Feeling lost, scared and exhausted

R-claire · ‎12-10-2020

For the first time in my life I am suffering depression after a few events in my life completely turned and I have been faced with a lot of self reflection and judgement. I am in Melbourne and lockdown has been tough on everyone- I have not worked in months and each day find myself struggling to even get out of bed or wash my hair. Every day feels the same and it is draining. Just before the second wave, my partner and I (who were in a long distance relationship) decided we would live in the same city. I gained employment and was all ready to move. Then the second wave hit and my partner 'changed his mind' and decided to leave me. This shattered me as I did not understand what was happening. Each day I found myself crying more and more and couldn't see the light. He continued to contact me and tell me everything I wanted to hear except to not be together because I was too 'forceful.' Grieving the loss of my bestfriend and being essentially unemployed left a giant hole in my heart. Not being able to see your loved ones, friends, anything that a normal life would help was unavailable. Over the past month I have been falling deeper and deeper and have found no joy or happiness in any day. I am usually a very outgoing, confident, motivated person, and now my own family don't recognise me. Now I am torn or if I should spend a lot of money and move to get the support of my family in the gold coast or to be tough and do the responsible thing and wait here and see what happens. Either way I cannot live like this. I am scared everyday and feel like I am in a downward spiral. I do not know how to cope anymore, who to reach out too and what to even think. Even waking up is hard these days.
Feeling lost within myself and scared of anything and everything. I feel numb, alone and empty.

Any coping strategies to help.

Sophie_M · ‎12-10-2020

Hi R-claire,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we're so glad you decided to join us here. We're so sorry to hear how much you're struggling at the moment. We empathise with how difficult it is to be away from our friends and family while you're going through a breakup and unemployed. It sounds like you've been going through a lot, all at once. Please know that our community is here to support you and we will get through this.

Can we ask if you are accessing mental health support? We'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. This is inclusive of a 24/7 counselling service, and our friendly counsellors can offer you some support and advice around accessing ongoing mental health support.
You also might be interested in our page “Coping with a relationship breakdown” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing/coping-with-a-relationship-breakdown

Many of our members have felt similar and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this tough period.

RubyAmeliaaa · ‎12-10-2020

Hey R-claire, I recently got diagnosed with depression but it has never really been this bad until now. I also have to deal with the annoying Melbourne lockdowns It has been taking a real toll on me and definitely making me feel more and more depressed. I can't imagine losing a best friend and I send all my condolences to you and splitting with your partner would also be such a hard thing. My only tip is that being alone all the time is really not good I know people probably tell you this all the time and being in harsh lockdown makes seeing people so hard but if there is anyone at all that you know can support you even calling them can make the worlds difference. I am very lucky to have a supporting family and trust me without them I know I doubt I would still be here. Please stay strong I know how hard it is I know the sadness and emptiness you must feel but please let's hope together that this lockdown is over soon and you can see your family but even if you can't wait to see them don't feel bad.

R

Bananie1234 · ‎12-10-2020

Hi R-Claire

You’re certainly not alone. I know your pain and I’m so sorry to hear that he left you.

I’m based on the gold coast but my closest friends and my family are overseas (im from NZ) my parents arent of NZ background and spend half a year in their home country and now they’re stuck there.
I also am in a LDR, except mine is an Australian expat overseas not australia. So even though QLD seems to be “normal” the border closures are hitting hard on me to a point I’m now constantly afraid he’d end it With me (i overthink and can get irrational when I’m stressed )

In the end it’s your decision what you want to do. I understand the struggle, whether to stay put or just spend the money and move. I ask myself that question too. But i think in the end, it’s your mental wellbeing that should come first. If you have the money and you’re not financially struggling, do it if that’s what makes you happy. I know it’s your hard earned money but sometimes it’s necessary. I’m also telling myself if by a certain date, if we’re still in the same situation, i may actually just drop everything and temporarily move overseas to be with my family for a while.

Please continue to stay strong.

*hugs*

R-claire · ‎14-10-2020

Thank you so much for the response.
LDR are so hard and unfortunately mine broke down and now I'm in this deep dark hole that I cannot get out of. Gold Coast seems good and well but I am afraid of the money and not knowing anyone. I have only ever visited there not lived. But I have heard such great things. Any advice would be amazing.

Thank you so much- I hope you are coping alright as well I know how emotionally exhausting it is to miss someone

R-claire · ‎14-10-2020

Thank you so much for reaching out. These responses mean a lot.

I am so sorry you are struggling with lockdown also- it is so tough and we have all reached our breaking point. Finding the strength to stay strong has passed now and I dont have it in me anymore. I feel as though this will never end and I have hit rock bottom.

I hope you stay strong- all in this together.