Attacking people online randomly

[luke_c]

It's been a few years since I've posted on here, mainly cos I've self-managed my depression and anxiety issues, but I still have some issues that I still need to work on. One is having a go at people on Facebook or email randomly when I have a bad day. I tend do it when I feel disconnected and I feel a person isn't communicating with me and I don't see them much or if I have a problem with their life. One example was the other day where I had a go a girl who said I was too nice and too sweet a couple of months ago when we were sparring in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ), it bothered me on and off for a couple of months. I was feeling pretty ordinary the other day (too much exercise I reckon, I go pretty hard at MMA and BJJ) and I finally had a go at her by asking "Too nice and sweet huh? I'm not as nice as you think." She didn't respond by her friend deleted the comment cos he didn't want an argument to start and he said he was pretty disappointed in my actions and that she was one of his best mates. I told him yeah I didn't like it when people said I'm too nice and thought she was criticising me personally. After a few back and forth exchanges, I finally told him that I probably shouldn't have done it and that I didn't know her from a bar of soap. I suppose I didn't like it when people said I'm too nice because when I was training at a another gym a couple of years ago, one of the instructors said I was too nice and that it was holding me back and told me to go 100% (but this bloke was a twit to be fair) and I didn't like what he said. Anyway, I'm generally pretty laidback 95% of the time and people describe me as pretty easygoing but it's just that 5% where I feel really low and isolated. I tend to drop people from social media who don't really communicate with me and I've attacked people in the past when I'm in my 5% moods where I felt like I wasn't being treated fairly.

[blondguy]

Hi Lukecalv84

Good point regarding Facebook. For some people it can be a trigger for anger/reaction. Others find it a good social medium which is fine.

I found life more relaxing after terminating my FB account a few years ago because it was becoming a pain in the rump and stressful checking it all time....and dealing with the odd negative individual...Just not for me I guess

Well done on self managing your anxiety and depression. That is a quite an achievement! I tried self managing for over 13 years but it was really tough

kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Lukecalv84,

I guess everyone says things when in a bad mood or on the spur of the moment -sometimes they pan out -other times they are a source of regret.

My I suggest that you try to make rule for yourself?

Whenever you feel the impulse to jump up and fight with words - write them down in an exercise book, take your time and get them exactly right on paper - down to the last dot and comma.

Then look at the previous things you have written and ask yourself - do I want to post this?

Maybe you still will - maybe you wont.

However you will have reminded yourself of previous occasions, and will also have delayed matters by setting the message down on paper so you will have had a pause to reflect.

Cheers

Croix

Then

[luke_c]

Yeah I don't really post stuff a lot on Facebook unless it's significant like a holiday or if something's really bothering me, I tend to just browse through it quickly. I used to get too attached to it in the past and found I felt better not getting too involved with it. If I can get through this problem and start giving people more the benefit of the doubt I think it should play out well, but I think this stuff was meant to happen, it was something telling me that it's best not get involved too much with people you don't really communicate with.

[luke_c]

To tell you the truth, I'd be even more laidback if I didn't have a mental condition that I do now and if I was mentally stable. While I've come a long way to self-managing over the last few years (getting more mellow as I get older too), there's this problem and some things I still need to work on, but I do feel I'm getting a lot better dealing with my problems when I'm in my 30s (I'm 33 this year) than I was in my mid to late 20s, I've become more easygoing and tolerant, but I felt like this was a major issue that I had and thought I'd reach out and get some help.

[Anonymouz]

That's no good you feel like attacking people, I don't think there's anything wrong with being too nice haha.

Good on you for self managing some depression/anxiety issues, wish I could do that

[luke_c]

no there isn't anything wrong with being too nice it's the only way for me, being myself is the key here. if others want to criticise me for that then good for them, i don't care.

i haven't attacked anyone online for almost 3 months now and only ocassionally i felt the need to but i stop and think about the potential consequences of doing so.

[luke_c]

Yeah humans weren't meant to live on technology, if you ever catch a train into the city people are just glued to their devices

[blondguy]

Well said Luke

I really feel sorry for the kids whose parents think that a cell phone or a tablet/ipad is a good idea...