Bipolar-What can I do?

Aussie_Fella · ‎30-12-2015

Hi, everything seemed to be going ok in my life until the last couple of months. I have lived a coped with anxiety for the last 7 years. Life events seem to be hard to get through. Our first child was born in July this year and even though I was anxious I found a way to get through it. Since then things have taken a nose dive. His arrival caused the usual tension in families and I fell into an argument with the in laws which I have never argued with. Two weeks later my family is turn apart when we all find out that our step father had forced himself onto our disabled sister and made her pregnant. Next day my work load doubles as I decided to take on an extra project. I coped with it all and I couldn't work out why I wasn't feeling anxious. Then it all fell apart when we decided to move house. Insomnia was the start of me crashing. Nights of no sleep drove my mind to suicidal thoughts and finally thoughts of harming my wife and son. It was then I cried out for help and ended up staying 3 weeks in a psychiatric ward. They diagnosed me with a type 2 bipolar disorder which made sense to me. I now take a antidepressant a mood stabilizer . It has been two weeks since leaving the comfort of hospital. Nothing makes sense to me a simple everyday tasks are a nightmare. My wife keeps reassuring me that things will get better. Two days ago the closest family member that I held to my heart (my grandmother) past away. I so confused I don't know if I am grieving or ignoring the fact of loosing her. I feel a peace one minute then anger and sadness the next. I don't want to get out of bed yet I do. I'm constantly stuck in making a decision and not making one. I want to have a goal to head towards but I constantly add a negative thought to it. I'm lost in darkness and fear yet I seem to enjoy the attention it brings to my negativity. Banging my head against a brick wall won't help as nothing seems to fix this up and down roller coaster ride. Has anyone lived through a similar experience or suffers with bipolar and depression and has some idea of what the way out looks like? Any help is good help!

Guest_1055 · ‎30-12-2015

Hello Aussie Fella

I long to be able to tell you what the way out looks out. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine it. This is what I imagine. You are free, so very free, you feel like you are gently dancing around a room. There is no awful feelings within you, no more struggles with anything, no more pain, and fear vanishes, only a soul that is at peace, and knows and feels loved.

After reading your post, my tears fell down my cheeks. Your story touched me. I am so so sorry, you have been through a lot. And it feels very heavy. And what happened to your disabled sister broke my heart. I can't stand the thought of that happening to anyone.

I am also sorry for your loss of your dear grandmother, someone that was close to your heart.

But I am glad you have a little baby, and your wife sounds like she loves you a lot.

I am sending you a hug now. I wish I could advise you, but I do care about you, and your family.

Shelley anne xx

Chris_B · ‎12-01-2016

Hi Aussie Fella, hope you're still checking in here. Below are some threads from other members about bipolar you might find useful. Please feel free to reach out to our other members in these:

Bipolar?

Just diagnosed with bipolar

Bipolar diagnosis

Bipolar type 2 depression questions

Bipolar type 2 and anger management

Bipolar and have 3 kids with mental illness

Recent diagnosis of borderline bipolar

Charlie_Jane · ‎12-01-2016

Hi there,

I just read your post because I too have recently entered a psych ward, been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 (which made sense) and have been struggling since my discharge as I have not been my usual self. However, you sound like you have a lot on your plate. It is completely understandable how you are feeling. That is way to much of a difficult experience to handle even if you weren't also having to deal with your recent diagnosis.

Are you finding the medication helpful at all? Initially I found it good but I am having bouts of crying and irrational thinking. I believe the medication may need to be increased in my situation, have you had the chance to see your doctor to discuss your situation?

The steps I am taking is to take a walk each day, tell someone if I am feeling not quite right and be in a safe area when I start to feel strange. If you have much responsibility on your shoulders then this may be hard to achieve but you must remember to take care of yourself because you won't be any use to anyone else if you don't take some time to help yourself.

I am sorry to hear your Grandmother passed away. The grief of that must be making everything exceptionally hard for you right now but please know that you can make it through these times with self care and honesty, just reach out to others and tell them you are in a difficult place.

Gonegirl · ‎12-01-2016

I think the one thing I relate to the most in your post is the feeling of helplessness and the weight you are carrying. Last year at this time I spent a month in a private clinic, problem was I never wanted to come out again. One of my issues is detachment and being hospitalised made that worse. When I went home I felt disconnected from everyone and everything. A year later and I'm still trying to connect.

im glad you have the support of your wife, we all need someone. I'm very low right now so I can only say to you that I can relate to some of your feelings. You've had a lot to deal with, it takes its toll. Big hugs Lou