Battling Depression. I can't handle it anymore!!

[Paul12345]

Hi all,

My name is Paul. I am a 48 year old male and I am having a really hard time with my depression. I have been unemployed now for over 2 years since the last paying job. Times are tough and the bills have hit the roof. I feel that I have no purpose anymore and have been able to manage my depression for about 18 months. The last 6 months however I can not sleep more than 3 hours at a time, I get anxiety about my future, I am not eating properly, I think dark thoughts that are uncontrollable and that scares me and finally I have come to the point of being suicidal, but just don't have the balls to do it!! I am losing my mind and my resolve to handle this naturally and may need medication to get me through this. I don't like medicating myself. I don't have ANY faith in the pharmaceutical companies and their placebo agendas to rape the world of money for NO CURE!! As you can see I am broken. Life has broken me badly and now I want out. I don't go out anymore and feel very uncomfortable around other people.

It is however good to vent and get it off your chest. This is the therapy I have used to get me by for the last 18 months of my 2 year hiatus. I am a majorly qualified individual and have 143 IQ. I am no idiot!! This makes me borderline insane and depression bring it out in me. I feel better to get all this off my chest. Thanks for letting me make your ears bleed, but this is what is going on in my head. Dark times indeed!!!

[Cornstarch]

Also Paul,

As someone who has buried a parent who took his life, I'd hate to see you chose that path for yourself.

It's hard in the information age when possibly we all have too much information. Not that I'm advocating blind faith, I hate that, after having religion shoved down my throat.

But there are health professionals and doctors out there that are doing their best to "personalise" the health system, within the parameters that have been assigned to them both professionally and legally for the benefit of their patients.

I truly hope you find one.

xx

[swoody]

Hi Paul

I hate medication too. However i got to the point that i cried out to God and my Dr and ended up on medication after realising i just wasnt improving and getting worse. I faught this for years. There are withdrawal symptoms but it got me through. Though i beleive in Jesus to help me i went down hill which had a lot to do with rejection and being hurt by people, lack of Love and being stressed and having to cope with a rebellious wife made things worse. Jesus did not give up on me though. I have to say i see God giving me the guidance but i was getting critical while being in a position where family were relying on me. There was no time anymore. I had to act. But God held my hand. Lack of sleep also brings on depression and anxiety wich led to less sleep in a nasty circle. The medication helped to maintain serotonin and melatonin which quieted my mind some. Numbed my emotions a little and allowed me to sleep and start recovering.

Above all my faith in Jesus, seeing and experiencing his intervention and Love for me was instrumental in not giving up. He's real. He walks in when everyone else walks out. I just need to learn to trust him more. Give Jesus a chance.

[Pmac]

Hi Paul,

I feel your pain my friend. I have been unemployed for a year now and have no future prospects. I will tell you my story in hope to make you feel better about your situation.

i am 36 years old and a year ago I quit my high paying dream job out of pure stupidity. I was a daily pot smoker which is what impaired my judgement. Since that faithful (I've lost all faith) I have lost everything. My house, my car, most all the money I have, destroyed my career and have no future prospects as I am not very educated. In fact, the only thing I was quialfied for is what I was doing. I was an expect and highly respected, now that is all gone.

i have not slept for more than 2 hours a night for the past 10 months. I had to move back in with my parents, I have no friends or girlfriend, I have major sexual dysfunction issues that cannot be fixed and I am still withdrawing from the drug use. My father is partially disabled and my mum just recently broke her hip and now I have to take care of both while going through the worst pain I can think any person can feel. I have been suicidal every moment of the day and night for 10 months. But now that's not even an option because I can't abandon my parents in the state I'm in. I hardly leave the house unless it is to go shopping or buy smokes and that is a most painful chore.

i tell you this all so you can compare you can define your own circumstances to another, which may hopefully give you some perspective and elevate some of the pain you're in as there is another person in the same boat, maybe even worse.

ive tried the psych meds and nothing works for me simply because they won't change the terrible life I have created.

for what it is worth, I urge you to keep trying to get better and find some happiness. I do not believe there is any hope for me. But I do get the feeling that you can turn your situation around.

good luck and good speed.