Sadandpsyco,
You may find some truly enlightening truth and hope in what Eleanor Longden says about her life in her TED talk, called "The Voices in My Head" (look it up on YouTube, as I can't post the link here).
The most important thing to realise is that your body *is* you, and it knows what's best for you -- it is always trying to help you balance to your natural needs. You need to stop listening to your mind -- which can be influenced and can in many ways deceive you, and start listening to your heart, and to what your body is trying to tell you! Those hallucinations are there for a reason -- don't fear or hate them! Be kind to them and understand them. Understand what your body is trying to tell you -- try to accept and understand your body as it is, without prejudice, and without judgement -- you have worth, very much so! You just can't see it now because your mind is clouded, and you keep listening with your head instead of your heart -- stop doing that!!
Our worth is *not* defined by our place and acceptance in society -- that's rubbish! -- it comes from within you as a living being. Just because you're a social mess at the moment does not mean you don't have any worth! Not at all! All it means is that there is so much going on within you that you don't have the juice to address society's high and unreasonable demands! And that's okay! You will return to it (how much you want to) once you learn from living in your body, and find internal balance.
While you are not ready, don't throw yourself under people's judgement -- people are mostly crude and ignorant. If you feel the need to be around people, be around those who have shared your experience, who understand and appreciate your fight, and won't judge you, and don't expect anything from you, but accept you for who you are (faults and all) -- believe me, they exist, even if you only manage to find them online (at a physical distance).
None of us are perfect -- it's what we make of our imperfections that counts, and what makes us truly live and grow. Don't ever try to be perfect! Be who you *are*, be in your body, be *your* best; you own hero.
No-one has the right to tell another who they should be -- they have no frickin' idea who you are! Only you know yourself. Believe in your body, believe in yourself, and look for a life you *can* live, and where you'll be happy. Leave all those stupid masks behind, and listen to your natural self.
Wishing you a lot of heartfelt self-discovery,
Automaton
