Feel like I’m wasting away

[GreenEgg]

Hi everyone

I’m really struggling with finding any meaning or joy in my life, and I’m feeling like I’ve wasted it away with poor choices. But I can’t even finish knitting a scarf, how can I change my life?

I’m on holidays now and I had the most amazing time, two weeks away from work hiking and walking in some of the most beautiful places in Australia. Camp fires and toasted marshmallows and wildlife. It brought me such peace - but this is my last night and all day all I have felt is dread, sadness and anxiety at the thought of going back to ‘real life’. 

Before I left, I was in a bad place and not looking forward to the trip. But then it was such an escape and I pushed everything from my mind. Now it’s back but it feels even worse. 

I think the crux of it is that I feel alone and worthless. I wish I could do more things like this, or even just to live more with nature and appreciating the small things, but I feel like people tolerate me and I’ll never make more friends let alone a partner than I have he same time, when people try I push them away.

I feel very dependent and small, because I struggle with things that come easy to other people like driving and navigating, remembering things. So I also don’t feel like I can be independent, it scares me.

[indigo22]

Hi GreenEgg,

It can be so hard to navigate the feelings that come with mental health issues.

I had a look back at a couple of your previous posts, did you get your medication sorted out by keeping a list of side effects you were experiencing? Do you have regular counselling sessions?

I have been dealing with depression for a long time and I know how your mind tends to try to convince you that you are unworthy, hopeless, and a myriad of other labels. However, you are not obligated to listen to that negative talk, you have a choice to question those thoughts and decide if they are really true or if they are just thoughts that others conditioned you into thinking. I also think you need to ask yourself why you push people away when they try. Our beliefs have a large impact on our reality, so I think it would be beneficial to question everything negative that comes up to decide how true it is in this moment, perhaps it was your way of coping in the past, but is it still relevant to who you are today. Developing new and relevant strategies is one of the keys to making progress.

It sounds like you had a lovely time away, walking, hiking, spending time in nature and feeling at peace. I wonder if considering a move to a more natural location would help with your recovery. Somewhere you can do those things on a more regular basis. If that is not an option, could you consider doing a trip each weekend to a natural location. It does not need to be a long trip every time, even going to a botanical garden, sitting or walking by a lake and perhaps feeding the ducks, even spending time in your garden when you can't get away.

I hope this is of some help to you and feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo22