Building up bring me down.

[Lonewog89]

Hi life hasn’t been the best for the last few months. Seems like one little bad thing apon another have been compiling together. It’s all feeling to much now and I need vent it out before I fall of into the abyss. I don’t really have anybody I can’t talk openly at home as we have very different coping methods to what’s happening.

- First of I found out my niece and nephews are moving two states away in October. I’ve been like a father to them since they where born 7 years ago. I don’t believe I will be seeing them much anymore and it’s killing me.

- Second my one and only close friend I have hasn’t wanted to catch up a lot lately. Not to sure what has happened?

- Third work has been super stressful, more than normal and money has been tight.

- Forth one of my childhood friends is getting married in the next few weeks. We drifted apart but never had bad blood. He didn’t invite me to it even though I invited him to mine and he came. Was a bit of a kick in the guts as everyone else from our old friend group did.

- My migraines have escalated because of stress and smoke from cane fires. I was in a chemist getting my script filled when I was ridiculed by the pharmacist in front of all the other shoppers. Saying all my migraines are my fault and lucky he’d give it to me. (BTW it isn’t painkillers) My doctor is happy with it and the pharmacist made me so feel so bad.

Even before pressing the post button I feel better getting this off my chest. I’m on antidepressants which helps some, therapy doesn’t help me. Writing on here seems to help a little bit for me. My wife doesn’t like talking about these things. Her vault puts Fort Knox to shame but she is my one and only reson for living at the moment.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

chris

[smallwolf]

Hi Chris,

Welcome to beyond blue. If you writing about what you are going through helps, I would encourage you to write a journal and or continue writing here. It helps me to put things into perspective. And you have the advantage here of getting feedback and support from other users on the forum. Do you have any distraction and coping tools that you can use when you are stressed?

Anyway, I am listening to you.

Finally, there is information on the beyond blue website for partners. You could look at those, maybe print them out for your wife to read?

Hope you have a good weekend.

Tim

[Lonewog89]

Hi and thank you small wolf,

I’ve been try to keep my self busy to distract myself. Hobbies, cleaning, going for drives. But it doesn’t take long before my mind goes back to worry mode. Maybe a journal.. will try.

Going to add an update to. Last week I’ve found out my parents have to sell the house we live in at the moment. This is going to happen pretty fast and I’m not to sure how I’m going to get a new place this fast. We can’t move in with them at their house. Also we can’t rent due to having animal responsibilities. That leaves buying but I’m not financially able at this time.

I’m having a hard time coping with this lack of control in my life at the moment... I understand somethings are beyond and/or choices not mine to make. Still it’s really getting me down. Sleep has been very poor, maybe 4hr a night as I write this at 1am. Also have been quite short tempered at work and home. This is very unlike me.

[therising]

Hi Chris

Just want to start by saying WOW, that pharmacist sounds incredibly thoughtless. Would be interesting to know how many other people see him in the same light.

As far as the therapy side of things goes, was wondering if you are able to try a different therapist. A perfect match can be a trial and error thing (bit like the search for the right anti-depressant). Personally, I never did click with a therapist I'd seen briefly some years back. I couldn't get my head around the shirt and tie thing and the desk between us; it felt very clinical. Also went to a therapist who was a super laid back guy who had great techniques for bringing out the best in me. He was a high vibe t-shirt and jeans guy.

Sometimes it's important to explore aspects regarding who we identify with (who are the people in our life) and how we are identifying with them. The identifying thing can definitely impact our identity, how we see our self. An example: Whilst identifying the pharmacist as educated, professional and perhaps superior, you could be left feeling (after his chastisement) inferior. If you identify him as socially inadequate, unprofessional and in need of setting straight regarding how he treats his clientele, you will see that he is simply in need of further education. Basically, if we are left looking at others to reflect the truth as to who we are, quite often we are looking into something which is broken, something unreliable. Looking into the actions of others can certainly give us a false image of our self (like with the wedding invite and the breaking of ties with a friend). If we are looking for the truth, sometimes we need some investigation, as opposed to believing the lies we tell our self - that we are unimportant or undeserving.

When it comes to finances and things are tough, I have my budget. Although the strategic calculations don't change the money situation, they do give me a sense of control. The budget proves to my brain, 'I am someone who is managing' That 'I am' aspect of life (our perceived identity) can act as our compass. If our 'I am' is 'broken', we can often lose direction. By the way, as you move through the grieving process of your niece and nephews moving away, try telling yourself 'I am a father figure to them, whether they be near or far and I will manage to keep contact with them in various new and exciting ways.'

Believe the truth when you tell yourself 'I am Chris, adaptable and forever evolving'.

Take care of yourself Chris

[Lost4eva]

Dear Chris,

Today I joined this forum just to get some things off my chest - and I agree - it does feel better!! I like the way you've written a list of all of the things that worry you. Sometimes I worry - but I don't know why I feel that way. A list would help me I'm sure, so I'll do that from now on - thanks.

I am thinking though, that perhaps my list could be a list with an extra column beside, to help me to find a solution to my worry… for instance, if you are concerned about your niece and nephews moving away - you could put in the column next door to that - create a Skype account to keep in contact, or something like that? Then you have your worries - but you also have some solutions.

Solutions may be hard to come up with … but it is fun to brainstorm and you could put down even the craziest solutions to start with and then filter them out when you find things that are more realistic/achievable.

Anyway, I think that is what I'm going to try. Thanks so much for sharing Chris. You have helped me 🙂