Feel so bad about having no girlfriend

[Johnnnnn]

I am already 24 this year and still got no girlfriend, meanwhile, many of my friends have their girlfriends and even some of them are gonna get married soon. 
Not only I feel I am left far behind by them but I also feel myself is much worse than others since I couldn’t have a girlfriend.

i feel like I am a loser, no girls ever liked me, no one wants to have relationship with me, feel bloody depressed 

[indigo22]

Hi Johnnnnn,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I feel for you, it's not exactly comfortable to be odd man out, especially when we are young.

Can you identify any reason/reasons why you might not have a girlfriend? For example, are you a bit shy around girls? Do you have trouble having a conversation with them? There are several reasons that could be at play in this situation.

I can tell you one thing, getting married at your age is not a great idea. I am speaking from experience when I say this. During our 20's is the time we are learning about who we are, what we want and don't want for our future, so getting married before knowing those things can be a mistake as most young people grow at a different rate and may find themselves wanting different things part way into the marriage.

You have plenty of time to find the right person for you, but first you need to figure out who you are and what you want. I am happy to help in any way I can, but I am wondering if it might be worthwhile having a talk with one of your friends girlfriends and ask, from their perspective, what they think might be holding you back. Only another female can tell you what may be the problem.

I am not saying that you should change who you are, you should always be your authentic self, but there may be a couple of things you could be doing differently that would make all the difference. From a female perspective, I can tell you that someone who is self confident and has respect for themselves and for others is more attractive than someone who is overconfident and uses pretence to try to impress. Likewise, someone who lacks self confidence and is awkward in female company would be less attractive to some females. Can I suggest also that doing some self reflection may be a helpful exercise.

Some people just take a little longer to grow into who they really are than others, so there is no need to be hard on yourself about it.

I hope this is of some help and please feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care of yourself,

indigo

[therising]

Hi Johnnnnn

When it comes to attraction, I think part of it depends on which pool we're currently swimming in. What I mean is if we're in a pool or group of potential partners who are only attracted to someone with a sense of humor and we're lacking a sense of humor, we're not going to attract anyone. If we're in one where people are only attracted to a specific type of physical appearance and we don't appear as attractive to them, we're not going to attract a partner. If we find ourself in a pool of really shallow people and we're somewhat of an intellectual or a philosopher, we're not going to appear as attractive. The list of pools or groups of people goes on. There are dozens and dozens of different types.

I think another question can involve 'What kind of person would I like to be attracted to me?'. If we'd like to attract a partner who loves a gym goer, we'll need to go to the gym. If we'd like to attract a partner who loves a confident person, we'll need to focus on self development as we develop more confidence. If we'd like to attract a partner who loves well groomed people who obviously take good care of their appearance, we'll need to change our grooming style. When it comes to self development, sometimes it can be about 'How would I like to develop in ways that not only serve me but also a potential partner?'.

It can definitely be so hard and, in some cases, depressing to watch others evolve in ways that we know would serve us. It can also feel like a bit of a rip off when they never had to put much effort into working on themself but we do, if we want to progress in similar ways. Sometimes I've found, with periods in depression, it involves raising myself in a variety of ways and graduating to next level through that hard work. Raising our level of consciousness (becoming aware of what we're not aware of), raising our levels of self esteem, raising questions that lead to much needed revelations, raising ourself to meet with certain mental, emotional, physical and even soulful challenges and more can be a heck of a lot of hard work at times. Finding good guides, in the way of self development and greater self understanding, is like finding 'fast trackers' so that the graduation's not so slow and painful. Finding guides or fast trackers also means we're not doing all that work alone. Wondering whether you can think of an area of self development that you've been considering lately.

[Guest_10120]

To have a girlfriend is not important but if you won't be successful in your life otherwise  you have to confront many consequences . Typically, those young stars have spent their life in parties and relationships they regret after some years so you should have to focus on your work and spend time following your passion💙

[sbella02]

John,

Thank you so much for reaching out here, welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. As somebody of a similar age who is also single, I know it doesn't help to be alone when everyone around you seems to be getting into relationships. 

I really like what Therising has said about being in the wrong pool, so I'm going to expand on that point. It definitely depends on who you want to attract, and what you feel is stopping you from meeting people. If you feel like your social/conversational skills aren't great, for example, it may be a case of learning how to converse with people better. If you feel that it's a case of not finding anybody you're interested in, perhaps this may be more about mingling in groups of people who share similar interests or experiences.

Have you had any luck on dating apps at all? This could be another avenue to look into, where you might like to have some friends help you curate a good profile to experiment with. 

In the meantime, make sure you're making time for yourself, to engage in things that make you happy. Hobbies, interests, passions, spending time with friends, anything that brings you joy and helps keep you fulfilled and satisfied. This can also help you enter into prospective relationships with greater confidence in yourself, equipping you with the tools to also be a really good partner.

I hope this helps, please feel free to chat some more if you'd like, we're here to support you.

Take care, SB