Dear Cazza,
Can't help noticing you've posted a couple of times in the last 24 hrs. If your moods are escalating like this or you are feeling unsafe maybe you should go to the Emergency Unit of a Pyschiatric Hospital and get checked up.
A bit of OCD with lock checking, anxiety with inability to sleep, and your sheer anger in the other post I responded too point to a need for treatment. Stress is there for a reason - to tell you something is wrong. Your ability to pick up on this and seek help (other than posting on BB) is key to your recovery. Unfortunately you are making things so much harder for yourself by staying at home while your mind shreds itself.
Sorry, but I just sense the escalation could be leading to self harm and you seem a great character with tons of energy and much to offer. If it doesn't work out at the psych hospital you can Head Butt the nearest lamp post when you come out.
Insight will keep you safe. Losing a big pay check / job is a huge trigger for anxiety and suicide. The firepoints you are checking - that's because you have a fire in your head. But controlling the things in straight lines isn't going to control your mind in the long term. Even parallel lines meet at the horizon.
Adios, David (yep, boring old fart, over 50)
