Battling depression for 12 months

[Luke89]

Hi

This is my first post on here so not really sure of what to write or whether I am posting in the right forum.

From what I have read amongst the forums there are a lot of people a lot worse of than me but just feel so alone and miserable 99% of the time.

Im 27, an electrician and run marathons for fun so would call myself a bit of a high achiever, which probably doesn't help my situation.

It all started back when ex gf started working FIFO 12 months ago, (we had been together 6 months when she decided to start that .) Ever since I have just felt so alone and as though i am watching my family and friends live there lives happily and I am watching it all through a window and feeling like I am just treading water going nowhere.

i know the relationship ending has had a big effect on my self esteem and feeling more alone that usual, but I have had these feelings a lot throughout my life and am just tired of the constant struggle.

I think being a high achiever sort of person nothing I do ever feels satisfying or good enough to me - like a day spent around the house watching movies etc feels like a waste of a day.

Guess the question I want to ask can anyone else out there relate to this???

[Guest_322]

Hi Luke,

Welcome to the forum 😊

You know, I think pain is pain. I don't think someone else's difficult circumstances makes your pain any less real or valid. You feel what you feel, you know.

It must have been hard on you when the relationship ended. Loneliness is horrible and the relationship ending really seemed to exacerbate those feelings of isolation and disconnect.

I can relate to the feeling of disconnect with friends and family members. It's like they seem to be coping and maybe even thriving while there you are- on the other side of the window. It's like you can see them but you can't "touch" them.

I wonder when you said how nothing seems to satisfy you if it could stem from feelings of emptiness; but the hole of emptiness is so deep that it feels almost impossible to fill? Or maybe it's perfectionism as you said that you're a high achiever?

If it's both or either, I can relate. I often feel that there's a void in my life that I'm not sure how to fill, and when coupled with perfectionism (& associated guilt when I feel as though I'm being "unproductive"), it can be a very lonely combination.

Anyway, I've rambled too much. Hopefully, if nothing else, this post makes you feel that tiny bit less alone.

Let us know how you go this week if you like.

Dottie

[blondguy]

Hello Luke89

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

You are in the right forum and great to have you on board.

I can relate to what you have posted Luke. I used to have the dreaded 'Type A' personality as well. You are spot on when you mentioned that being a high achiever and nothing satisfies...or is good enough either.

When I read your post I was thinking 'I wish'. You are 27...in your prime years...and a qualified Electrician....and fit and proud to be so.....and good on you for being what you are Luke.

I am a volunteer here on the forums and have had anxiety/depression for a while but after studying basic psychology for 12 months I did learn that many people dont do enough of 'nothing'

A day spent around the house and/or watching movies in 7.1 Dolby Digital is actually a great method to 'wind back' your system and allow some rest to occur....(for the mind...not sleep)

If I had a girlfriend that had a FIFO career that I was with for only six months (in reality thats the time you actually had) I would be missing her big time especially after the 12 month period.. I am sorry that it went downhill for you....that would hurt..big time.

I couldnt sit still in my 20's as I thought it was a waste as well Luke. Your topic is a valid and important one.

The biggest issue with having a 'Type A' personality is that we set our goals so overly high we have a very long way to fall when something goes wrong.....

There are many super kind people on the forums that can be here for you Luke. We are non judgemental and can offer support.

You have a great sense of clarity Luke....and mega courage to have posted too. Nice1

I hope when convenient, you can post back.

My Best..Paul

(did you really say that you run marathons for fun?).....Its okay...just jealous....I wish 🙂

[Luke89]

Thanks for your replies Dottie and Paul, it's so good to know there are out there who can relate.

Yes I think as time goes on I am slowly working out why I feel like I do, I definately have personality traits that seem to make me more susceptible to these horrible feelings, but I guess on the other side they made me incredibly driven, so it's not all bad.

The feelings of loneliness have been made worse due to the The relationship breakdown for sure, which has been the hardest thing to deal with, especially because nothing was wrong between us, just that she has ongoing mental issues, anxiety etc and her way to deal with it is to push people close to her away and not confront it but that's a whole other story. Being with her was the first time in my life I felt a real connection with someone and fear that i won't feel that again,

I think a lot of people struggle through life (ex included) because they don't really look within themselves to work out why they feel like they do and just blame their misfortune on everyone else, it's really good to read others posts who are openly admitting their problems and taking ownership of them, I think it's the only way you eventually come out the otherside.

Maybe I am a little crazy because I run marathons for fun- it really helps keep the demons at bay And give me a goal to work towards 👍

[Luke89]

Hey guys,

Well its been 5 weeks since I last posted and I thought I was slowly coming good but have had some really down times the last few weeks, like crying the whole way to work 2-3 times a week, as well as other times when I am just plodding around at home etc. I know its all to do with the break up that I am struggling to move on from, which has totally stuffed my self worth.

my ex gf pretty much dumped me twice due to her own depression and anxiety issues. I never felt depressed my entire life until I started trying to help her with her own problems, then the minute I needed a small bit of support she left me - why I want to ask is can depression be contagious?

I am starting a 6 month mental health plan tommorw, which will include a mild dose of anti depressants which I am a little unsure about. if it helps my feelings of complete sadness and hopelessness then it must be a step in the right direction? Does anyone have an advice on meds and their effects??

to make matters crazier somehow I have been able to keep up a rigorous marathon running training plan for the last 3 months and will be racing 42km in 2 and a half weeks, why is it I can have such strong willpower to physically push myself to the limit but when it comes to my emotions and feelings I am a complete mess.

any advice would be great

Luke