Crying, a gauge to our mental strength?

[white knight]

Reaching 60yo l can reflect on my early life and it is clear that my thousands of buckets l could have filled with my tears is in contrast to the period of post 2009. Why?.

Diagnosed in 2009 with bipolar 2,depression, dysthymia and dwindling anxiety meant the correct medication was prescribed. From then on it was more a case of fine tuning dosages.

Last week l had the trauma of my youngest daughter leaving my life. She's 24yo and l have been tormented by this development BUT, I havent shead a tear. I feel it is a reflection of my newfound mental strength. Yes she has come and gone in my life but that fact doesnt mean it comes easy to cope with.

What else could it be?. After much analysis l think acceptance of what life really is has helped.

Life is not what we plan it to be nor wished. As kids we drew rainbows but not rocks. Life will throw stones, rocks, even boulders- without warning. Is our lack of being able to cope due to us expecting a smooth road in life? Or do we know life has hurdles but when they arrive its so devastating we have no learned skills to cope with them?

At school we had no lessons in "coping with trauma" or "breaking up with your partner, how to do it with compassion and care" or "depression signs" etc.. even financial planning isnt taught. All these life challenges are learned the hard way.

Some people can approach such challenges easier than others. So if you are sensitive, had a cruel upbringing, family history of mental illness and so on, you might let your tears become streams. Is it an indicator of your mental strength-lack of it?

I suggest it could be. There is no worse feeling imo. That feeling of devastation, worthlessness, failure and mental collapse- crying. However I've known some people equally the same but not crying, with filming over their eyes as if deeply sad without tears so I'm not saying it is the case every time.

If you have had a period of lots of crying, to work closely with your professional mental health expert with medication and therapy. Hopefully you'll improve and your stream of tears will dry up. Mine did so there is hope that your mental strength will return or develop even late in life.

Accepting life has boulders will prepare yourself for them. Sh*t happens and its out if your control but you can develop strategies to cope better and a mentality that will look at life for what it is and always had been, unpredicable, hurtful but can be wonderful, incredible and more stable

Tony WK

[gld]

Hi,

Was sitting down this morning flipping through the files in the mind on how to develop tools on how to lift up the moods.

This question could be a little out there! Has anyone out there gone to laughter yoga? A while back i saw it on a program and the volume of people who were practicing it was amazing.

I feel it could be the yin and yang to our flows of that burdening sadness who visits us on occasions. After finding this tucked up in the back of the mind, going to go to join in on a class in two weeks time [it just costs a gold coin this makes me happy]. Thinking this could be a good way to slow some of those flows.

The meaning of yin and yang that has begun to ring through my path at present is:-

The yin, the dark swirl, is associated with shadows, femininity, and the trough of a wave; the yang, the light swirl, represents brightness, passion and growth.

The quote that i found a while back that made me think is:-

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.
-- Jean Houston

Not too sure if i have strayed off the topic although this could have the ability to ease those raging rivers of tears. There have been moments when i have just laughed just because others have laughed and walked away from it with a smile from ear to ear with this feeling of euphoria that is impossible to put pen to paper.

Gen

[white knight]

Hi Lee,

There is no way to contact other members on this forum under the community rules.

However most if not all champions when logging on go to "my threads" and click onto those threads that have had replies to find out the latest reply. So by all means, as in this thread where l mentioned "run its course" I'd read your reply.

It was a newspaper article about 2 years ago. Thats all l know I'm afraid Lee.

I presume if the mind is in a certain depressive state perhaps due to a chemical imbalance then fighting it could prolong it. A good question for our resident Dr Kim.

Tony WK

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Thanks for reply, and confirming what I thought re 'contact' through threads.

It would be interesting to know more about this school of thought. I am just going with the flow atm, so of course it was heartening to read. Fighting takes too much energy sometimes so I'm hoping to recharge. Nice to know it may be a good thing to do.

Lee

[Just Sara]

Hi Gen; (Call-out to Tony, Lee and others reading)

Just a quick response because I loved reading your post about laughter therapy. Totally agree! Would really like to hear how the class goes.

The thing that came to mind, is how many times I've laughed till I cried. Tears of happiness or torture as the case sometimes is when the tummy and jaw aches from full on body laughs; a joyful pain.

Yin and Yang indeed! Both forms of crying a healing experience, yet from differing ends of the proverbial stick.

Thankyou...made my day!

Sara

[Starwolf]

What an interesting thread...and what terrific, brave contributions !

As tears are a means of expression and we're all different, so we probably all express our emotions differently. This may change as our life does.

I suspect I was born hyper-sensitive but a childhood of physical and emotional abuse may have quashed this in the bud. My out of control mother went as far as leaving me lying unconscious on the kitchen floor a couple of times, with long-term physical damage. She wanted me to cry but I wouldn't...no matter what. It would have been the acknowledgment (of my defeat and her victory) that she needed. I got into screaming rage fits instead. Neither could I laugh. Smiling only happened during private moments.

The screaming fits only caused my mother to send me to various psychs (she was trying to get me put away). Fortunately, one after the other were deemed useless charlatans as soon as attention was shifted to her issues.

It was only in my late 20s, after freeing myself from a couple of brief abusive relationships and nearly losing my life another couple of times that the floodgates opened and laughter happened. The latter gradually.

That's when I found out that I was/may have been ultra-sensitive all along. I'm the sort of person who can shed a tear at the drop of a hat. Watching a butterfly trying to coax mangled wings into flight is enough to set me off. I have been a remedial trainer much of my life, rehabing traumatised / aggressive dogs. After some 40 years, I still cry every time one is finally rehomed. I have also been known to laugh and cry at the same time.

These days, it feels more like an expression of empathy. First towards others, after much work for myself. But it is more an acknowledgment of a passing emotion, followed by an almost instant letting go and moving on. No more dwelling. Crying comes easily but is short-lived. It is as if crying triggers the release of whatever emotion caused the tears...a necessary part of letting go. Oddly enough, from acknowledgment of weakness, crying has somehow evolved into a sign of inner resilience.

There's probably as many different types of emotional release as there are people. Education, culture, trauma, lifestyle would have a role to play in this.

This has been my personal journey as far as shedding tears is concerned. Through it, I have learned that I could be at the same time hyper-sensitive but also tough as the old boot that I really am 🙂

Wishing you all peace of mind.

[Croix]

Dear Starwolf`

You said in passing:

Crying comes easily but is short-lived. It is as if crying triggers the release of whatever emotion caused the tears..

I guess that's exactly what I'm nowadays feeling here in the Forum - I think you've hit the nail on the head about something in my behavior I'd been wondering about.

Thanks

Croix

[white knight]

"Born hyper-sensitive".

Great phrase, Starwolf. I felt the same yet l strived so hard to grow out of it. And l have done do.

Am l better off, sure am. Crying, be it uncontrollably or quietly allowing them to fall is a terrible feeling

Being emotional can place my mind in a place whereby my poetry comes easily but that is not including crying. As mentioned by others crying can cleanse, that feeling of having some problems processed....feeling better afterwards.

But I'd rather be able to be strong enough that l rarely cry. And thats where I'm now at.

Tony WK

[Boo1986]

Hi Starwolf,

Your post moved me. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Parents should be the people who love us, nurture us, protect us and encourage us. It sounds like you experienced the exact opposite. No child should have to go through this. I don't know what your mother went through that caused her to be this way but really there is no excuse that would be good enough. I'm not surprised you have turned your attention to animals, their intentions are always more pure and they are incapable of bad intentions. They are much more appreciative of the love we give. My rescue baby Holly (who looks very similar to Sarge in my picture) has given me more than she will ever know. I think somehow she knows what would have happened to her if she could not be rehomed. She appreciates every cuddle, every treat, every toy, sleeping on my bed, our walks and camping trips. She lives every day to the fullest. After Sarge passed away I thought I would never get another dog because losing him just hurt too much. I fostered thinking at least that way I wouldn't have time to get too attached, but when I saw a picture of Holly I knew I needed to open up my heart again.

Whenever I have cried in front of any of my dogs, it is always met with concern. All they want to do is be there. It is really beautiful. I think many people could learn so much from this.

Keep up your amazing work, I know every dog you have rehomed appreciates it so much, as do all the families who have taken on our rescues (and as do I for simply knowing that there are still good people in the world).

xo

[Just Sara]

Dear Star;

I reiterate everything above posts say, and add that you know I admire and care about you. Such a courageous and open account of your views.

We're so lucky to have you in our midst.

Warmth...

Sara

[Boo1986]

Hi Sara,

I agree, it is just wrong that some people look at crying as a weakness. In the case of your boss, I think his behaviour borders on psychopathic, not just a lack of empathy but so much as enjoying someone else's pain and wilfully causing it.

There is definitely something wrong with people like that. I know all of us here suffer from various mental illnesses but many of us come from a place of perhaps too much empathy and a desire to help others and make the world a better place but feel easily overwhelmed at the enormity of that task. I don't actually think there is anything "wrong" with any of us, though I acknowledge our various conditions, I think that this is actually a normal response to the barbarity of the world we live in. The only people who have something "wrong" with them are those who, like your boss, have the power to lift others up or help them, but choose instead to stroke their own egos and trample on those 'beneath' them.

I wish there was a greater push to identify these sorts and put them into mental health care as often their behaviour is what causes others to end up depressed/anxious etc. I'd rather if we could treat the problems at the source rather than have to treat every person they have affected individually. Depression can be managed but I don't believe it can be "cured" until situations like this stop happening. It's disgusting. Yet somehow that man had a 'superior' position within that company to you. Our society seems to value these types for their ruthlessness, their lack of emotion. Society has forgotten the value of kindness.

If nothing else, when each of us cry, please remember that your tears are not just about your pain. Your pain signifies your ability to feel, your humanity, your tenderness. It probably won't help you to feel better, but it shows those like you who you really are and how deep your emotions go. Though some people react poorly, others may see your pain and know that they have found in you someone just like them, someone that they can connect with.

Sara I hope you know that I count you as a friend. Whatever has been said on another post I know you would have only meant out of kindness even if it was misinterpreted. Every problem also has a solution. Give it time 😃