depressed 23 year old

feelingblue97 · ‎06-07-2020

Hi

Im a 23 years old guy, feeling depressed and alone. every morning as soon as i wake up my heart pumps faster and i start sweating and the overwhelming feeling of burden and hopelessness creeps on me. I dont look forward to the day at all. I have no friends and dont want to burden anyone w my sadness. I've learnt to mask my feelings and cover it up with jokes but i think my cover is being revealed. i used to be fun and happy with goals and ambitions, with a clear picture of where i wanted to be in the future, i had friends and had no problem making friends. but now i cant even bother and im like to myself what is the point.

i used to be proud of myself and now i cant even go without a minute without thinking bad about myself

i dont even know what i should do, i just need someone to talk with me, and understand me

I feel sorry for myself and guilty at the same time for wasting time. I want to get better, ive been wanting to get better for a long time, but ive always wanted to get better on my own and it hasnt worked.

there's a negative stigma of having a mental problem in my family.

do u guys think its worth going to see my GP,

smallwolf · ‎06-07-2020

Hi. The feelings you described in the top of your post were the very similar to me. I had a lump in my throat, racing heart, sweaty palms and the feeling of failing. This happened every morning when I started work. I saw my GP and was referred to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion. Seeing seeing that psychologist today. I also thought I was the weak one for not being able to cope. Then as I spoke to others I would find out that I was not alone.

So coming here is a good start - there are plenty of people like you or me who you can talk to and will understand. The people here are not judgemental.

And talking to someone, even if that someone is a professional allows you to get those thoughts out of your mind and can also get some feedback on things you can do.

Personally I would see a GP. It is also helpful to have a support network. Here might not be the same thing as someone in real life BUT is the next best thing. So I will listen and walk this journey with you and I hope you will come back and share more of your story.

Tim

Tangney · ‎06-07-2020

Hello feelingblue97. It's perfectly understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed as you've been trying to cover your feelings with jokes and being light hearted, which takes a lot of energy when you're feeling so low and battling through each day. Is it really true that you have no friends? It may feel that way as you dealing with your own thoughts without telling anyone, but you say that you were able to easily make friends previously. Maybe those people are still around somewhere and you've lost touch? I think the times we're going through are especially tough on young people. There's a lot of negativity in the media and in the world generally and it's hard not to be discouraged. Things have changed for lots of people. I know for myself, my mood has been very low over the past few months and it feels as though I'm walking through this dense forest with no light coming in and no-one understands. I'm not sure that your GP can help, but maybe it's worth a try. Perhaps you could ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist for someone to talk to if you feel that you can't discuss this with anyone in your circle. You will should be entitled to some free sessions through Medicare. I hope you're ok. All the best.

feelingblue97 · ‎07-07-2020

thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply

hopefully we can all get through this and live our lives to the fullest. For me the problem of talking to people around me about my issue, is that i have done so in the past, and the feeling i get afterwards is regret, i be to myself why i told them about my problem because normally i would get a cold respond or something along the line of you shouldnt feel sad cause so many other people have it worse or go and pray. honestly even a small acknowledgement of my sadness from someone else really helps. so thank u. i just wanna hear something like i know you're sad at the moment but you should gget through it, from my father or mother.

i remember when i was at school, and my teacher asked me what was wrong, cause that was when my depression started to surface initially, i immediately bursted into tears, i was so embarrassed, but it felt good afterwards, and the problem was not being able to pin point what is actually wrong

I've gotta figure this out cause every day that passes i feel like im wasting my life. sometimes though, i think to myself the more i associate myself with depression and the more i put a label on the feeling i have and describe it as depression, the harder its going to be for me to get out of it, so im really confused on that sense. i dont know if you understand this, but you know how there is a saying, like, the more you look for happiness the saddder you get cause your subconciously coming from a place where you're lacking happiness so you in a way telling yourself you are unhappy. i dont know if this makes sense, but theres that conflict in my mind regarding depression.

thanks again for your responses

Tangney · ‎07-07-2020

Hi feelingblue97. I'm glad my post was helpful to you. Similarly, there have been times when I've tried to confide in others that I have trusted and their responses have let me down quite badly, with comments that minimise the seriousness of how I've been feeling, making me feel worse than when I said nothing. This doesn't happen very often these days, as I'm now really careful about who I confide in. I'm a bit older than you, but when I was your age, my parents had no idea what I was on about and said some awful things about me being weak, a problem for them, and an attention seeker, all of which were far from the truth. In the last few years, they have realised their errors, which is something. I also had a similar problem with friends, who didn't have any understanding of what I was going through. Some of the reasons for that: they had limited life experience, they couldn't see that me acting life the joker and life of the party was a cover, and that there was little information or discussion about depression. Please be aware that there are people out there who do understand you. Sometimes, they aren't the ones who are closest and you have to look further afield to get some support so that you don't feel ostracised from society.

pinktulip · ‎21-07-2020

Hi there,

depression is a real monster... you don't feel like contacting people or if you force yourself to contact while depressed it can ruin friendships...but particularly with COVID-19 as not having face to face contact...

Also, unfortunately because you are young, your friends probably haven't awareness of what depression is... unless they are unfortunate enough to have a relative...

It's best to try to get treated sooner rather than later otherwise you may associate depressive symptoms as you and feel low self esteem

Also, sometimes family can make you feel guilty... don't fall into the trap of hoping that with time things will go away with no action... Also sometimes calling numbers doesn't help at times because mainly they want you to re psychology but you're spacing the appointments out or those numbers feel like haven't had that problem,

Gambit87 · ‎22-07-2020

Hi feelingblue97!

I know how you feel mate.

Depression is brutal! It saps motivation, it makes us think and feel things that are simply not true. As hard as it is though, YOU are not alone.

I spent around 15 years hiding my depression, putting on the happy mask so people wouldn't see my pain. I never spoke to anyone about it because I figured who wants to hear my stuff? no body cares? I felt so lonely and worthless and trapped. Then around 7 months ago, the black dog bit me on the butt and I was forced to acknowledge I needed help. I broke down in front of a GP I had never saw before (my usual GP was away) and she put it bluntly that I needed help.

Now, I am getting help. I opened up to my partner, family and friends and it has been such a liberating experience, I never new I had so much love and support around me. I'm also seeing a great psychologist whos helping me build myself back up.

Its not weak to speak! Its ok NOT to be OK!

I encourage you to speak to a GP and see a psychologist!

Again, you're not alone mate. We're here for you.