Dear Whitelilly,
Welcome and it's good you have reached out for support when feeling so awful. I have experienced the feeling of not being able to breathe without difficulty before for an extended period of time and I know it feels terrible. In my case what eventually helped was doing some somatic work with a psychologist to release a trapped trauma/stress response in my nervous system. After this I was improving in a matter of days, and I'd had the breathing issue for about 18 months at that point. So I am just wondering about doing some work with a somatic practitioner, though it has to be someone you feel comfortable with. The approach I did is called Somatic Experiencing.
If you feel able, one thing you can try is breathing in for a count of 4 and breathing out for about 8 or more. This can help to reset the autonomic nervous system more towards the rest-and-digest parasympathetic mode. What I am wondering is whether you have gone way out of your "window of tolerance", which you can google to learn more about. It can mean going too far into a fight-or-flight response or into a freeze response. If you are in freeze, you can almost kind of stop breathing, a bit like an animal playing dead. This is actually an innate survival response, and if it is what's happening it can be good to know that it's just your body's way of trying to protect you. Sometimes just knowing that your body is trying to protect you helps to begin alleviating the stress response.
The reason I wonder about the freeze response is the fact you also mention things feeling not real. This sounds like what is called derealisation. It might be worth looking up that one too. It can happen when our brain and nervous system go into dissociation, again a way of protecting ourselves and also common in the freeze response. I have experienced both derealisation and depersonalisation so I know that feeling of unreality and it can feel very frightening. It sounds like, from what you are saying, that you've tried talking about things before and it brought back difficult memories. That is very understandable. If it is trauma-related it may help to work with a good trauma-informed therapist but perhaps with a focus on gentle somatic work so you don't have to talk a lot if that is triggering. If it is linked to past complex trauma I can also recommend calling The Blue Knot Foundation who specialise in complex trauma and focus on safety and stabilisation. So you could tell someone there your symptoms and that you don't necessarily want to go into details of memories but you just want to feel better in your body. Their phone number is 1300 657 380 and they are available each day from 9am to 5pm (eastern states time). You can call them once per week.
Have you tried to talk with your GP about things? I can hear you are feeling a lot of stress with what you are experiencing. As awful as things can feel, they can get better and your nervous system can start to regulate again (I am working on this myself at the moment). Are you feeling any better since you posted a few hours ago?
Take good care, sending you calm energy and listening if you want to chat,
ER
