Feeling disconnected and overwhelmed

[Keep_Smiling]

I'm a first time user/poster to BB. I've been recently diagnosed with MTHFR genetic abnormality which has explained a whole lot of my past/present emotional tendencies and the issues within my family (alcoholic parents). In the world of MTHFR it means I under methylate which can cause anxiety, depression etc. etc. I had my first bout of depression and anxiety after I ended a long term relationship in my early 20's, lost family and friends over that and it was very hard few years...but came out of that depression with some lingering anxiety and minor social phobia issues. I am an overachiever and so always striving for better so with this I have held very demanding professional positions and always pushing myself to get over my anxieties etc.

Since my MTHFR diagnosis earlier this year (found after I did not recover well from the stress of 3 surgeries in the past 2 years) it has been so hard and overwhelming with all of the trying to find the right practitioner who actually knows about molecular biochemical pathways and nutrigenomics, doing the research to understand it etc as it's a relatively new field. I am on multiple nutritional supplements and feel a bit overwhelmed with this as it's taking months to fine tune it and I just feel like it makes me concentrate on illness rather than wellness! Last few weeks have been really hard and I am starting to feel that real disconnect I felt when I was depressed...I don't feel like anyone really knows me (or cares). I have many friends and acquaintances but no-one I can really talk to about the "emotional" me and I don't feel like my Husband or Son even know me, I just can't talk to them in depth about how I feel. I try to be the strong one who holds it all together for everyone. I'm now looking at other people and berating myself with "why can't I be like that,  why can't I just get over these issues , why am I constrained by my anxieties...".

Why do I feel so disconnected from everyone and how do I get back on track?

[Neil_1]

Hi there Keep Smiling (great name, by the way 🙂

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

This illness that is MTHFR does not sound like a particularly nice thing at all – and am I correct in assuming that the 3 surgeries that you’ve had in the past 2 years were involved in trying to alter this condition??  Do you feel that you have all the necessary professional help happening for you with regard to this??   And I can understand (at least I think I can) about how this condition must really dominate your thought processes and then as a result of this, feeling like it would need some monumental effort to open up to others.

Just with regard to friends/acquaintances – often times, there are a number of them, who we feel are good people and that you share a pretty close(ish) relationship.  So from those, I’m just wondering whether you might be able to isolate just ONE of them.  One of them who you think that you could possibly confide in and talk to about all that you’re suffering from.  Having said that, you may not feel that you would like to do this – but I just thought I’d see, that IF you were really wishing for someone to unload too, that this suggestion might be ok for you?

You know those 3 questions you asked near the end of your post – that is not you asking those or actually it is not YOU who is making you feel this way.  It’s your mental illness that is imposing itself on you, so you CAN’T get over your issues and that it makes you ruled by your anxieties – Keep Smiling, there’s so many of us out there in that same boat – you are not on your own with these feelings.

Do you have ‘any’ professional (or even non-professional) outlets for venting, for unloading – I’m suspecting not, because of this post of yours.  Do you feel that your husband would or wouldn’t be supportive of you, if you opened up to him, exactly how you’re feeling?

One last thing, in regard to ‘non-professional’ supports – THIS PLACE is one of them.  Beyond Blue – you’ve reached out and have found this community and we will try and offer advice, guidance, but above all else, we listen (or read, as the case may be) and give 100% unconditional support.  So you’ve found us, so please unload away to us.

Kind regards

Neil

[Keep_Smiling]

Hi Neil

 Thank you so much for your reply and advice. It's great that there is BB and the wonderful people like yourself to reach out to!

My MTHFR diagnosis is a genetic issue and unrelated to the surgeries, but as you can see I've felt like I've taken a beating "health wise" in the last couple of years and the subsequent stress from that and other issues are all combining. I'm in my early 50's and being female I'm also facing menopause, empty-nesting and work issues (like most people these days) and I usually cope with increased stress but I just can't shake it off. I am very mindful of the suggestion to get professional help as I've not seen anyone since my early 20's and just to be able to vent would be a relief I think - I just find it so hard to admit that I need this help! 

I am a Health Professional and I should know better and be embracing counselling, but I have a real reluctance as I experienced great embarrassment and the stigma attached to mental health issues when in my 20's,  and even though I  know rationally that times and attitudes have changed.... but I just find it so hard.

I know I'm getting to a bad place because I'm tearing up just replying....very melancholy ATM.

Thanks so much

Keep Smiling

[Neil_1]

Dear Keep Smiling

You know your name reminds me a lovely poster we had on earlier this year for a long time - her name she went by was "Stress Less".  I think both these names are brilliant - considering the site that we're on.

Hey there, you know tears can be a good thing - too often, I think that a lot of us, either suppress our tears or we simply aren't able to cry.  And then for me, this bottles up inside and is then another mental torment - when you want to cry, but can't.  So if you can get some release by tears, then it can be a therapeutic thing - well, as long as you're not standing in checkout lane at Woolies or somewhere!  🙂  But then again, to hell with that - who cares.  🙂

I know that it IS hard to go and seek out professional help - when others say it, it sounds so simple - but when 'we' have to do it, it's a bloody lot harder than just doing what someone else says.  Otherwise, I don't think we'd be like the way we are!  (I hope that little bit made sense).

But you are definitely right - yes, things have changed massively, let's face it, even in the last 5 years and with each year that progresses forward, the change continues to happen.  Still a ways to go yet, but it's on the improve.  So for yourself back when you were 20, please please, see if you're able to bury that experience - and try to reach out for some professional help.

If you're still uncertain about that just yet - then please K.S. keep on posting here and writing out whatever you feel you'd like to unload.  We're here and we want to try to assist in whatever way we can.

It's interesting how you mentioned before about MTHFR being a genetic thing.  I was only talking to my brother last evening about illnesses and the like being like a genetic thing - actually he bought it up;  as I guess we've got some concerns for us as we get older.  Our Dad passed away with leukemia;  both our Dad's brothers died of cancer, and at the moment, our Mum is really really sick with cancer.

I told him that I was ok to receive the gene from Dad of a receding hair-line, but I'm not at all interested in picking up any other kind of 'illness'.

Anyway, time to post this off to you and look forward to hearing back from you.

Neil