Feel like a robot

[Tyler_p]

Not too sure if this belongs in the depression forum, I’ll try and make the back story brief. For 19 years I never experienced anxiety or anything like that, but a year ago my ex left me and it shattered me and put me in an awful constantly anxious and suicidal state. Since then I have found a new girlfriend and she is wonderful, we tend to fight a bit but I really care for this girl and she is one of the few things that make me feel truly happy. Problem is i have found that the previous break up has caused anxiety and insecurity and easy sadness to linger around me. Throughout my time with my girlfriend, any sort of fight and my own overthinking would trigger all these, but I’ve been doing really well at working on them and toning them down and being more calm. 3 days ago my girlfriend and I had a big fight (the fault was on my end as I hurt her feelings) and it’s at the point where she is on the verge of leaving me. My problem is that I felt very neutral on the matter, as if I couldn’t comprehend I was about to be left. We tried talking and I was a complete robot, I couldn’t even try and show sad emotion or show that I cared for her. I know exactly how I feel about my gf and the situation and I know about all the emotions I have for her, but I can’t feel them at this point of time, I’m blocked from sadness, I don’t feel the screaming anxiety and pain I know I should feel. Before people say it, it’s not that I don’t care for this girl cause I truly do, but I can’t show for it at all right now. I can feel happiness right now, but it’s mostly just neutral, nothing really below that. Has anyone experienced this and have any idea on the matter and how I can fix it? As much as I don’t want to feel right now, I need to be able to show emotion again. I don’t want to just be a robot towards the one I love

[Sophie_M]

Hey Tyler.p,

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We're sorry to hear that you're feeling unable to express emotion towards the one you love. It sounds like this must be really frustrating,  but please know that many in our community will be able to relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will be able to offer you words of advice.

If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support and advice to help you through this.

We hope you can find some comfort here in the forums, and please feel free to keep us updated on here on your thread, on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

[geoff]

Hi Tyler.p. and welcome to the forums.

When we have a partner, every disagreement doesn't automatically mean they're going to leave us, although that's how we might feel, but there are times when all we want to do is be quiet or as you say 'a robot'.

You can't necessarily compare one 'old flame' to your current one but you can learn from all their good points, which you can endeavour to utilise to grow compassion, whether or not it's helpful when you think it may help, but to mention their name is something you shouldn't do.

If you are able to feel some happiness, that's what we want, it doesn't matter whether you have a dull period with your partner, because making up is half the fun.

Best wishes.

Geoff.