Atonement, forgivenes and guilt

[ifallintofantasy]

Hi to everyone who use these forums.

I would like to ask for help form you guys do you guys have advice of forigveness of yourself and for others? What have you guys done over guilt and atonement for past mistakes that you have done and that you feel like you let your family down??

I don't want any more new regrets.

and i don't want to ruin my relationships with my family.

[kanga_brumby]

ifallintofantasy the first thing I do and I think the hardest. Forgive myself. It doesn't matter how bad I think it is. If it's been brought to my attention by a family member or all of them. I still forgive myself first, then I apologize to who ever I've wronged. After that I try not to do the same again. After all we are human we all make mistakes, I just hope they would forgive me as I would forgive them. Plus I try not to hold a grudge against a family member who has wronged me. Because one day I may need there help, or forgiveness myself. As they say you can always choose your friends. But your stuck with your relatives. So to make it easy as you can on yourself.

Kanga

[ifallintofantasy]

Can i ask how you forgive yourself, i still have major problems with the first step. I need some help.

THank you for your reply

[SubduedBlues]

ifallintofantasy

It's seems like a bit of a double-edged question you have there, but let me try...

First, my definition of forgiveness:
Forgiveness is when I stop blaming the other person for how I reacted (and feel) about what has happened.

So then, self-forgiveness has to be when I accept that I had an error in judgment and set about towards making amends (with myself) for that error.

I find it very easy to forgive others. Insofar as forgiving myself that only comes after I have been able to reflect on "realistically" I would have done something different. Not could of, or should of, but would of. If I come to the same conclusion, and same action, as what had actually transpired, then I know that my decisions were not in haste or in poor judgment; rather they were in accordance with circumstance -- as unfortunate as they may have been.

Hope that helps.

SB

[blondguy]

Hi ifallintofantasy

Thanks for posting 🙂

I understand your comment "Can i ask how you forgive yourself, i still have major problems with the first step"

I must be simple but I hear you loud and clear....I know Kanga and SB have deciphered the meaning but I have never really understood 'forgiving myself' properly either.

Great to have you on the forums

my kind thoughts

Paul

[topsy_]

Me neither!! I understand the concept but just can't (won't??) apply it to myself.

Lyn.

[BballJ]

Hi ifallintofantasy,

As kanga_brumby said, the first step is to forgive yourself - which always seems to the be the hardest step. There is no direct answer but I think part of it is the fact that you must look down deep inside you and understand what you and may have done wrong and accept it that it happened and look forward to the future. Once you forgive yourself you can then I believe ask forgiveness from others. There is a quote I like which I have posted on these forums before "Can you forgive those who have hurt you? because that is when healing starts" - this can be taken as forgiving yourself or others. Healing begins when you accept what happened and move forward from it.

My best for you,

Jay

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi ifallintofantasy, I think forgiveness is a choice. I don't think it's a feeling that suddenly falls over you, I think that you need to decide to forgive yourself. I think understanding that whatever has happened in your life is in the past, you have obviously learnt from my mistake and you deserve to heal. And healing does begin with forgiveness. You don't need to blame yourself any longer, you have suffered enough. Just understanding that you will feel better once you've forgiven your past. I hope I helped somewhat.

[geoff]

hi ifallintofantasy, to forgive yourself, well that's a big question which many people will have their own meaning, but isn't it more 'to learn what you have done', because if you are unable to do this then to forgive yourself won't happen. Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Hi ifallintofantasy, it's great you're seeking support on the forums, but it's worth remembering this isn't a place where you can get immediate replies - if you need to talk to someone straightaway then it's best to call our support service on 1300 22 4636.  That line is staffed by professional counsellors and they're available around the clock.

We can see you've started up a number of different threads too.  When seeking support on the forums, we really encourage members to use one thread rather than starting new ones all the time.  It's really difficult for the community to keep up with your story if you have a lot of threads going at once, and you may find yourself having to repeat information if your story is spread across the forum - sometimes our members will be repeating themselves as well if it's an issue you've had previously.  Help us to support you by keeping to one thread, even if you're returning here after a period of time.  There's a lot of value in seeing how someone's story evolves over time, and when facing a new crisis it's helpful to scroll back and see how you've coped previously.

We're going to close this thread off and would encourage you to keep posting in your original thread below:

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