Do I have a disability?

ThisCarl · ‎14-01-2015

I have clinical, treatment-resistant depression. I find it very difficult to concentrate on work and am very, very tired most days. At a guess I would say I am only about 20% as efficient as I was when I was younger.

Of course, I have had countless tests, scans and doctors appointments to find out why I lack energy but it all comes back the same: major depression is the problem.

I've never thought of myself as disabled - I work 12hr days (please, no one tell me that's the problem - I don't have a choice in this as I work so slowly I need the extra hours just to pay rent [I am paid per project]) and exercise and try to be a functioning human being, but slowly I am beginning to realise I will probably never be able to have a regular life.

I've had to endure watching my friends and peers succeed in studies, start amazing careers, own houses, etc whilst I plod along barely scraping by. This particularly is getting me a very, very, very down to the point where I have considered suicide.

I feel don't want to be the 'broke guy' of my friend group. I don't want anyone to pity me or think I am lazy and most off I don't want to be around to watch as these people lead fulfilling and adventurous lives - get married, have children, travel, etc.

So, what am I? Disabled? Lazy? Stupid? The reality is its got to be one of those things.

beyondblue_Online_Communi · ‎14-01-2015

Hi ThisCarl

It sounds like you are very hardworker and would like nothing more than to beat your depression. You are neither, lazy or stupid! Yes, it is true that chronic mental illness is a disability but that that does not mean that you can't recover. Please call 000 for an ambulance if you are going to act to take your life!

Treatment resistant depression can be caused by adverse or traumatic experiences. It might be worthwhile therefore to explore a specific treatment for psychological trauma. There are very effective, evidence-based treatments available but unfortunately psychological trauma often gets overlooked.Contact us and we'll help you find the right treatment. We are available on webchat from 3pm until midnight every day and 24/7 on our support line 1300 224 636.

ThisCarl · ‎14-01-2015

Thanks for your input.

Community Moderator said: Yes, it is true that chronic mental illness is a disability but that that does not mean that you can't recover.

So, if you dont mind me asking, what am I to do? Do I quit work and go on DHS whilst I seek treatment full time? Is there some kind of treatment plan I can get? Obviously, I have spoken to multiple GPs many times but they've never really given me a defined path or plan for treatment. Are there such things as depression experts? I really don't want to try a psychologist or psychiatrist again - the chance of being imprisoned in the hospital is too high.

Even if I do make a full recovery I am so far behind the average career/income trend for my age group I wouldnt be able to catch up and would still be a failure in societies eyes.

geoff · ‎15-01-2015

dear Carl, I am pleased that community moderator has chipped in here which is always great to see.

If you work 12 hours to pay your rent, then a payment wouldn't be enough from DHS, although you would get rent assistance, but the amount of money paid isn't a great deal, and this would mean that your life-style would have to change, which would then put you behind career/income trend of your age group, so it's a catch-22 situation here.

There's no doubt that by having depression wants us to curl up under the doona and sleep, and we can sleep all day but this makes no difference, because we're still tired, and by being on a DHS payment would enable you to sleep.

What you have to decide on is whether you want 'to keep up with the Jones' so to speak, or find someone who can help you with your depression, which at the moment you haven't had any luck with.

I would suggest that you ring the 24/7 BB phone number and they could direct you in the right direction to find a doctor, or alternatively click under 'Get Support' at the top of this page where you will find a list of doctors who are aligned with BB and specifically treat people with depression.

Let us know how you get on. Geoff.

ThisCarl · ‎15-01-2015

Thanks Geoff,

You're right about the DHS. I guess I'll have to resume work. It makes me think of how stuffed this country has become. I dont live anywhere fancy - just a share house in suburbia, $150 per week - but I cant afford it. Wow, I might be on the street soon. I never thought that would happen. Sorry I'm just venting here and, to be honest, I am scared senseless. I don't want to be homeless.