Hi Wantinghelp
I really feel for you and the challenges you are going through. You sound like such a thoughtful caring person who deserves so much more consideration than what you are receiving.
It's hard not the take the internalisation and anger factors of depression personally. Another factor which is difficult to come to terms with is that of 'control'. Speaking from experience, control can be a major issue in depression. When everything in your head (including chemistry) feels out of control, control is often acquired externally. Your environment, including everyone in it, can become a casualty in the battle against depression. Although I believe you did the right thing in contacting your partner's mum, he obviously doesn't see it the same way. Perhaps he feels like you took some of his control/power away from him. Anyone in a healthy frame of mind would see your approach as loving and considerate.
With 'control' defined as 'effective management', your partner is possibly fixating on effectively managing his father's health. In other words, the thing which feels most out of control for him at the moment is the thing he is most focused on. I imagine he is dealing with some sort of grieving process too. Whether the grief relates to a worst case scenario regarding his father's health or him having simply lost the image of his father as being someone of strength, wellness and immortality of sorts, there is most likely some grief there. With our identity being based partly on how we identify with others, he is perhaps dealing with a lost sense of self on top of things.
In regard to his mum, if he's told her not to make contact with you, could it be as simple as that (the reason you haven't heard from her)? Is she a 'I don't want to upset anyone' sort of person? Is it possible to make contact and ask that she simply text you 'XOXO' (hugs and kisses) or something of that nature? You can explain that this is all you need for reassurance. Perhaps she wouldn't feel too guilty about sending something so simple; this simple message becomes about you and not her son. Request consideration.
In the meantime, try focusing on effectively managing the move and such. Set some positive realistic goals in front of you, for you to meet. At the moment is sounds like part of your life is like a waiting game, when it's healthier to see it as a creating game. Create some positive things, as much as you can, so you can feel the sensation of progress.
Take care of yourself
