistate to continue to search for new supports - it's so important that you get the care that you need.

If you need some referral suggestions, or even some validation, non-judgemental connection and/or some brief counselling support, please don't hestitate to call us on 1300 22 4636 anytime (24/7). If you prefer texting to talking, you can contact us via our online chat here instead.

We're here for you and we will take your feelings and emotional state seriously. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi queenbella,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im so sorry you are feeling this way and I’m also sorry you where treated this way.

The way you have been treated is unacceptable.

I understand that depression can be hard to deal with.

I understand you live in the country but I believe that any health professional shouldn’t hold those perceptions even though they practice in the country.

Is there a different health professional you can talk to in your area? 

Has your psychologist been able to give you any helpful strategies?

We are a very kind non judgmental community and we are here to support you.

We are listening.

[geoff]

Hello queenbella, the way you have been treated is unacceptable, because under no circumstances can we judge depression as being stable, it's not, and it can change suddenly depending on the situation you're facing.

When you go to hospital there could be a chance that you feel better, but that's only because you are pretending, however, deep down you may be awful, so the staff can't see this except to say that you aren't too bad and don't need to be admitted.

Any attempt on your life is always a serious matter and who's to judge what is and what isn't, so your admission into hospital should have been done.

I know changing doctors may seem to be easy, but it's not, because you have to start from the beginning once again, but at times this may be essential.

Your comment is very important to us and everyone on the forums certainly does care about the well-being of others.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[therising]

Hi queenbella

My heart goes out to you as you face not only the horrible torturous nature of depression but as you also face a number of highly triggering people who appear to be disappointing themself from their appointed roles, to save or change your life. People can be so disappointing and so depressing. I'm so glad you came here.

As a gal who's prone to feeling the depressing nature of serious challenges in life and the depressing nature of the kind of dialogue that comes with them, a few obvious factors can involve

• Facing a life changing challenge while having no inspiration from people around you who can trigger some much needed revelations to make it through more easily
• Facing some seriously depressing belief systems that really need to be let go of. Eg: 'My parents told me I was born stupid and that's the reason I didn't get the job...I'm simply stupid. They're right. I'm stupid'
• Feeling the depressing nature of a challenge but not knowing what the challenge is. So, you're left feeling while not knowing why you feel the way you do

Then there can be factors that lead you to feel depressed while there appears to be no logical reason. Throw a few ideas out there so you know where I'm coming from. 3 times I've become deeply depressed in life for no obvious reason

• Through sleep apnea. Was treated for it and came good
• Through a severe B12 deficiency. Was treated for it and came good
• Going back on the pill after having an IUD removed. Came off the pill and came good

Wondering if your GPs run any tests for depressing conditions (eg. sleep study, bloodwork etc).

I've come to realise and I hope this helps...you can have a basic level of challenge, internal dialogue, lack of inspiration, lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of sleep or chemical imbalance (as some examples), a serious level, a concerning level and a deeply depressing level. Not hard to pick when we've hit deeply depressing levels of something, whatever the heck that something actually is. Sounds like this might be a job for the detective in you. The detective in us typically comes to life through pure wonder and a demand for answers.

[Amanda2000]

Hi queenbella,

I know. Managing depression is soooooo exhausting. I've found it difficult to even take the first step in talking to a GP because they all seem so insensitive. Maybe the GP's themselves are suffering from depression?!

Here's a small self-help strategy that I've found very helpful in getting through everyday.

I've recently noticed the pattern of my depression at various times of the day - worst in the morning and struggling to get out of bed, but then improves as the day progresses, low again in the evening when I need to attend to household-chores. What I've started practising is looking past the unpleasant moment and focusing on the next good moment. For example, if I get out of bed, I get to eat my favourite breakfast-cereal. Basically try to focus on the next small thing that I can look forward to. The same can be applied to absolutely anything that you dread having to do.