Can't escape

[Cara2256]

Hi, I am 15 years of age and have been feeling depressed for pretty much all of 2015.

I have been bullied at school and one of the counselors that i saw at school passed away on the first of december. It has been very difficult for me to cope as my house is being rebuilt so i am not living in my normal home for christmas. This has really upset me as my family has had a tradition of sitting on the lounge on christmas eve watching the carols. But my family has told me that we are going away to my cousins (who live 2 hours away) and spending christmas in our camper van. This has really upset me as i was really looking forward to keeping this tradition and now i have no input in the decision. My parents have also been very hateful towards me and saying that i am lazy and negative all the time. and all this just from not going out of the house for one day of the holidays. They never support me and just say that everything i do isn't right. They think that i am not grateful for the new house that we will have and all they do for me. Which is not true. I am very grateful. I am just finding it very hard to not be negative when all i get is negative feedback from my parents and always being told that i am a bad child. I am very much a home body and get homesick whenever we go away, my parents interpret that as i am hating the trip but that is not the case i just miss home and the familiar surroundings. I just wish i could get a little bit of praise and not always negative feedback. for example i thought i did really well in my report and i gave it to my parents and when i asked my dad all he said was there was areas that should be improved. Which really put me down since i got good results. I just don't know what to do because they just say that the parents are the boss and we do whatever they want us to. my parents have been physical at one stage, hitting me and threatening me. I am just pushed into a corner and don't know what i can do. 

Please help me so i know if this is all in my head or i am depressed for a real reason.

Cara

[Anroca78]

Hi Cara,

My name is Ange. I am 37 and if someone gave me the opportunity to be 15 again I would say'hell no!!'. It's hard. You are not a child anymore and you are not an adult. You are trying to discover who you are while people are telling you how you should be. If you are the quiet type like I was, instead of some parents who could sit down and talk about things( no one I knew had parents like this) you have parents that haven't got a clue how to talk to you. My parents who could hardly speak to each other dealt my problems by not dealing with my problems! It made me feel like I was either a nuisance or they would ignore me. My happy place was my bedroom yet if I spent too much in it my mum banned me and expected me to socialise yet hated the few friends I had. Talk about a mind bender!! Parents could be worrying about you but have trouble trying to work out how to handle it. Authority is used but it can have a negative result. I had a diary and wrote down my thoughts. I wrote down conversations so that if my mum found it hopefully she would read it. Never feel bad about how you feel. That's why we are all on this site, many people don't have support at home, or are scared to tell a love one simply how you feel. I wish you the best and remember, being 15 is really hard. I'm not able to give you links to professional guidance but Beyondblue have. No one deserves to be verbally/ physically attacked and counsellors can help you with this. What you are feeling is emotion. It is normal. We are all human. I wish you all the best Cara, I really do and there is many teenagers in your situation even if you don't see it.We all find a happy place eventually even it takes time, and it usually does! 

🙂

[White_Rose]

Dear Cara

This is not all in your head. As Ange has said, 15 is a very difficult age to be. Parents are parents and they usually try to be the best but have little idea of how to manage. I often wonder how I appeared to my four children and whether they thought I could have done better. And I watch my children bringing up their children and hear the older ones moan about their parents.

So wanting to be grown up and being treated like a child is very hard. No one should be abused. I suggest you contact the Kids Helpline either by phone, which is available 24/7 or through their web site. Ph: 1800 55 1800 or www.kidshelpline.com.au  Also look at Headspace. They have a 24/7 phone 1800 650 890 or www.headspace.org.au  Both offer counseling services.  If you look on the Headspace web site you can find your nearest centre. These are services specifically for people under the age of 25. At this time of the year they tend to be very busy but keep trying to talk to one of them.

Do you talk to your school friends about your respective parents? I wonder if they have similar stories to tell about their parents. I remember my parents took little notice of me at all and often had no idea where I was. I was fortunate that my friends did not get into trouble. I expect if they were always wanting to know where I was going and who with etc I would have felt very hard done by.

But it sounds as though you are having less support than many teenagers so contacting one or both of the above agencies would be useful.

I hate going anywhere new. And spending Christmas away from your familiar home is hard, especially when you will miss your traditional activities. My family had their traditions and I missed them very much when I left home. By next Christmas you will be in your new home and can restart these traditions. Is there any way you still watch the carols? Perhaps you can spend some of Christmas Eve in your cousin's home and watch TV there. Your other family may enjoy doing this. Can you ask one or other of your parents?

I agree it's unkind to have the good parts of your school report ignored but be told to pull up your socks on other parts. But you do know you did well so hold that knowledge to your self. Do you have a favourite subject(s). I really enjoyed history and English. Not much good at maths and science. Not allowed to stay at school after 16 as this was of no use to me in my future life, and I really wanted to go to uni. Finally went in my 50s.

Write in again.

Mary

[Hamlet_24]

Hi Cara,

The holidays are always a tough time; I'm 22 and I remember how depressed I used to get in the summer holidays you kind of become dependant on rituals and routine to keep you above water. First of all congratulations on doing so well at school, I don't even know you but I'm really proud of you for doing so well especially when things have gotten so chaotic, shifting house and losing your support system must have been really tough but you've survived it and that's not to be dismissed. If you can get through that you can get through this, take it one step at a time and trust yourself. Being a teenager, hell being a person is all about trial and error. Which brings me to your parents, I don't know your situation and please don't think Im being dismissive, if I'm wrong let me know. Your parents are human and they're going to fuck up, I've only just realised how hard it is to be a parent especially if your child is suffering but they need to realise that the way they're handling this situation is negatively affecting your mental health, is it possible that they're as scared and stressed as you are? It sounds like you need a little bit of kindness and empathy-can you ask for it?

In the short term try and surround yourself with things you love while you're on this trip,music, books, photos, comfy clothes-anything that's unique to you. Remember Kids Helpline and Lifeline are availiable to you 24/7 and they're really good or just hop on here.