dealing with depression for the past 5 years

[JDuncs]

hey guys, im 23 years old and i have been struggling with depression for the past 5 years, which has started to increase dramatically after covid. My early life consisted of a broken family and parents being divorced, the loss of my mother at the age of 10, to then having to live with my father who was a pedophile for the next 4 years and witnessed everything that he caused not only to himself but to the family too until he was finally taken to jail. Being 14-15 years old you dont really know or understand how to cope with and comprehend all of this so it was kinda pushed to the back of my mind never to be thought about, until 5 years ago when i finished year 12, a massive change in everyones life i'd say. In saying that massive changes for me dont go really well, taking a bad turn i starting smoking a lot of weed to cover up all my pain all the up until now where i am here seeking for any guidance or support.

[Bob_22]

Hi JDuncs,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting your story. It is so great that you've reached out for help and I hope that you find these forums helpful and the community supportive. 

As you mentioned, you have been through so much and you must be so strong to have done so. I can't even imagine going through the things you mentioned, especially whilst in school and so young. I just wanted to say that I admire you and envy your courage/strength. In terms of advice, I think it may be best to approach a mental health professional. Someone such as your GP who can refer you to a psychologist or mental health worker under the better access scheme with a mental health care plan. This entitles you to 20 medicare rebated psychology sessions throughout the year. 

In terms of my personal advice, I think it would be best you go somewhere such as headspace who offer a range of services under the one roof for 12 - 25 year olds. They can help with the referral as well as provide psychology sessions within the same centre. They also have occupational and drug and alcohol workers that may support you if that's something you would like to partake in. I've worked there before and can vouch they are a great service. You simply to phone or walk in and do an intake assessment with one of their intake workers. You can find your closest centre here: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/ 

In the meantime, I would recommend checking out some of the resources and even contacting the support services from blue knot foundation here: https://blueknot.org.au/ . They advocate for and provide support to people who have experiences of complex trauma. I've also reached out to some fellow champion users here on the forums to see if they can lend anything to this thread. 

Thank you again for sharing your story and reaching out here. Please keep us updated on how you're going and I hope you find this post useful. If you ever need to talk to someone don't be afraid to reach out to one of the counsellors here at beyond blue by visiting: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

Bob

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear JDuncs,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

I’m so deeply sorry for all that you have gone through and witnessed, my heart goes out to you…It would have been impossible for you to understand understand everything you went through..

JDunce, I’m wondering if you have any professionals, Your Dr.  or a psychologist, counsellor caring for you and your mental health?….if not please try hard to reach out to your Dr…being a victim, a witness to all that you went through, your Dr. could hopefully get you in to see a Victims Counsellor, who specialises in crime victims counselling….I had a victims counselling and they helped me with learning to bring myself out of my unhealthy thoughts to living in the present…as well as some healthy strategies to help me get through my dark times…

Self medication is something many people do turn to when things get overwhelming for them….It does help to numb the pain for a while, but doesn’t last long until again depression and traumatic thoughts start cycling around in our thoughts….

You have come to the right place for guidance and support…and it takes a lot of courage to write out your posts….many other beautiful members will call in to help support you…not sure if I’ve helped you at all…but I did want to call in to say hello and to let you know that I do care about you…

Thinking of you with caring thoughts and kindness..

Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi JD,

I can commend your decision to break away from the weed and seek real peer support. It is a good first step along a journey that will prove not all bad and not all goals unreachable. With the right attitude you'll treat it like an interesting journey getting to know yourself and revelling in being a survivor rather than seeking pity.

My suggestions are listed-

• Family doesnt have to be blood
• Seek your purpose/s in life
• Pursue all the pages of treatment to complete the book, therapy, psychiatric/psychological, medication
• Your reflections appear possible to lead you to leadership in the advisory area as I'm doing now. That was my purpose in life many years ago
• Seek the comfort of any family around, pursue those relationships

Your use of drugs is understandable but now you are older and you can leave that behind. It doesnt have to define you. 

Use our library, just use search. The threads might help you battle depression.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/do-we-expect-a-smooth-road-in-life/td-p/127389

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/only-the-strongest-survive-make-it-you/td-p/180746

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3aFh7OJMNA

(Prem Rawat Maharaji has many videos and are very helpful)

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/you-are-sliding-what-can-you-do/td-p/102390

Reply anytime. I'm here most days 

TonyWK

[JDuncs]

thank you! and appreciate your guidance and support! 

[lonelywanderer]

Hi JDuncs,

I am dealing with my trauma in a similar way. I have been struggling with mental health issues since I was 15, I have been struggling with mental health issues - particularly depression - for years now (I am 19 now). Over the past few months I have slowly started to lose sight of myself. Even though I am currently studying my dream course at university, and I am working flat out for my dream job, I always seem to feel worthless, and I too have turned to using drugs.
When I first started it was just for a bit of fun, but over the past few weeks I’ve come to realise that my heavy use and reliance have really started to drain me. My only friends are the ones I smoke with, and they don’t really take me seriously when we’re together and I mention my mental health. (They’re too zonked).

I feel like an absolute waste of space. My self destructive habits are tearing me and my family, who are my closest support system, apart. Thoughts of self harm are starting to return. I am constantly sick and tired, I feel foggy 24/7 and I am so easily irritated. 
drugs are not helping me, I can see that. But for me, the alternative is much worse, and it’s all I’ve got at the moment. 
Sorry for the vent. I feel like I’m losing my mind. 
- L (a lonely wanderer)

[Bob_22]

Hi lonelywanderer,

Thank you so much for posting here and sharing. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with smoking as well as working and going to uni in the background. It sounds like you have a lot going on.  Drug and alcohol use is a complex issue and can affect not only our lives but also our brain and our mental health. There is some great info available here on limiting our use: https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/limit-alcohol-and-other-drugs/ 

No need to apologise. This space is for you to share as much or as little as you like. As I mentioned to JDuncs, please feel free to reach out to our team here if you'd like to have a chat with someone one on one. 

Bob