Hi Lost, welcome to the forum. You're going through a tough time. It's frightening and confusing eh.
Y'know, it takes a lot of strength and courage to open up about how you're feeling, especially if you are someone who usually hides emotion. So well done.
I'm wondering why you feel you do need to hide your feelings? Be seen as unemotional. Cause I can see you're not without feeling and emotion. I suspect there's a great well of feelings inside you, maybe without an outlet? I don't think unemotional equals strong. I wonder if it equals fear, or a kind of self-protection? Fear of being hurt, of being seen as weak? Fear of expressing love in case it's not returned?
It's a risky business this loving people. Maybe you don't feel worthy of their love in return, and the 'cold front' is an expression of that, or a protective barrier? I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. I just know that to me it takes a much stronger person to show emotion than to hide it. I also know that if appearing unemotional is the habit of a lifetime, it's a big scary thing to contemplate changing. But it is possible. No-one's going to think worse of you if you show your feelings. Maybe gradually, starting with the one who's easiest to talk to.
Don't walk away from your family Lost. You will hurt them and you will hurt yourself. As for starting over, you can do that without leaving. But if you leave, your fears, your emotions, all your problems will only go with you.
Maybe talk to a counsellor eh? Don't let this ruin your world.
Kaz
