Extremely stressed, anxious, depressed, lost, overwhelmed with no job and only $20 to my name

[Choccie_Snow07]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to reach out today as I am really struggling with my mental health and financial/work/relationship pressures are exacerbating the depression, stress, anxiety, and helplessness I am feeling. I wanted to reach out to hear from you about how you navigate similar situations, any support, guidance, advice, and empathy would be so very appreciated. I am extremely socially isolated because of where I live as well as chronic social anxiety being a barrier to me connecting with others, so am hoping I can connect with others through here who will likely understand how it feels from similar experiences.

I have been out of work for a long time now and it is making me feel so stressed, lonely, bored and depressed. I am isolated. I am in so much debt and have $20 to my name, it is stopping me from sleeping and making me feel utterly sick. It has been really confronting lately to wake up with the realisation of my situation, and wondering what the hell went wrong. I did not envision my life to be this way, I am a qualified helping professional who cannot seem to secure a job and have no money, I can't even help myself. I feel like such a loser. I am so upset I have let my life go this way. I am bored, I don't see anyone or have any friends. This is not living, but I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Utterly lost and feeling helpless.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. It sounds like you are really struggling and feeling isolated and hopeless. It's understandable that you would feel discouraged given everything you are facing.

Please know that your current situation does not define you or reflect your true worth and potential.

I sincerely wish I could give you a hug right now. You deserve support and compassion. Don't be so hard on yourself! With your education and qualifications, I truly believe you have so much to offer. There are always solutions, even if they aren't clear yet.

Connecting with others and asking for help is a courageous first step. Have you tried reaching out to organisations like Anglicare or similar and explain your situation. I hope they would be able to give you the assistance you deserve. You have already shown your inner strength just by sharing your story here today. I hope you can find moments of peace or joy in the small things, and start to regain hope. Take things one step at a time, be gentle with yourself, and know there are many who would be happy to help lift you up.

Listening if you want to chat some more...

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Choccie_Snow07,

It’s great you have the courage to reach out at this difficult time. Quite a few years ago I was in a similar situation. I remember my bank balance getting down to $1.23. I’d had to give up work because of an extreme pain condition and really struggled to see a future at the time. The worst of that was 2005-2006. But I hope I can give you some hope that things can get better. I remember feeling like my life was over, but it was small things, little by little, that gradually got me out of it.

May I ask firstly if you have any supports in place at present? If you are experiencing both struggles with anxiety and depression, plus major financial stress, you may be able to get support through Centrelink and go with a disability employment agency (they also help people with mental health conditions). I was with the equivalent of that back in 2005-2006 which was then the Commonwealth Rehab Service, and after years of working I’m back now with a disability employment agency following other life and health challenges. They can do a program of support tailored to your needs.

Are you currently getting any counselling/psychological support? I’m guessing if you are in the helping profession you are familiar with what’s out there.

When I think back to what got me out of the horrible place I was in when I had no money and could see no future, it was following my intuition and heart that got me out of it. I had an intuition/calling to be a teacher assistant at that time. So despite being in a lot of pain, I studied part-time going to TAFE night classes. The other people in the course were lovely and it lifted me going to the classes. I started writing poems and then playing my guitar again, then began merging the two into songs. Once I had a bit of work I could pay to join a singing group class. The singing was incredibly healing. This later led to becoming part of two songwriting groups. During this time I also went to free meditation nights at a local Buddhist centre and borrowed books and tapes on meditation which helped me through physical pain, but also emotional pain, too.

Bit by bit my life started to come together again and I could feel some hope. It was all these small things that gradually turned things around. I read books that interested me and explored all kinds of things. I think if you can find something that sparks your curiosity and brings you to life in some way, it can be the beginning of healing. It can be the smallest thing to start with. And being kind and gentle with yourself is so important. You need that more than ever when you feel overwhelmed.

Not sure how much that helps, but wanted to let you know I felt utterly lost too and couldn’t see a way out for a while. But I just kept following different threads, things that felt meaningful to me at that time, and gradually the threads came together and my life seemed to have connection, belonging and meaning again. I know it isn’t easy, but see if you can trust just to take small steps at a time. When you are looking at the totality of everything it can feel overwhelming. But see if you can go gently, little by little, moving in a direction that feels right for you.

Sending you hope and encouragement.

[yours_truly]

Hey Choccie_Snow07,

Congratulations on gathering up the courage and strength to reach out! The first step is usually the hardest to come around to. 

Just so you are aware, Beyond Blue has some very good services with professionals that you can reach out too, who are still available to you even with your financial situation. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time, but life isn't a straight line and it is bound to changing direction for the better at some point. Beyond Blue is ready and willing to give you personalised advice whenever you need it.  

If you are struggling with motivation and procrastination, I think the best way to go about it is to give yourself a simple goal. It could be even something like get out of the bed, or charge your phone. Scientifically speaking, you need to do something that takes up energy, to build it up and have enough for other things. If you are not working up your energy levels, they will just remain stagnant. I personally find that the sense of accomplishment is like a breath of fresh air. 

I also noticed that there is some feelings associated with self hatred. I know the situation you are in makes you feel like it's all your fault and you may even feel a little useless. However, I guarantee you, you are not a loser. There is a muddle up with your brain chemistry and feeling depressed and low are inevitable. During times like that, being kind to yourself and showing some understanding may help to strengthen progress and take on a more positive perspective. 

I hope you try some of these out and begin to feel more like you have found a path,

Yours_truly

[Choccie_Snow07]

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words, it means a lot. I like how you have re-framed things and put things in a bit of perspective for me. I will take this all on, and keep in mind that you are happy to chat. Thank you so much

[Choccie_Snow07]

Thank you so much for your support and kind words. I really really appreciate it. I am sorry you went through that, it is also comforting to some degree knowing that others have similar stories and that I am not alone.

Unfortunately I haven't been able to find a psychologist/therapist that either is a good fit for me or something I can afford. I have been using no cost options like Beyond Blue chat and these forums in the meantime, and have found them to be quite helpful. I have some social supports like friends and family. I will be having a review (finally after over a year of waiting!!) with a psychiatrist on the 25th so am looking forward to that. I do hope they review my treatment plan because I do feel it is incomplete and perhaps my medications aren't the right ones for me. Out of this review I may even be able to access some affordable psychology options, we shall see.

I am linked in with a DES/DMS through Centrelink and have my first appointment with them tomorrow, which I am really looking forward to. I have been transparent about my situation and they sound very supportive around helping me with personal and professional goals and in supporting my well-being. 

On a positive note, I was notified on Friday just gone that I have been successful in a job interview and will be starting on 8th November. I can't wait! I hope things will go up from here. Definitely less financial stress anyway, being the root of a lot of my difficulties with my mental health. It is a remote role working as a Specialist Support Coordinator and Case Manager with NDIS clients with invisible disability; I am really looking forward to being able to use my own lived experience to help support others with similar difficulties. The flexibility of working from home will also be great!

I love to hear about the different ways you looked after yourself through that difficult time. I love meditation, the Buddhist centre sounds amazing. I completely agree with you re listening to your intuition. Funnily, I have been focussing on finding a job and workplace that will fit me and my individual needs, one where you use lived experience to support others, rather than feeling like you have to mask all of the time. I am looking forward to doing what I love while also being able to be myself. With this focus, this opportunity came up! Then I have been listening to other things that I care about and enjoy, so I have taken up musical and creative pursuits like started knitting, taking up piano again (used to play when I was younger), planning travel around Australia while I work, and my social work/psychology content creation/products/business planning. I have been loving singing too, it is healing, but also lets built-up energy out and gives that dopamine hit! These creative outlets have been really good for me and slowly bringing me out of this dark time, along with feeling supported by others like this thread. It is feeling better now slowly as I now have some things to look forward to and PURPOSE. Without these, it is easy to see how a person can sink into a dark place.

So thank you so much. Thank you for sharing what has been helpful for you and for sharing your story. 

[Choccie_Snow07]

Thank you so much for your response and supportive words. Yes I have found BB very helpful!

Makes sense re stagnation and using energy. It really is very unmotivating having nothing on, so have created myself a bit of a weekly schedule so I have some routine and structure, purpose to my days. I have been trying to be kind to myself, accepting when I can only manage a couple of small things and acknowledging that these are small accomplishments working up towards to having more energy to do more. Thankfully I will be starting a job from 8th November so that will not only ease financial pressure, but also give me some purpose again. Which is a huge relief!

I don't feel like I hate myself, but I suppose I am more disappointed in myself with regards to how I have allowed things to pan out and some of the choices I have made, could have been better ones. It's more just frustrating, and to a degree a sense of grief of what I have lost due to poor decisions and lost opportunities. I know that is in the past and you can only focus on the present, so am trying to re-frame that these are just lessons and to not have regrets and instead use these experiences as points for further learning and growth, and perhaps not making the same mistakes again! It's just really hard when you reflect back on all you have missed and thrown away, and the outcomes, its confronting and does make me sad. But what is in my power now I suppose, is to focus on the present, and set some goals for the future to work towards that include improving my living situation, mental health, and doing things differently to other times. I do know that neurobiology does play into things a lot but am hoping that with my well overdue psychiatric review on the 25th (have been waiting over a year!!), there may be some improvements made to my treatment plan as I just don't feel it is working for me. Fingers crossed!

You're so right. Self-compassion is so important especially during these tough times. Thank you for your wisdom and for sharing. Your support is so very appreciated!

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Choccie_Snow07,

Thank you so much for sharing your news. I am so happy about your new job and that you feel better with some easing of financial pressure as well as looking forward to a sense of purpose in your new role. Reading your post has made my day as I've had a rough day and it is so lovely to hear how you are going. So it lifts me reading of your hope and enthusiasm.

I know it can be quite challenging finding a psychologist who is the right fit. I tried several before I found someone who felt right and has been a great help to me. It did take quite a while. I know expense is an issue too. I'm sure you are aware of the Mental Health Care Plan. I have used that up and I'm now on an additional 5 session rebate that Medicare do under an allied health plan. I always forget what it is called. It gives back slightly less than the MHCP. I hope some good options emerge for you out of the review with the psychiatrist and you can get an adjustment of meds that works for you.

I'm glad you are with the DES. It gives you more flexibility compared with a regular employment agency so it is a bit more of a safety net and more tailored to supporting you. I hope you have a helpful and productive meeting tomorrow.

Your new job sounds really meaningful, getting to used your lived experience to help others. The creative outlets you mention sound wonderful. I totally agree about the power of singing! Those things really can help to lift out of a dark time. I love that idea of travelling around Australia while you work. I'm imagining the new experiences you would be getting through travelling would be continuously renewing, interesting and inspiring which would feed back into your job. I recently did two brief road trips to inland areas and it was incredibly lifting and healing. There is something about the new experiences you get along the way that opens you up somehow and feeds the soul.

It sounds like you have things you are enjoying now and things to look forward to. Take care and all the very best with everything!