Dealing with depression and anxiety

[clownartist]

I am new to this forum.I trying to deal with depression and anxiety which I have suffered from approx last two years.I have been through a bitter separation a marriage of 20 years or so. My teenage children have almost abadoned me and have very little support.My work has suffered .I am really struggling to deal with moving forward have to sell the property find new home and job.I have completely lost my mojo

[quirkywords]

Clown artist,

I have just read your posts and others on this thread.

I agree this is a great supportive community.

I think people are realising how important mental health is and how important it is to educate young children on how to be resilient.

I am interested in your name does it have a special meaning for you?

quirky

[CMF]

Hi CA,

I think any 20 yo at uni would be wrapped up in their own lives so yes i agree, adolescents! Does he live with your ex wife? Does your ex live far now that she is the city? You've mentioned your daughter is with her full time now, could distance/travel be part of the reason for this? I guess she is at an age where she may want o be around her friends on weekends and socialise with them. How does she feel about city vs country?

cmf

[clownartist]

Hi Quirky

Yes I agree about mental health and resilience, my daughter attend school and I constantly hear about mental health issues with fellow students.Is it me or is there an increase in issues or just discussed more?

Good question about the significance of my name clownartist history: my father was a very dominating figure and he was an artist At one stage in his life probably when we kids were being little shits He had an outburst and said What do you take me for a clownartist. It has stuck every since a term of derision waiting for my kids label me .Whats that saying your children are the best and worst of you! How about quirky any special meaning?

[white knight]

Hi CA

16yo IMO isnt too young to talk adult topics. My daughter now 28 and married two weeks ago cradled my psychotic head and wiped away my tears at 14yo. I thanked her in my speech.

With ex's we often feel their opinions are the be all and end all, that our views must be wrong because our relationship broke down...we feel we failed.

What I found important is to gather my friends thoughts and get a bunch of views.

Eg my first wife abused me emotionally for 11 years. Although I knew this, my guilt caused me to doubt she was calculated in her treatment of me.

After our split my best mate spoke to her for a couple of hours. At one point his questions centred on her treatment of me. She denied she was deliberately hurting me. She bowed her head but looked sideways at him. She was playing a game. My friend challenged her on the premuse she knew very well she was using her mental mind twisting abilities to manipulate and cause destruction.

He returned to me his views that he too would find it very difficult to live with her.

Just that gave me strength to move forward.

It's very much a shame that my youngest daughter evolved ingto a person with her mothers traits. When such similarities include calculated sneeky hurtful emotional games...there is little chance of a future with me. The walls of the fortress of survival are up.

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Tony WK

Tony WK

[clownartist]

Hi CMF

My son goes to uni in Sydney and lives in share accommodation there .I live 10km from my ex and it was a good point you made about being around her friends . very insightful.She has told me herself she wants to be around her friends .She loves the farm and the dog ,the music and the space.But as I have learnt the hard way places without people are just places.It quite sad

[clownartist]

OMG White Knight

The similarities are uncanny I have suffered the same emotional blackmail as my father used to call it from my ex .Always attacking never positive even about our kids when she turns up I know will be in 'rehab' for the next few days.We have two beautiful children surprisingly with our relationship problems she has has never acknowledged our efforts. It such a shame my daughter and I have similar taste music movies food .Unfortunately my ex is playing the emotional games to destroy me and she is doing a pretty good job.I dont like the blame game ,my daughter will figure it out but it does ease the pain I am still amazed at the common threads with daughters.,its scary Always look to the in laws

[white knight]

CA

Thinking of you. Your thread here has struck a nerve. Let me explain.

Its been 21 years since I left my family home. We didnt have much equiity in our home, a small cottage in a small town.

I ended up in my 10ft caravan. I settled with my wife, she got the house and mortgage. I got the garage that I'd built.

I'd purvhased my one acre block in a nearby town and re-erected it, worked hard and built my own home...a quaker barn.

I kick started my life. I was decisive and determined. I look back on those years.

Now I'm remarried. We are happy. We are in another cottage.

Its a life created by my dreams.

When you are ready, pick up the pieces and kick butt.

Tony WK

[clownartist]

Hi WK,

I just read your post fortress of survival.This is ridiculous Xmas is the most difficult time and my mother would not attend our wedding she was extremely manipulative and destructive and I was always trying to please her.My only fault was I loved her too much!We attract people who represent our past !If you dont learn from your past you are destined to repeat it.Interested to learn how you moved onto to new relationship I am very apprehensive.I listened to Bob Hawke talking about Paul Keating "He has an inability to put the past behind him " I am worried I have a similar trait

[clownartist]

Hi WK ,

I am feeling pretty low today part of the human condition.

Yesterday I had a visit from my ex and as usual we ended up arguing .

I am embarrassed that we are so angry at each other.She said my behaviour was the reason my daughter is again seeing a psychologist and that I need to accept that and that our relationship is over

Unfortunately I did not agree and replied that her family has many problems as well.It was extremely unpleasant and I am not proud of my outburst.

The final straw came when she wanted to take my dog for the week to my daughter , I refused .My daughter has not contacted me for over 2weeks

I am not proud of my behavior but I feel I am just a complete doormat and I finally stood up to her bullying

I slipped into a drinking binge after the incident .I need some help in dealing with the situation and realise how toxic she is for me .I feel so weak and anxious

CA

[CJs_mum]

Hi CA,
Welcome. I hope we can be of some help, even if just a sounding board.
You've made a great step to come forward and admit you're not in a good space and your behaviour, thoughts, feelings and drinking aren't great.
Are you able to speak with a counsellor or pshyc? someone who is trained in helping you through this really hard time. It sounds awful for you.
Being near an ex aint easy thats for sure and of course, the past will always be brought up and blame placed, no matter who really is at fault - if anyone is at all. Break-ups happen. What you do afterwards counts. Moving forward from here to not touching the alcohol and taking small steps to improve YOUR life, do things for you (like standing up to your ex about your dog - good on you.) and things that you like/make you feel good.
Maybe then, after you've gone and done some things and shown you can take action, who knows, your daughter may be ready to see you?
She may not though - as she sounds like shes in a hard, dark place and may need professional help too (and you to reach out to her when she's ready). Sometimes, just knowing parents are around and doing things for themselves - are just a phone call away- really helps - even if we don't actually pick up the phone and call.
It really sounds like you (and perhaps your daughter) need someone to talk with. It ok to, there are some really good people out there who can and will help you through this difficult time...and remember, thats all it is, just a time that's hard but will pass 🙂
Be safe
I wish you luck, strength and all the very best.