Depression blocks me from doing anything

[Nobodie]

I am having so much problem about my parents. They kept discouraging me, denying all my achievements, and criticizing all the decisions I have made. Years before, I tried to listen to "part of" what they said. But what I ended up with was a crush in my entire life and a self-abandoned suiside. What was left after that was a missing heart. I can't really felt my heart pulse after that and I don't even think my personality was there. Soon after that I chose to leave my mom and went to my dad who is in another country. There I met my first girl friend ever. Things happen on me was way more twisting and difficult than any TV series I have ever heard of. I have been trying to deny they are so bad cause I believe everyone has their own goodness. Yet, three years has passed, I couldn't believe what they did was even worse. What my mom has been doing was only breaking promise, misleading on all my choices, and being 24hr wavering. Now she started to fabricating the history, rooting all the previous bad things on me, and kept promising me all the things she couldn't have done and compelling me to go back and stay in her city. My father, another extremist, even got divorced and been single for couple of years, trust more on his ex-wife, "workmates," agents, and other relatives but not me. Most interestingly, all my childhood memory on him was ever-lasting bickering with mom at home. My mom always tells me what aspects on dad she looked down upon when I grew up. His business has been paying him less than half of the amount he deserve yet he is so proud of the "relationship". He once told me proudly that his peers called him for a midnight emergency job, but in return, they offered him a meal... He said this is true friends. He is so proud that even if paid at a discounted wage, he think that the vegetable friend send him is a witness and proof of that. As for agents, he is so close to the female agent that he wouldn't even care that I was cooking for the family. The agent was quite impolite to me but he didn't notice even a little. He kept on telling me how nice the agent is. Yet after I search online, I found him paying at the highest price of high point in history for houses at the lowest point of the market. Then after I learned more, I did realize that all the properties he got are sharply decreasing in price and no one was willing to purchase.

[Nobodie]

As for relative, he asked for a relative of my age to solve an IT issue for him but that IT person couldn't make it. Then he asked me with great disbelieving. I am not IT guys but I managed to solved it, and he said "Good" and that is all. So I tried to disconnect since year ago. When they made me unconfortable, I would blacklist them. While I am staying with my girl, and started to live on my own, funny and tricky things kept on happening every now and then between me, my partner and my parents. Cause she wouldn't believe that parents could be like that. So I just followed what she suggest to prove. And she lost her sleep for three consequent nights. I have to say she has been such a brave girl to stay with me. My parents is masterclass in suger coating coercive thoughts in a persuasive away, and tehy quite like to follow the logic of white lies to support their sayings. They had plenty of time to do these things. While I am still fighting ofr my visa, my career, my future, I am feeling quite tired actually. On this Thanksgiving, I stupidly opened the chat box with my parents. After seeing all those "Epileptic" words from them, I was rather unquiet. I do felt that certain communication on work stuff made me feel better. But as long as I sit alone, I could almost faint. I didn't want to share my story but when I googled "mental aid adelaide low cost" online, I just wanted to finish it. Cause I have no other to tell.

[Sophie_M]

Hey there,

Welcome to the Forums, and thank you for sharing your story. It's a brave and powerful thing to do. We're sorry to hear you're feeling blocked from doing anything by your depression. 

We can hear you've dealt with some incredibly difficult things in the past, and you are coping with a lot of complicated feelings right now. We encourage you to speak to the professional counsellors at the Beyond Blue Support Service about this. You can reach them on 1300 22 4636, or online here.

If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe by speaking to someone about it. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

Thanks again for sharing such a brave post.

Kind regards,

Sophie