Depressed but no one believes me

[Gina_xo]

I have known for sometime that I have swings of depression... it is not the constant kind... there are weeks I am fine and then like a car crash, it just hits me out of no where and I feel like I can't do anything to get out of it... 

When these swings happen, they can sometimes have a triggering event or like I said come out of nowhere. When I do have these episodes, I tend to have feelings of being trapped, anxiousness and sadness. I have this feeling like there is this heavy pain in my chest where the only way i can release it is by

cutting it open.. I sometimes wish i could erase myself or sometimes even just die. The thing is I would never kill myself though but i do fantasise about getting seriously sick or just disappearing when I am at my worst. 

So yes, I know I have a problem, but when I go to my fiancé and tell him (which is not easy) he dismisses it and does not take me seriously which makes me feel even worse. My fiancé is the best person in the world, caring, loving the best I could ask for and we tell each other everything. Which is why I was ok in sharing this with him... but the few times i did i got this reaction.

I feel horrible when this happens, like a

stab in the heart. And then I get angry and take it out in some other way.

I am not sure what to do?

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

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Beyondblue's clinically trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Neil_1]

Dear Gina

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and sharing your post.

It sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship and that is something to really hold close and dear to you.  I’ve battled this illness for longer than I care to remember and one thing I’ve gained over this time is that for the most part, sufferers and fellow sufferers are the ones who best understand mental health issues.  Partners, while loving and supportive, just cannot seem to grasp the full concept of depression.  Hells bells, I’m 49 and still struggle with understanding it fully!  🙂

I have a couple of things to mention here.

Firstly, what support mechanisms do you have in place?  Do you have a GP that you’ve been to see;   or any professional psyche counselling and possibly on anti-depressants?  If no to any or all of these, it might be a very good thing to investigate seeking out an appointment with a GP.  If you are not sure about GP’s, on this site, Beyond Blue have put up a list of them, that can be searched and hopefully you could find one or more in your local area.  The thing about these GP’s is that they are all qualified in assisting with mental health issues.

Also with regard to your fiance, also on this site, there are resources that you can order for free that give descriptions and information about depressive illnesses.  Perhaps your fiance could read up on these, so he can be better informed about certain things.

Another suggestion for down the track – might be, if you would feel comfortable in doing so, would be to see if you can get him along to one or your GP sessions (obviously after you’ve been there yourself and developed a bit of a repoire with the GP).  This could be very beneficial to him so he can gain further knowledge/insight into things and possibly coping mechanisms that he might learn in order to help you.

Just suggestions for you and I do hope to hear from you again.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Gino, it's always a brave move to be able to post comments on here, but the best part is that you are doing to people who have been though the trauma as yourself

Depression is an illness that can come and go, and by saying this it means that we still have it, but then all of a sudden it hits us so hard and then puts us into a deep hole of devastation, or a deep hole of depression.

We never can predict when this happens, it just strikes us out of the nowhere, or we maybe coping to an extent, which is only a pretend way, thinking that it won't happen again, but it does, so we can't stop it.

We can have to most caring partner that we have never had before, but they dismiss our depression as just 'having a bad day', but it goes much deeper than this, because they can't understand what depression is, it's not going through an awful spell, it means that we are not coping with our life, and that although they pretend to fob it off, it actually means that we need help, and the best start is by going to your GP, and whether you want to tell your finance is up to you, but I would suggest that he should know, because you maybe taking AD's as well as seeing a psychologist, which is available on a medicare plan, and your GP will organise this for you.

I hope that you can get back to us, because we want to help you as much as we can. L Geoff. x