Hi Stephen12
I think one of the hardest things to manage in depression is finding everything that doesn't work in making a difference. Whether it's weeks, months or even years of finding everything that doesn't work, it basically feels like some depressing form of torture, making things even worse. I also found it can create a kind of illusion that can lead to the question 'Am I so 'broken' to the point where nothing will ever work for me?'.
Took me 15 or so years to finally find what worked in taking me out of long term depression. With all the periods in depression that have happened since, over the last 18 years, I managed to find what worked for each one. In some cases it took weeks and in others it took months. In every case, I found a lot of what doesn't work along the way. It feels like a cruel way to learn as you go. Amongst all that, I also managed to find some depressing threads that weaved their way throughout most of my life, with low self esteem being one of them.
What definitely 100% doesn't work is being surrounded by people who don't make a difference and/or make things even more depressing. Comments like 'You just need to try harder', 'You'd be happier if you just smiled more often', 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', 'Why do you have to be so difficult?' are just a handful of the many depressing comments we can hear from people. It's all questionable of course. 'How do I try harder when I don't have the energy for that or the insight when it comes to why the energy's not there?', 'How do I smile more often when there is nothing that leads me to smile?', 'How can the fact that I can sense something's depressing me be a/my fault?' and 'Do you not understand how difficult it is to live like this?'. Btw, questioning people doesn't win you any popularity contests, that's for sure.
What I have found that makes a difference is wonderful people who can't help but wonder why I'm struggling at times. People who'll sit and wonder with me, all the way through to finding possibilities and answers in regard to the struggle/s I face. These are the kinds of people who wonder 'Could part of the struggle involve some deficiency? Perhaps you should get tests done'. They might lead me to wonder who in my life is bringing me down and whether there's actually anyone raising/inspiring me in any way. They could lead me to wonder about the kinds of goals or visions I need most in my life that I can work towards meeting with, even if they're simple achievable goals and visions to begin with. Wonderful people hold the potential to create direction, insight and vision. I finally came to realise only in the last year or so that if I don't have wonderful people around me I'm basically being left to wonder alone with all the wrong questions, 'What's wrong with me? Why am I so broken? Will I never be happy? Why can't I be more easygoing?'. The wrong questions can definitely bring us down, whereas the right questions can raise us to become more conscious of who we naturally are and why we struggle so much at times. For example, if you're someone who naturally likes to analyse the hell out of life during a severe down period, it makes perfect sense. Why would anyone not question or analyse what feels like hell on earth sometimes (depression)? Heaven on earth is a far better feeling to be living with. 🙂
