Hi there everyone,
First time ever reaching out or actually trying to get a sense of myself again.
I was in an 8 year long relationship with my ex partner, living together and he was selling me all my hopes and dreams till the day he broke up with him. Leaving myself and our puppy behind because he realized he didn't want to sell what he was putting up for sale for me anymore. e.g. buying our first property, proposing at the end of 2020 etc.
I suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teen, due to a rough child hood of sexual abuse etc which carried on for way to long. Through out our relationship it was mostly smiles, love and lots of great times. There was a time where he cheated and begged I stayed and as much as I didn't want to, I did because he was everything to me. Years go by and everything was fine until one morning he just left.
With my history of feeling abandoned, used and abused, I fell through the cracks. Started going crazy in my own mind, trying to figure out why, how, am I not good enough?
Whilst we were packing our aparetment up I learnt I was pregnant and I told him. It didn't change anything and I had done the tests and given him what he needed. He still walked away. He stayed in contact with me to check on the baby but I did loose it. I was waiting for an angel ornament to arrive to give to him which arrived to late. He made me pee on a stick again which showed I was not. but he didn't know I had lost it and I was waiting to tell him when I had the ornament and I was READY to just let go.
He blocked me on everything and all I could do was go to his family house and ring the door bell. He answered, I asked him in tears to believe me and to take the ornament and paper work of the miscarriage. He closed the door on my face, I couldn't breath. I didn't scream, I just cried my heart out. My friends came to collect me, hug me and support me. 1hr later the police came to check on me, where they had to hand an AVO, which was ridiculous. Now I'm finding myself hurt, hopeless and like I wasted my time loving a monster. I didn't deserve this but I am finding no way in myself to believe it, that I am worthy of the right love. I just don't know how someone could do this to me. 8 years I gave him everything and now I'm left siting here with him thinking I was lieing because he wouldn't give me the chance to tell him.
I feel embarrassed that I had to go to his family house where he is living. I feel sick that it got to this.
