Been a while

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi,
Not sure where to start.

Have had depression most of my life, really struggling now. Feeling desperate and sick of feeling this way.

Have both a psychiatrist (every three months) and psychologist (monthly) missed my last appointment due to being sick.

These feelings seem never ending, I’m 66 and thought I would be “better” by now.

Tired of living in my head.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hopefullseeking I can relate to your story as I am middle age and have struggled with depression most of my life along with anxiety.I am glad you are seeing a phychologist and a phychiatrist and know that it is not a cure but more of a support and trying to stabilise your depression.It is a bumpy road.I have good periods and really bad periods.For you to live with it so long shows you are a fighter and wanting to beat this depression.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Mark,

I always thought with work they could fix me but realise it’s up to me and I can’t.
I have major depression, persistent depressive disorder, ptsd and anxiety. I could win an academy award for hiding it from family and friends,it’s easier that way. Do people really want to know, I think not.

I often get to the limit of my resilience but then take a deep breath and keep going.

I am tired.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hopefullseeking,

Welcome back. We can hear that you're exhausted, and we're so sorry that your journey has been a difficult one. It sounds like you are both very resilient and resourceful. It's great to hear that you have been consistently seeking support for your mental health.

It sounds like this exhaustion may coming in part from hiding what you're going through from your family and friends. It may be helpful if you have a trusted loved one that you feel you could open up to about what you've been feeling. Our page “Talk about it" can give you some tips on how to have this conversation if you feel unsure.

There is a shared thread on the forums where our members share Three self-care things you did today! - you may find this helpful to read through and get some ideas on self-care, or to share and reflect on the positive things you do for yourself each day.

Thanks so much for sharing what you're going through. Please feel free to keep the community updated on how you're going whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Splatty]

Good morning Hopefullseeking.

sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment, but I can assure you that you are not alone in how you feel. I also spent quite a long time living in my own head. Now I can only speak of my own experience but the day I made my personal battles known to friends and family, was the day they started to offer me support and help me. They said prior they had noticed that I was doing it tough, but out of respect for my privacy they didn't want to pry. Once given the opportunity to provide help I was surprised at how helpful my friends and family were considering how disinterested they had seemed prior.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hopefullseeking it is a really difficult topic to talk about with family and friends.I have one really close cousin I confided a little bit to.Peoples reaction to it is mostly from not understanding depression and it has a stigma attached.I don't know if you have one really close person you can talk to.I to put on the fake smiles and pretence as it seems easier that way.

Tske care,

Mark.

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi,

Over the last few years I have told my family and a few of my friends know but they don’t seem to get it. They don’t know how to respond if I say I am having a hard time, it’s like I haven’t said anything.

Again I suppose it comes down to my hiding it because they don’t know what to say.

I have two cats which are of great comfort, I do card making which I love but at times even that is difficult.

I try to lift my mood but because of the PDD (dysthmia) I constantly struggle.

I have learnt over the years many coping strategies but putting them in place is often difficult.

I do try.

[Hopefullseeking]

The fake mask seems to be the best strategy. I do have one close friend but can’t depend on her all the time, that’s not fare.

I wish I could see my psychologist more than every four weeks but only half her fees are subsided by my Mental Health Plan and I don’t want to change as I trust her and am comfortable with her.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hopefullseeking that's good you are comfortable with your pychologist that is really important.I understand the financial side of things and that makes it hard.It can be hard putting in strategies in place that you have learnt.I find when I need the strategies the most I can't think straight and can't use them.It is difficult when family don't respond when we do find the courage to tell them.You are not alone on here and we are listening and care.I am glad you have a couple of cats they are the best company.I have a stray cat that I adopted that keeps me great company when I am alone.

Take care,

Mark.