Deep depression for too long

[Hayley040]

Hi everyone, 

I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since my teenage years, I'm currently 29.

I've been on a number of medications seen numerous therapies, but yet I'm still struggling.

What's the worst for me, is the fatigue and lack of motivation and the guilt of thinking I'm just "lazy" riddles my mind.

I work a 38hr weekand. I'm able to do so because other people are relying on me, but I have a goal of starting my own business and have so for so long. 

When I finally have the free time to work, I just have no motivation and I just end up sleeping because I'm so frustrated with myself and want this day to end, so I can start fresh.

What has worked for you all to get through the depression fatigue? I can no longer handle it. 

Thank you.

[Bob_22]

Hi Hayley040,

Thanks for your post. I'm 30 years old and similar to you have been living with depression for about a decade now. I'm currently doing better and am medicated whilst still seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. I have been unemployed for a few years now due to my mental health and also felt guilty about not working. 

Similar to you, I tend to sleep alot if I have nothing on my plate or don't have something important to wake up for. I found the best way to combat this is to set up a routine. Even if it is something small like waking up at a certain time to have a coffee this is better than not getting out of bed at all. I found practicing mindfulness is also a good way to regulate fatigue. Trying to do something active like reading, meditating or exercising helps with this. Breathing exercises are also good especially at the end of the day or during a stressful period. There are some examples on the bb website here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises 

For going to bed I hear that asmr is helpful for some people. I used to use the calm app but that is a paid subscription so I cancelled that after a year. Listening to certain music also helps people. Listening to circles by post malone seems to relax me haha. There are also some good tips for sleep on this fact sheet here: https://headspace.org.au/assets/Factsheets/HSP225-Sleep-Fact-Sheet-DP3.pdf 

Hope that helps

Bob

[yggdrasil]

Hi Haley040,

Thank you so much for posting, and I'm sorry you're dealing with depression, anxiety and fatigue. Do you experience a lot of intense mental self-talk and rumination? I ask because you mentioned you suffer from anxiety, and you described how thoughts of feeling lazy riddle your mind, so I suspect perhaps you do. I found that intense spiraling negative self-talk was the thing causing my own sense of mental fatigue and burnout.

Finding ways to give your mind a rest help, but this is easier said than done for busy people. While there are lots of strategies and therapies, they often require a degree of focus and energy, and it sounds like your current work/life situation doesn't leave much of this leftover.

Are there any small steps you could take to free up some time and stamina in your week? For example, I bought a dryer to simplify my laundry cycle. The more slack you can generate in your week, the more you can experiment with strategies for alleviating anxiety and depression (and just have more fun.)

You mentioned you've tried lots of therapies. I went through heaps too - the only one that eventually stuck was "schema therapy". However, lots of other things complemented the therapy. One was getting back into skateboarding. Skating is physically strenous, and requires intense focus. The risk factor also heightens the focus. This really forces you out of your head. Obviously skating isn't for everyone, but have you thought about trying a slightly "edgy" activity like that? E.g. rollerskating or martial arts? I think anything that requires overcoming fear also helps with anxiety.

I also started exploring spirituality. I think some of the rituals etc you find in traditional religions can help with anxiety and depression. I'd done a lot of psychology reading, and I was surprised at how much of the science was mirrored in the spiritual setting, e.g. the importance of cultivating feelings of awe and gratitude.

If any of the above sounds reasonable, don't be afraid to start really small, and celebrate any wins by writing them down etc - no matter how small and silly they seem. Consciously recognising each small step you take may help create psychological patterns that provide more motivation. E.g. I will acknowledge to myself the act of drafting this response as a "small win" tonight.

Hope this helps in some way.