can't seem to shake it off

[MsPhoenix]

How does everyone get out of bed every morning when you feel like you are getting lower not better. How do you turn a corner when you feel lost. How do you not take out the way you feel with the others in your life. 

[Neil_1]

Hi there msphoenix

I’ve caught up on a couple of your earlier posts and I’ve noted that White Rose has kindly responded to you in one of them, and also asked you a number of pertinent questions.   It’ll be good to hear back from you with answers to those, if you’re able to, as it will give us further insight into what’s exactly happening and so we can be better informed in being able to hopefully provide you with some helpful advice.

I can see the question you’ve asked though, about how to not take out how you’re feeling on others in your life – and for me, I have to find a release from my tensions;  which is usually through any form of physical exercise, which really helps.   Going to the gym and smashing out a huge session, or a good long walk/jog and of recent times, I’ve taken up cycling as well – all great things to help me distress.

But if you don’t like any of them, or aren’t able to – what other interests/hobbies do you have?

I know another poster on this site hooks into gardening and gives that a good go to help relieve tensions.

Anyway, just thought I’d pop in and say “Hi” and do hope to hear from you again.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear MsPhoenix, you have asked a very difficult question, one that everybody plans and tries to solve, and each of us have our ownthoughts, some will work, while other ones are not so good and fail, well I shouldn't say fail although it seems that way, so perhaps I should say don't succeed, so we try again, and eventually we are able to get out of bed.

Let's face it we are depressed but our moods still change or vary from day to day, like some mornings we can only cry and feel the lowest of lows, but lets say we stop crying so there's a slight change and feel a little better, but don't forget that we are still depressed, but our mood may make us want to have a shower, need to go to the loo, or busting for a cup of coffee, so instead of pondering we suddenly get up.

Depression makes us tired, where we can sleep for 8 hours but no matter how long we sleep, it makes no difference, because we feel as though we haven't slept at all, that's the illness causing all of this, so we can't avoid this, even if we slept all day.

For me I had my puppie sleep with me, not Moo-Moo in this picture but Tessie who I idolised as I do with Moo-Moo, but I knew that she would be hungry, so this made me get out of bed, as she came was my priority and always came first.

If you google what you have asked, there are some stories which maybe of interest to you, but I would like to see what other people have to say. Geoff.

[Chloekat84]

Hello MsPhoenix.

I often find it hard to get up in the morning but I have no choice as I have a 2 year old I need to look after as im a single parent. I have good days and bad days and as u can see my posts yesterday was a bad one for me. Im still very tired and will prob nap when and if my daughter does. I often do this to get through the day but then im up till midnight so its a never ending pattern. Ur not alone we are here to help and chat to when u feel up to it 🙂

[MsPhoenix]

I  work full time and have done all my life. I call my place of work 'my island'. I can go there and switch off to a point because I have great people around me. Lately though, I don't have the drive to even get there. I haven't missed any time off because of my depression but it's getting harder everyday.

The few people I have shared my story with have told me to push the negative and depressing feelings aside and think of the positive...how do you do this when your mind is clouded all the time?  

[White_Rose]

Hello Ms P

I saw your reply on your other and was going to reply until I saw this post. I thought I would respond here.

People have many unhelpful comments to make when you are down. I have been told to "Focus on the positives", but as I felt there were no positives it was a bit difficult. When you reminded of different happenings and become distressed, the frequent  comments are, "You have to let it go. Forget about about, It's all in the past, move on." Not very useful at all and certainly no ideas how to achieve these goals. And let's face it, what we want to do is forget and walk away.

One piece of advice I was given by my doctor I have found most useful. It's not much use trying to find ways of coping when you are in distress. As you say, your mind feels foggy and being able to concentrate positively is just not possible.This is work that needs to be done when you are able to think more clearly and have some help to work out solutions and implement them.

I can't remember from your other post if you are receiving and professional help, e.g. psychologist, and if I return to the post I will lose this reply, so please bear with me if I am repeating something I should know. The point of working with a psych is to develop strategies that enable you to think positively etc.

I went to work 'to forget' and like you, it worked for a while. Unfortunately it did not deal with the underlying reasons for my depression and one day I lost the plot and dissolved into tears at my desk. Extremely embarrassing. But it was the wake up I needed, which is yet another trite, but true, remark.

So are you receiving help from your doctor or a psych? Can you take a few days off work to give yourself some breathing space? My psych wanted me to take several weeks sick leave but I could not face the thought of being on my own for days on end. I lived alone. We compromised on me working four hours a day.

What I hope you can take from my comments is that you can get through this. It will take time and effort but it is doable. Enlist the help of an experienced mental health professional to manage your depression and write in here for support as often as you can.

Mary

[MsPhoenix]

Hi Mary. Its so nice to read your reply and to see I'm not the only one who tries to lose herself in her work. I'm not the kind of person who can isolate things into boxes and not let the boxes overlap. Unfortunately on a few occasions I have let my guard down and poured out my heart to my boss who seemed sympathetic at the time but threw it back in my face if I screwed up.

I am dealing with a lot of different issues at the moment - 

1. My children believe I have chosen my husbands kids over them.

2. A husband that is dealing with being a full time parent for the first time in his life.

3. My own parents don't talk to me because they don't like my husband.

4. My step kids don't like me.

5. I'm going thru menopause which is really screwing with my emotions.

6. My husband and I are always arguing over my issues.

7. My eldest daughter was apparently raped by my 2nd husband and blames me.

I know this is a poor poor me message but i really need to find someone who can reassure me that I have every right to feel this way and I'm not being a 'drama queen'. I have a very short fuse and find I lash out with childish temper tantrums purely out of frustration. 

I know rambling again. It's just nice to get it out!!

K

[White_Rose]

Dear Ms P

You have a great many issues on your plate at the moment and none of them would be easy to manage even if there was only one at a time. I have asked before, have you discussed all this with your GP? It is really important that you get some professional help in this situation.  Your GP may refer you to a psychologist. No matter what anyone else says, this is a worthwhile action. If finances are a problem then your GP can write a mental health plan which will allow you ten free or low cost visits to a psychologist. Or you can talk to a psychiatrist whose fees can be claimed via Medicare. Either way you need to take positive steps to relieve your anxiety and distress.

Talking to an objective third party is one of the most helpful actions for people in our various situations. I would love to give you a list of things to do that make everything OK, but I can't. I can give you my support and make various suggestions. I can read your words and give you some feedback or my thoughts on the topic. But only you can take the steps towards becoming healed.

It's a hard journey. I know because I am traveling a similar road. I wake every morning, shaking and feeling nauseous. Getting out of bed some days is like climbing a mountain. I've just been told I need to go to a specialist psych for domestic violence counselling and frankly I am terrified at the prospect of regurgitating all that history. But it's all coming back to haunt me and I am not managing well.

With regard to your daughter being raped. Can you ask her to meet with you and talk about this? I appreciate how hard this will be for both of you, but you both need to take steps to manage this. Encourage her to talk to her GP and perhaps get some counseling. Does she want to make a charge against your ex-husband? This things can escalate into mammoth proportions with major repercussions for the rest of both of your lives. At least try.

Your post is not a poor me message. I often feel like that and tell myself to get over it, whatever 'it' is. But that really is not the best way. Acknowledge your hurts allow someone to help you. You will get better.

Mary