Bipolar and me

[Ashtree]

Hi,

This is hard for me to talk about so I will keep the back story short.

I found out I'm bipolar about 6 months ago after possibly suffering with it for 10+ years.

I guess the reason I created an account was just to try find some help in figuring out who the real me is.

How do I know if I’m in a “normal”
state and happy or I’m actually manic?

Am I feeling depressed because I’m thinking about how I’m bipolar or am I actually just in a down swing?

What does it actually feel like when you’re not manic or depressed?

Thanks in Advance

[james1]

Hello Ashtree,

I don't have bipolar, but I get mood swings from borderline personality disorder which are similar to bipolar 2 mood swings.

It's an interesting question to me because I feel like the feeling I get when I am "bored", is maybe what people feel when they feel "normal". E.g. those times when you are sitting on the train and there is nothing stimulating you either up or down, and all you are doing is looking at people and just not really thinking. Maybe that's "normal" minus the worry that something is going wrong? I'm not sure...

That all said though, I do wonder to myself why it matters what "normal" is. I feel like I shouldn't try to feel something if it's not natural for me. But at the same time, I don't know how I can "get better" or at least be comfortable, if I don't even know what's different about me in the first place.

Sorry I don't know if that's of any help, but I did just want to share so you don't feel alone in not feeling "normal".

James

[Ashtree]

Hi James,

Thanks for the reply and the reminder I'm not alone, my sister in law has borderline personality disorder so i have noticed some similarities.

I guess i raised the question because while i might feel like myself, my wife will tell me I'm having another episode so it gets very confusing.

There are obvious times when i can recognize it, suicidal thoughts, feeling amazing because that tree is so pretty.

Just makes me question if my wife is over reacting to any sign of emotion or i still have a long way to go before I know how I'm acting/feeling.

For the record I'm medicated and see a psychiatrist.